


Metanoia

by Feuer_Avri



Category: TharnType the Series (TV), เกลียดนักมาเป็นที่รักกันซะดีๆ | TharnType: The Series (TV) RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Gen, M/M, References to Mental Health Issues, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:00:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 46,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22911370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feuer_Avri/pseuds/Feuer_Avri
Summary: (n.) The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self, or way of life; spiritual conversionGulf Kanawut is just starting at Chulalongkorn University, happy and spirited, even managed to make some friends.Somehow, a joke he has said is taken seriously, blown out of proportion and almost everyone in the campus now thinks he’s dating the famous actor and Industrial Engineering Master student, Mew Suppasit. Of course, Gulf panics and prays furiously to every deity who can hear him that the esteemed, handsome and way-out-of-his-league Mr. Suppasit will never ever find out.Luck, and his karma points, apparently run out when said man comes to Gulf's faculty looking for him. Drama ensues?
Relationships: Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat/Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong
Comments: 317
Kudos: 891





	1. The World's A Little Blurry

_The world’s a little blurry or maybe it’s my eyes. The friends I’ve had to bury – they keep up at night said I couldn’t love someone ‘cause I might break. If you’re gonna die, not by mistake._

Billie Eilish

PROLOGUE

He sighed, scanning his reflection. He looked tired. He _was_ tired. Bloodshot eyes, dark circles under his eyes, slightly untamable curls, and sallow complexion. His stomach hurt. He sighed again. It was one of those days.

“Here we go,” he muttered. And exited the bathroom. He wanted to go back into bed and sleep, preferably forever if forever existed. But he didn’t. He wouldn’t.

The TV was on and his sister was there. The TV wasn’t on that loudly so he wasn’t feeling more awful. She noticed him and without saying anything, she patted the spot right next to her, her arms spread. Inviting him for a cuddle he didn’t really feel like receiving. But he would. She turned down the volume slightly and for that he was thankful.

He was trying to get better.

“What are you watching, P’Gift?” His voice was muffled against her sweater, his lanky arms going around her as she patted his head, trying to comb his curls. The hand rubbing his arm was calming.

Gift Tasanee Traipipattanapong replied, “I’m not sure, just turned it on. It’s an entertainment programme, some interviews with celebrities.”

He hummed.

“Sounds interesting.”

They stayed in a comfortable silence. He yawned and sighed. His eyes were hooded, barely seeing the people on the screen.

“You can go to sleep if you want, Gulf,” Gift whispered. He grunted in response. His eyes were almost closed when he heard it.

_“It’s fine when you’re feeling down or when you don’t want to see people. It’s absolutely fine because that means you just need somewhere quiet to recharge. It’s humane, it’s what makes you,_ you _… This is something I go through sometimes, and knowing that there are people around me who love me so much makes it better. And I hope you guys have these people for you too. Just remember, it’s always_ fine, everything will be fine _. And I’d like to say this to all who has been supporting me through my ups and downs, I can’t thank you enough, you are one in a million.”_

Immersed in the speech given by the man, the words that felt like they were said to him. Without realising it, Gulf was sitting up and leaning closer to the TV. The man in the TV was laughing; the sound _happy_ and Gulf wanted that. He looked so happy too, eyed crinkled and teeth straight. 

He stared at the smiling man, giving Wai politely into the camera. It was then he saw the name written at the bottom of the screen.

_Mew Suppasit_

Gift looked at her brother, slightly confused by Gulf’s behaviour.

“Are you okay, Gulf?”

The younger one was silent, but Gift was used to it. She didn’t expect Gulf to say something back to her. She was used to giving him time to talk at his own time. So when Gulf smiled, she was baffled.

“I think…yeah, I’m okay.”


	2. I Feel My Spirit Lifted

_You lift my heart up._

Sam Smith

CHAPTER 1

“Here we go,” Gulf exhaled, feeling mostly excitement in a cocktail of emotions – giddiness, anxiety, fear - when one was about to start a new chapter in life.

Chulalongkorn University.

Even now he couldn’t believe that he managed to get in! Chula was the top university in his country and how he was accepted was something entirely profound. Maybe in his previous life, he accumulated enough karma that the deities decided to reward him with his dream university. He was nervous and he knew no one. His mother decided to send him off and he waved bye to her from the steps of his faculty building.

Inhaling deeply as to calm his nerves, Gulf fixed his already straight tie and ran his clammy hands over his white shirt. His uniform was perfectly ironed, tailored to his body and his shoes shined. The time said 7.34 a.m. Perfect. Ample amount of time before the class was due to start. He fingered his bead bracelet, over his initials ‘T. Kana’, in which Kana was spelled in Thai. He bought it sometime ago and he had never left the house without it. His best friend suggested the name, since there wasn’t a lot of space, and Gulf liked it - not minding at all that Kana sounded like a feminine version of his given name.

Today was his first class. As an official student in the Department of Language, Education and Technology, the Faculty of Humanities and Social Studies. That was a mouthful.

Amazed still with everything, Gulf took a seat closest to a wall but one that wouldn’t hinder his view of the front of the class or of the projector screen. He was a bit amused with the seats, they reminded him of cinema seats. The long tables were nice too since that meant less chance of his things falling off. The 19-year-old took out his fresh notebook and a pen, one still usable, as were most of the things in his pencil case. It was his high school’s stationery. He didn’t get the idea of getting new ‘everything’ once you started a new level of education. If things worked just fine, why bother replacing them? That was just a waste of money. And where would people put those replaced things then?

People were entering the class in groups or alone. Scattered all over the classroom, some quietly in their seats just waiting for the class to start like him while others were chatting about in groups. Those must have had known each other for sometime, perhaps people who got into Chula from the same high school. That’s nice. All of Gulf’s friends were in different faculties – Business and Economics, Engineering, Professional Media etc.

As Gulf was more comfortable in being in his lonesome, he wasn’t at all worried about making friends. He was told that despite his sharp features that most people would find unapproachable, he was rather polite and easy to talk to that people would just flock to him.

“It’s your voice and smile, pheun. And you’re very easy to hang out with,” Lang, one of his close friends, said once. Which was true. And Gulf had a tendency to go along and blend in well with whatever it was in his social interactions. Another friend told him that he had an unassuming beauty to him that people were attracted to naturally. Whatever that meant, Gulf just shyly said his thanks. 

A girl sat next to him, a folded seat separating them. They glanced at each other and exchanged a small greeting. Her hair was short, wavy light brown locks that were likely natural given how distinctly Eurasian her facial features were. She didn’t seem to care much for cosmetics; her face free of any makeup showing some smattering freckles. The humid Thai weather must’ve been the cause of her naturally blushed cheeks. It was nice that their lecture hall was air-conditioned. Small mercies. 

“I’m Klara kha,” she smiled, deep dimples showing.

“I’m Gulf khrab.”

“Let’s destroy this class, alright,” Klara chuckled, holding out her right fist, a beautiful diamond-embedded leaf-shaped ring adorning her pointer finger. Gulf’s eyes widened in humour before bumping their fists together.

“I’d like that,” Gulf replied.

“Good. Because I’m highly competitive and I won’t settle for grades lower than A.”

That made Gulf laughed and he nodded.

“Understood.”

-M-

“So what do you have next?” Klara asked as they packed up their things, both of them standing in the bustle of other students exiting the hall. “I’m assuming we’ll have some more classes together other than this one.”

Gulf was putting his notebook into his bag when he said, “I only have one more class today at 2pm. I think it’s called Theory to Technology Education.”

“Oh, it’s the one taught in English, right?”

“Yeah, that’s the one.”

“Cool. So I’ll see you later then?” The lithe girl’s voice lilting in query.

Gulf pursed his lips. “Are you doing something over lunch?”

“Nah, I think I’ll just kill some time somewhere,” Klara shook her head.

“Then, want to get lunch together?” Gulf asked happily. To be honest, he didn’t want to get food alone. Moreover, he didn’t quite remember the way to the canteen much less everywhere else. He didn’t know anyone else and Klara seemed nice enough as she kept talking to him. 

Klara beamed at him. “Sure. Oh my god, I’m starving. Let’s go eat now.”

-M-

For someone that had a similarly willowy figure as Gulf, Klara ate like she had a bottomless pit for a stomach. She was basically inhaling her meal and Gulf was amazed. How was she eating and talking at the same time? She talked and asked questions a lot but Gulf found that he didn’t mind in the slightest.

Gulf found out that Klara was the youngest of four, with three older brothers. She was – as she aptly put it – the only planned conception, as her parents really wanted a daughter. She had the calendar that her parents used to mark their ‘conceiving’ dates of her hanging on her bedroom door. It was weird but funny, and she used the ‘I’m wanted, you’re not’ argument against her brothers most of the time to get her way. Her second older brother, who was also her favourite, Jan, was also in Chula (“doing his thing over at the Engineering Department, whatever it is,” Klara mumbled). She had a Maine Coon named Midas that always suffocated her in her sleep. 

In return, Klara now knew he had an older sister named Gift and that Gulf was also a cat lover, a stray he adopted off the street. He used to have a dog when he was small but after it died it was awhile before he got another pet. He liked having his own space and be left alone. Although he wasn’t opposed to talking when spoken to. He preferred it if people talked to him more. It was probably a habit to just listen at this point. His friends were always rowdy. Gulf really like football and gaming, in which Klara high-fived him for because according to her if you were not a gamer, you must be a psychopath. Gulf almost choked on his curry. Gulf had a slight stutter, because of his braces that made him stumble over his words. He almost had to swat Klara’s hand away that was trying to pry open his mouth and inspect his retainers. They were in public and Gulf’s ears were already red from embarrassment. Some people closest to them in the canteen were already looking at them in amusement. Gulf also went to an all-boy high school but funnily enough never really experienced the dormitory lifestyle.

Which Klara was all for. She wanted to stay in the dorms but her house was literally a few minutes away from Chula, and Jan was awesome enough to drive her anywhere. If not, the buses that ran around Chula and into the capital was also a choice. Klara had very low tolerance for the heat and she must have her massive water bottle with her all the time.

“Trust me, you won’t like what you see when I panic over no water. I’ll be as useless as a flopping seaweed.”

Gulf frowned at her analogy. “True. I can’t go out without my dad’s watch and my bracelet. Once I went out without my phone for the whole day, because I forgot about it – my parents almost filed a missing person’s report.”

Klara let out a hearty laughter. “You’re one funny bean, Kanawut.”

“Right back at you, König.”

Klara had taught him how to pronounce her name, which was apparently German. Klara’s ancestry was fascinating. Gulf only knew that he had some foreign blood on his mother’s side but he wasn’t so sure what. Klara’s father was mixed German and Thai-Chinese. Her paternal grandparents had already passed long before Klara was born. Now Klara’s mother was a rollercoaster of a story. Her maternal grandmother was a mixed French-Thai who migrated to the UK and married her English grandfather, had her mother and then her mother went to school in Thailand, met Klara’s father, fell in love and it was all in the past. Her family had been living in Thailand ever since. Only flying out to visit her grandparents for Christmas or other holidays.

On the other hand, both sets of Gulf’s grandparents lived in Samut Prakan so he visited them quite often. He was even born there before they moved to Bangkok for his dad’s work. Even his sister was working as an accountant here. Gulf’s extended family was massive, with lots of cousins his age. They’d celebrate every little thing together from a 3-year-old’s birthday to an uncle’s retirement. It was nice to have a pretty massive yard. His cousins and him would do everything together but that also meant if they were to get into trouble; they’d be nagged and reprimanded together by multiple sets of parents. Gulf always got the least of it because he was the youngest (by a few months). One time, they decided to go to Siam Square and apparently everybody forgot to tell their parents where they were going. That was one of the bad ones. According to Klara, he’s one of the most behaved people she’s ever met, probably the best. Gulf’s ears turned red instantly.

“You don’t speak much, do you?” Klara asked, spooning some melon sorbet into her mouth, made a face and said, “I think this is just melon-flavoured milk.”

Gulf shrugged. He took the spoon Klara handed him and tasted the dessert. Yeah, it’s just frozen milk drenched in melon syrup. Pretty tasty though, since both of them kept eating it. The chill made the hot weather slightly tolerable. Every once in a while, the wind blew. It was a good thing their uniform was white and not too thick.

They were walking slowly in the direction of their next class. Stopping randomly to check if they were on the right path. Klara nodded to some people along the way. When Gulf asked if she knew them, she shook her head.

“It doesn’t hurt to smile,” she snickered, “maybe this is how I’ll meet…the one.”

She paused dramatically before saying ‘the one’ then she was laughing again. Klara was one happy person. The girl was swaying way too carelessly, Klara’s charm bracelets jingling. Gulf had to pinch the sleeve of her shirt to stop her from falling off the pavement. He steered her closer, scooping another bite of their shared sorbet.

“Be careful, nong,” he cautioned. They traded birthday dates and found Klara was younger.

“What time is it?” Klara asked.

“It’s only 12:04,” Gulf grunted. “Should we go somewhere else first?”

“Oh! There’s a bookstore here and I’m dying to see what books they have! Wanna go?”

“Sure.”

-M-

The words ‘CU Book Centre’ and the university’s emblem were emblazoned in white against a black rectangle on the glass door. The bookstore was not too crowded which was a relief to Gulf - less people was better.

He was still adjusting.

There were air-conditioners. As soon as Gulf pushed the doors open and felt the cool air, he said his thanks to god. Klara voiced his thoughts. She had tied her hair into a tight ballerina bun along the way. Both of them were simultaneously fanning themselves.

“So I’m going to check out if they have a Fictions section. Do you wanna go elsewhere or?

“I’ll just go with you,” Gulf smiled.

He didn’t have any book to get, since he didn’t really read as much as he used to. Maybe there was a book in English. He needed to brush up on the language since most of his classes are of the international programme. 

“Okay.”

The shop was massive and impressively stocked. The cashier counter was just by the entrance – one long slightly curved table, two registers available. Only one person was manning the till and he smiled at them when they came in. They had an open space and minimalist industrial concept as well, with rows and rows of looming slanted bookshelves in black, some against the walls that contrasted well with the beige and pale grey of the place. The warm lights above the bookcases made them more inviting - the book covers vibrant. The floor to ceiling windows all around provided some great views of the campus. A section of the place was furnished with some seats in soft pink, some students were seen reading.

When he went up the stairs towards the second level of the bookstore, more books greeted him. Placed neatly in rows, similar to the ones in ground floor. There was a neat nook where the stationery was. Some board games were also on display. Gulf followed Klara as she read the pink plaques on the bookshelves to find what she was looking for.

They went around before they finally stayed in the Fiction section. There were books written in Thai and English. The mixed race girl was already making herself comfortable on the floor, her hazel eyes squinting at the book titles and taking some out to read the blurbs. Both of them were quiet ever since they came into the shop.

Gulf browsed through the case closest to him and plucked a book he found interesting enough. It was by a local author but written in English. Gulf followed Klara’s example and sat next to her. Klara was still busy scanning the books.

That was how they killed some time before class.

-M-

Gulf pursed his lips and stared at the blank page of his book in contemplation. He dropped his pen lightly onto the desk. He played with his bracelet, thumbing the inscription. There was a matching one. He made the other one for _that person_. Was it worn and kept fondly like he did his band?

Gulf picked up his pen and wrote the date neatly. It was his daily journal. He didn’t really write in it everyday but it helped him sort his thoughts and recall his days.

Because when it got too bad, there were days when there were gaps in his memories. His health was getting better, but not without a lot of effort. And as he realised how good his recent days especially today had gone, he began to write.

A slight smile played on his full lips. He couldn’t wait for another day to arrive.


	3. We Only Know Each Other From Afar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Descriptions of mental health issues. You have been warned.

_We might’ve never known each other_ _. But we crossed faraway paths and came together._

Ryeowook

CHAPTER 2

Over a month had passed and Gulf was enjoying his university student life. His classes were fine. Before he enrolled, he was overthinking the level of difficulty but so far his notes were neatly written and kept and his assignments not too tough. There was a pop quiz in one class a week before and he got top scores for that.

Klara and him bonded with another student, Mack, when they were given a group assignment. They needed another person so Gulf seized (literally) the first guy he saw. The one within his arm’s reach. Mack had been sitting just behind Klara.

Klara talked Mack’s ears off like she did Gulf; the only difference was that Mack’s as equally as talkative. Mack was also really up to date with campus gossips and going-ons and basically with everything. Gulf wondered how Mack had all those information stored in his brain. His brain was like a sponge, absorbing information left and right. But it was good since they weren’t fumbling around and missing important dates of events.

Yeah, Gulf and Klara both sucked at those. They almost missed the club sign-ups. Gulf, of course, joined the football club. Klara and Mack signed up for swimming club. Klara still couldn’t stand the heat and Mack joined because they needed more guys (he was guilt-tripped into joining by the lovely senior that spoke so cutely about the club). Club members got free access to the pool - that made Klara swoon.

“I’m surprised you’re not joining the Drama Club,” Gulf teased, raising an eyebrow and pursing his lips, “given how dramatic you are.”

Klara scoffed in disbelief before punching Gulf in the arm. She had one mean hook. Gulf developed hyper-vigilance of Klara’s weapon of limbs after that. 

And it turned out Mack was Lang’s cousin. Klara saw Lang having trouble printing his papers at the library one time, volunteered her aid and brought him to join Gulf and Mack for dinner. That was how they found out – a happy reunion. Since Lang was in CU Science Faculty, it became an almost daily thing for the four of them to hang out, particularly for lunch.

Lang Thawan Choonhavon was gone for Klara König since the first time he saw her.

Gulf had never seen him with eyes so wide and panicky every time Klara did as much as saying ‘hi’ to him. He would try every chance he got trying to get into Klara’s good graces. When they bumped into each other, he’d walk with her, letting her spiral (in a good way) about weird and random things like the likely existence of swimming pools in the galaxy. Knowing how Klara ate all the time, Lang would bring her some random snacks. He’d pay for her drinks too but Klara complained that since Lang was sneaky about it, she couldn’t use her mountain of free vouchers her brothers gave her all the time. Lang even threw in some one-liners, in unexpected random bouts of bravado, to Klara and they laughed about it. 

They were at the Engineering Building’s canteen (how they got there was a mystery). Klara was reading up some notes for their next class, as per her habit and Lang was sitting right next to her, eyeing her movements and anticipating her needs. Gulf and Mack sat slightly farther down the long bench from the duo. They were with few other friends from Engineering, mostly acquainted with Klara’s brother and Mack the gossipmonger. Some from the Swimming Club while some from Gulf’s own club. 

At first Gulf wasn’t sure but after some time observing the two, he realised that his Eurasian friend really was that oblivious to Lang’s advances. Gulf didn’t know whether he should root for them or not. Mack said to just let Lang suffer some more and it was free Thai rom-com.

“But they do look good together,” Mack sighed, lazily munching on a potato crisp.

They sure did. Lang was almost as tall as Gulf, and Gulf was pretty sure he was still growing. Last he measured his height at 180 centimetres. Since Gulf slouched so much, they couldn’t be certain. Lang looked like your typical university student. Pale skin, almond-shaped eyes made small from thick-rimmed glasses, hair a slight mess because there was no point in combing your hair when your hands and the wind ruffled them all day long. At least Lang’s short dark brown hair was on the more manageable side. Nothing like Gulf’s messy lion mane. One of these days, he should just tie it all up into a topknot. Like a Samurai – that would be pretty cool.

Mack’s grunt broke his train of thought. 

“Falling in love and getting into a relationship instantly is _boring_ , Gulf. A tumultuous courting is the one that lasts.”

There might be some truth to that, despite the Shakespearean way of saying it. Subconsciously, Gulf twisted his bracelet, fingers slowing pulling at the black beads. He pondered over Mack’s random pearl of wisdom. As far as he knew, Mack wasn’t seeing anyone at that moment.

“Falling in love too fast will only bring you heartbreak,” Gulf mumbled, mood suddenly shifting.

When Mack asked him to repeat what he said, Gulf gave a weak smile and shook his head.

“It’s nothing important.”

-M-

Gulf’s fingers hovered over his laptop’s trackpad. His eyes roved over the words on his screen, reading them over and over again. There was a mini meet-and-greet that was going to be held at Siam Centre at 3pm and Gulf felt like screaming. It was of the only entertainment celebrity that he ever followed religiously. The ticket registration form was still displayed, his browser hovering over the submit button. He drank in the smiling actor and wondered if maybe it was time he saw _him_ in person. 

Those charming eyes that seemed to captivate even in pictures – there was depth in them and they looked like they could unravel your deepest secrets. The nice words and encouragement that he heard and read – especially on his twitter feed. The sole purpose his account was made was to see videos upon videos of him, smiling and waving politely to his fans. His tweets always cheered Gulf up, even though he knew they weren’t directly addressed to him but to the artist’s fans in general.

Mew Suppasit. Just thinking of his name made his heart fluttered.

Gulf’s ears felt hot. Maybe it wasn’t the time yet. He closed his laptop gently with a heavy sigh. And nestled under the duvet to sleep.

It had been two years. Two years of him battling with depression and irrational anxiety, and he triumphed over them every day.

Gulf hadn’t been the most stable person there was.

He was diagnosed with atypical depression since a young age. His teen years were spent trying to maneuver life with his antidepressants and scheduled visits to his psychiatrist. Most of the time, he was all right while some other days he was in the state of hypersomnia and couldn’t move his body. His family got really good at reading his emotions, hugging him close when he wanted comfort and leaving him enough personal space when he wanted some alone time. They didn’t question him when he stayed in one place too long, suffocated at the thought of someone even touching him. Gulf had a strong support system and for that he was forever grateful.

It had been two years since he found out about Mew Suppasit.

Two years of slowly developing a crush. At first, he didn’t realise he was falling for the actor. All he knew was that he felt happy all the time because of Khun Suppasit - smiling just looking at photos of Mew, from watching his interviews, advertisements, commercials or lakorn. Just amazed at how thoughtful and eloquent the handsome actor was. Sometimes when he was in the city, he would see a LED-powered billboard featuring Mew and he would stop to admire it.

It took a little talk with his sister to realise he was harbouring some feelings for Mew. It was also the first time Gulf thought of his sexuality.

“Nong, it’s fine if you like him. Phi and Mae and Phorh would still love you, alright? I can see how happy you’ve been these days, we don’t want to take that away from you,” Gift once said, teary-eyed from joy at Gulf’s improving mental state. What sister wanted to see their sibling suffer? 

However, Gulf was content with admiring the star from afar. He joined Mew’s fandom, Mewlions. Clever how fans named themselves based on what Mew once said. It was a nice gesture. He followed Mew on his social media, riding on the high of happiness he had been feeling since he first saw the 26-year-old. Fifty percent of his notifications were updates on Mew’s activities, while the rest were mostly texts from family or Klara and his games. If only he was this in-sync with his school things.

He never attended anything public because a big crowd of adrenaline-fueled fans that had a tendency to scream so loud might trigger a nervous breakdown. He hated loud voices. Maybe one day he’d overcome it. So he never attended any of Mew’s events, period. Instead Gulf would buy things, writing short notes of encouragement as his token of appreciation. And he had a lovely sister who helped him with delivering his gifts to Mew. It gave him such pleasure seeing his presents in the background when Mew posted photos thanking his fans for their gifts. He was afraid that his weren’t accepted, that they might get rejected but seeing them in a mountain of others was enough to send him to cloud nine.

Just then his phone chimed softly. He opened it to find a LINE message from Klara asking him if he was free that weekend. The meet-and-greet was this Sunday. Gulf bit his lip.

**Tr. Kana**

_I am, why?_

**Klassy Klara**

_So there’s this sale… Come with me, pls na naa~_

Gulf weighed his options. He was already halfway convinced he should not go to the fan meeting. He was afraid to see Mew in person, much less interact with him or handing him a gift. What if he made a big fool out of himself?

He looked over to his desk where a carefully wrapped box containing his latest gift for Mew was placed. It was carefully covered in plain black paper, since it was his favourite colour – less time spent on choosing one. It’s something he had always done. He wrapped everything in black if he could (which he did). He tied the box with a soft green cloth ribbon to make it look more festive. He had wrapped his gifts for Mew this way for the last two years. Heck, he would gift-wrap everything the exact same way. He liked the consistency.

**Tr. Kana**

_Sure. What time and where?_

Klara bombarded his screen with a stream of heart emoji and stickers, some gif saying ‘yay!’ and a ‘thank youuuu’.

**Klassy Klara**

_1pm. Meet me at Chula. This Sunday. Don’t be late! Love you na!_

**Tr. Kana**

_Okay khrab. Love you too._

Gulf put his phone on the side table. He’d call his sister and asked her for a favour soon. He’d pay for the ticket, of course. 

-M-

In all honesty, Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat was excited.

It had been so long since he had a day off. But that wasn’t really what made him giddy. He was having a meet-and-greet at the end of the week.

When his manager, Bosser told him about it, he immediately wrote the details on his calendar. Counting the days. Mew was a social person by nature. The chance to see his fans and getting their support were some of the things that made him strive to be better in both his personal life and career as an actor. 

The entertainment industry was a harsh place, especially for actors. As easy it was to get in and obtain fame, it was also as easy to be forgotten. He didn’t expect that he could last this long, it used to be a side job to occupy his time. Accepting a modelling offer from a random person (it was Bosser) in a middle of a shopping complex became his humble beginning on this path. All he had to do was put some clothes on, stretched his legs, stood or look a certain way. It was lucrative, having extra pocket money and to add to his savings never hurt.

He found that he liked engaging in easy jobs that paid well, juggling them effortlessly with his studies. 

With modelling gigs came other offers. He didn’t have any acting training but Mew was raised tagging along to his parents’ business parties – which was in itself a cutthroat environment disguised in pleasantries. In those, he was expected to behave in a certain manner and to engage in certain layered conversations. And he found that acting was similar to that. A few seconds in music videos turned to commercial and product ambassadorship offers. Small parts here and there in dramas.

Before he finally accepted a main role for a BL series. His popularity skyrocketed and before he knew it, he got recognised in public more often. Stopped and smiled at by giggly teenagers, male and female. Getting random questions and praises such as ‘how are you?’, ‘have you eaten?’, ‘p’Mew you’re so handsome’ and most importantly unabashed confessions of ‘I love you’.

He didn’t know what they saw in him to support him so fiercely. But he really was grateful. It was more than he could ask for.

That Sunday, he woke up before his alarm even went off. So jittery he was that he couldn’t focus on what he was doing. All through his morning routine and breakfast, he was distracted. He couldn’t wait for afternoon to come. Why was the fan meeting so late in the afternoon? He lamented.

He tried doing some of his readings. He was just enrolled at Chula for his masters and it was going smoothly. He attended classes and socialised well with other students in his department. It was a good thing that graduate students did not have to wear uniforms, and that his time was more flexible compared to when he did his degree. He had been quite discreet that his fans hadn’t found out he was attending Chulalongkorn. Some students definitely recognised him, but nothing was posted online about him in university so he relaxed. It wasn’t that he had anything against anybody knowing that he was still studying. But privacy was hard to come by these days. Mew began flipping through papers and looking up articles on his laptop. 

Sadly, he ended up just staring uselessly at his books, the words and formulas not registering at all. No work could be done with his current state of mind. The clock’s hands were moving so slowly for his taste.

There was a reason why he was so keyed up and euphoric all at the same time.

His eyes gazed fondly at the black bracelet he had been wearing for almost two years. It was a fan gift. Something he treasured so much since he first received it.

It was a simple bead wristlet that had an inch-long cylindrical ornament. His name were written uniquely on it, ‘J. Suppasit’ carved neatly. Mew was intrigued the first time he saw it because he rarely received such gift – most consisted of snacks, clothes, portraits and stuffed dolls. Other times he would get flowers. Seldom would he find jewellery. And it’s one gift where his real name was used. 

But more than the bracelet, the note accompanying the gift was what touched him. It was an earnest message, written on a single loose paper that was folded neatly. Mew read it too much; he could cite it by heart.

_Khun Mew,_

_You have given me strength and happiness at my weakest._

_Your words gave me strength to walk forward – step by step._

_You gave me hope that I could finally be better._

_I hope you are blessed with triple the amount of happiness you have given me, and I pray that you are given strength to overcome anything in your life._

_Thank you,_

_K_

The words hit him in a way he couldn’t explain fully with words. He had never felt so strongly for something. The neatly handwritten message was so sincere he was lost for word. He wanted to know the sender of the gift and the person behind such a heartfelt message. Mew wanted to comfort the unknown person. He wanted to help them, who had seemed so broken, in their journey in healing.

He kept the note.

It was sometime after that he had an event and brought home more presents from his fans. When he found another gift that he was certain from the same person, he immediately looked for a note. The note read:

_Khun Mew,_

_You are a wonderful person. Believe in yourself._

_‘You have within you right now, everything you need to deal with whatever the world can throw at you’ – Brian Tracy_

_Nice quote, isn’t it Khun Phi?_

_Wishing you the best of luck,_

_K_

A scandal broke out shortly before that and he experienced another heartbreak. It hurt too much and what was worse was that he was rejected rather publicly. Everybody kept telling him that everything would be okay and he knew it would be. Nobody knew how crushed he felt on the inside. This mystery fan seemed to know the right words to say to him like an effective balm that mended and soothed the cracks in his heart. He really wanted to express his gratitude but there wasn’t any return address.

The second gift was a wool blanket. He didn’t question it.

It became another treasured possession. 

After that, Mew found a pattern. ‘K’’s gifts always came in a black box with green ribbons. The size would vary but they always came in that colour scheme and a little message. The notes sometimes contained English quotes – Mew delighted in reading all of them, ‘K’ seemed to have an intuition that Mew found the words were, more than often, were what he needed at the time. ‘K’’ gifts were always amusing – Mew felt like ‘K’ boxed up whatever they were feeling of giving him.

Mew didn’t know the gift sender as his manager or other event staff were the ones who would collect them. He didn’t know what gender ‘K’ was. Several times he attempted to catch at least a glimpse of ‘K’ but he never did. Luck sided with him again when something new happened. He received a book from ‘K’ and the usual heartwarming note.

But this note gave him a name and Mew was sure it was by accident. He almost didn’t realise it. ‘K’ always signed the note with the letter ‘K’ but that day he receive one that said:

_Thank you,_

_Kana_

The note was scribbled in a slightly messy handwriting, as if it was done in a rush. Mew traced the romanised ‘Kana’ reverently. Finally a name for the person shrouded in mystery.

Kana

The 26-year-old actor didn’t know if that was ‘K’’s first or last name, but he was banking on the former. A lovely name that suited the lovely messages. It was the only time the note was signed as such, confirming his suspicion that Kana wrote it by mistake. 

And this Sunday at 3pm, Mew’s fan meeting session allowed a close-up interaction with the actor. Mew was determined to meet Kana. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know that 'Kana/Kanaa' is what the fandom affectionately call Gulf and I really like it. I like that it means Kale and how Wanjais shorten Mew's name so we get kale soup for a couple. I love this fandom!
> 
> And another thing:  
> So Thai has distinct gender polite particles 'khrab/khrap' and 'kha/ka'. Just imagine that in this story, the notes given to Mew didn't contain these particles so the sender's gender remains a mystery to Mew. But we all know who it is.


	4. You Overwhelm Me I Might Overdose

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fresh out the oven, and not edited. I'm just going to put it up and come back to fix them errors. 
> 
> Well... enjoy!

_I can only take you in small doses. Loving you – it’s explosive._

_Bebe Rexha_

**CHAPTER 3**

“We’re going to Siam Centre?!” Gulf’s voice rose in panic.

His head swivelled so fast to the driver.

“Yup,” Klara chirped.

She picked him up from CU, looking all excited as she rushed a sleepy Gulf into the car. It was a typical sunny day, and Gulf liked the scent of Klara’s car. As both of them had sensitive nose, Klara’s air freshener smelled mild and soothing and clean. Nothing sugary sweet or floral, Klara hated those. The radio was on, hooked to Klara’s playlist. So they were listening to one of Drake’s songs – one he was sure would not be played on any of their local channels. Klara’s choice of music was unexpected, only because she listened more to rap and hip-hop than pop – she said it was probably because she grew up with boys. Most of the artists she listened to were what her brothers would have playing around the house. She made a face when profanity came up and switched the song. They engaged in mindless chat before Klara told him where they were going. 

“But I can’t go there!” Gulf blurted out.

“What? Why not?” Klara frowned, gesturing at her windscreen. “We’re almost there, Kanawut!”

And they were, because Siam Centre was less than five minutes away from Chulalongkorn University. They were literally going into the shopping complex, Siam Centre already taking up most of their vision.

Gulf’s heart started pounding loudly. He couldn’t tell Klara why. He tried to calm down, ticking off a mental list. He had taken his antidepressants. He didn’t feel bad today. He was, in fact, happy to hang out with Klara. This was okay, no big deal. It was only 1pm, the event didn’t start until 3pm. Maybe he could get out of there before that. Maybe this would only be the first of Klara’s many stops.

“I’m just… not a fan of big crowds, remember? But it's fine,” Gulf said instead. It was true, so he wouldn’t feel bad about lying – he omitted the truth. 

The truth was he didn’t think he’d survive looking at Mew Suppasit in real life. He tried once in the early days of his introduction to Mew, accompanied by Gift Traipipattanapong to his event but Gulf chickened out at the last second. He almost hyperventilated, it was too much for him to handle. He didn’t realise how loud and crowded it was going to be. Gift took him out of the venue as soon as Gulf’s breath hitched.

Maybe Gulf and Klara wouldn’t even be in the same area as where Mew Suppasit’s event was going to be. His thoughts accompanied him all the way into the shopping mall.

“Hui, why are there so many people blocking the way?” Klara grunted, as she tiptoed to see the way.

She didn’t actually have to with how she towered over most people. Klara was tall. But there really were too many people. They had to hold hands so as not to be separated. It was like more and more people were in their path, both of them saying ‘excuse me’ too much as they shouldered on through the throng of people. 

“It’s the weekend, of course there are a lot of people,” Gulf replied.

“But not this much,” Klara tsked, “there must be an event or something!”

Her face suddenly changed, her slight frown disappearing. She looked at Gulf in excitement, complete with shaking their intertwined hands. And Gulf didn’t really like where this was going. Klara was one really curios creature. He knew what she was going to say before she said it.

“Kana, let’s check it out! This must be an event,” she gasped, hazel eyes sparkling, “what if there’s a celebrity?”

Klara developed a habit of calling Gulf with his shortened name after Lang called him with it. Curious of its origin, Gulf told her he had been writing his name like that everywhere because he was lazy to spell out the entire thing so he used ‘Kana’ to mark his belongings. After that Klara used it like its his nickname instead. Even Mack had started calling him Kana.

Gulf felt his stomach dropped. Not good. “But what about your sale?”

Klara waved her hand dismissively. “That’s not what’s important right now.”

Gulf scoffed in disbelief as Klara dragged him along to where the crowd seemed to be converging.

“Klara, I don’t think t-this is a good idea,” Gulf stuttered. He tried his best to avoid bumping into the wall of girls. The 19-year-old knew exactly where they would end up at and that was not what he wanted at all. Looking at the number of people, the floor would be packed to the max. Why did they decide to host it in an open area? All possible routes and exits would be blocked by fans, if not possible bodyguards. He felt like a headache was coming. They were stuck, and Klara decided to gently tap on the shoulder of a girl in front of them. She turned around and Klara blasted her megawatt polite smile, one where her eyes crinkled slightly and her dimples showing. It’s the face she always had when interacting with their lecturers, admin people and strangers.

The fangirl (Gulf couldn’t think of what else she could be) was holding a camera with seriously professional lens and it was daunting. Another girl next to her also turned around. The girl with the camera tugged her mask down to her chin and looked at both Gulf and Klara. Gulf tilted his head slightly to her in greeting. When he Wai-ed her, he was bringing Klara’s hand along with his. Oh, he forgot about that. Both girls exchanged a look before returning his greeting.

“Yes kha?” She asked, eyeing Klara suspiciously. 

_“Khothos na kha_ (Excuse me), can you tell me what event is happening right now?” Klara asked politely, her body bent slightly forward, appearing unthreatening, so her height difference with the girls would not be too apparent. The top of König’s head was usually level with his eyes, that made Klara somewhere in the 170 at least. The girls in front of them were maybe about 150 something. From their young faces, Gulf deduced that they were probably high-schoolers.

Gulf felt bad for imposing on them, especially with them straining their necks slightly to look at Klara and him. He followed Klara’s example, surreptitiously stretching a leg forward.

“Oh, there’s nothing right now yet, but there will be a fan meet-and-greet na with p’Mew later at 3pm,” the girls giggled. The one with the camera kept glancing at Gulf and he felt slightly insecure. Did he leave the house with something on his face? Or on his stark white shirt? He looked at his shirt, discreetly checking for any embarrassing stain.

A blank look passed over Klara’s face before she turned sheepish. Gulf knew that look. She didn’t know whom they were talking about. The Education Technology student didn’t know whether to laugh or leave Klara to the excitable and likely unpredictable fan reactions.

“I’m so sorry, I’m not sure who that is,” Klara said. Seemed like she was determined in making a conversation.

“Oh my,” the one with the camera gasped, before taking out her phone and showing Klara her lock screen, immediately handing the phone to Klara. Unsurprisingly, it was a photo of the one and only Mew Suppasit, from the waist up, posing rather seductively in a flimsy looking pyjama top that was left unbuttoned. The man was confidently showing his toned body. Gulf almost let out a gasp. That picture could not be legal!

Klara’s eyes widened in interest. “Oh, wow.”

The three girls shared laughter that could only mean how attractive they found Mew was.

“Kana, look, he’s so handsome,” Klara said, pushing the phone to Gulf’s face as if he couldn’t see the screen perfectly fine from Klara’s hold when she was introduced to the celebrity.

Gulf only nodded in agreement. He was already feeling embarrassed, feeling like his secret crush would be exposed under the eyes of these girls. He wouldn’t know – girls naturally had this kind of instinct. They could probably smell his discomfort. Or his fear.

“Your boyfriend is very handsome too, phi,” the camera-girl shyly offered. Her friend nodded enthusiastically.

Klara laughed, gave him a teasing side look and bumped her shoulder against Gulf’s, closer now than they already were. With how similarly they dressed – plain white shirts and light denim jeans, and hands still holding each other’s (platonically, of course) it was a wonder they weren’t mistaken as a couple. Gulf returned Klara’s gaze with a ‘really, Klara?’ – a look of exasperation. She was enjoying the misunderstanding too much. She didn’t bother to correct them either.

The teenagers giggled again, squealing under their breath that Gulf couldn’t decipher – cutting his and Klara’s staring session short. Gulf felt his face heated up. His right hand came up to rub his neck, the cool cylinder ornament on his bracelet cool against his skin. That was when a thought crossed his mind. He dropped his arm, tucking it behind him in a hurry.

“Klara, we have a sale to go to, remember?” Gulf whispered into his best friend’s ear. He wanted to get out of there before they realised.

Gulf’s bracelet was a perfect match to Mew’s, down to every last detail.

The bracelet that was always on display in most of the actor's pictures and videos – the one he never really took off and one his fans knew of as his signature accessory. He had seen tweets of the bracelet, mostly the assumption that it was bought by the actor himself. 

It wasn’t an unusual band per say, but it was half of a pair of distance bracelets. Gulf would know because he had them custom-made and engraved.

It was his token of appreciation. The first of his many gifts to Mew.

Luckily for Gulf, the teen fangirls didn’t seem to see it. They were moving forward, swept up into the ambling of a unified crowd of a fan club. They were standing around the stage, watching as the place was being set up. Banners with Mew’s face and name written on them were hung and placed all over. Despite how early it was, people were already sitting on the floor waiting for their star to arrive – all looking like the camera-girl. Likely it was to have a good enough spot so they could see Mew in all his charismatic glory. Gulping, Gulf banished the thought of a smiling Mew away. He needed to get out of there or he’d explode. Or fainted.

Klara nodded, and Gulf’s tense posture relaxed slightly.

“Should we check him out later? We got time we can come back,” Klara looked at her watch.

 _No, please no,_ Gulf thought.

“I don’t think this kind of event is free. We might need to pay an entrance fee or something to join,” Gulf hedged.

“True, true.” Klara turned to the girls again. “Nong, do we have to pay to attend the event?”

Both shook their head while Gulf wanted to bang his on a wall.

“Since they’re doing it on this floor, anybody can come see him. It’s only for the autograph and picture session that you need to have a ticket.”

Klara appeared dejected. “It would be nice if I can take a photo with him, tell people I know a celebrity.”

Gulf tugged at their hands, urging Klara to wrap up the conversation. At this point, Gulf didn’t know why they were still holding hands but if Klara didn’t point out how clammy his hand was, he’d consider it a win. She was keeping him grounded. Klara knew of his slight aversion to crowds and public spaces like this shopping complex. He confided in Klara of his health in case he’d experience a trigger when she was with him. It was unlikely now, but it didn’t hurt to be cautious.

Klara finally said farewell to the girls, politely telling them to take lots of pictures and having them show her Mew’s social media so she could ogle him some more.

They parted on friendly note and Gulf couldn’t wait to get away – to get as far away as he physically could – from the second floor of Siam Centre.

Gulf couldn’t wait to get away. 

-M-

Mew couldn’t wait to get to Siam Centre.

That was why he decided to come an hour early incognito. Not as much disguised as just wearing plain clothes and covering his face to an extreme. He wore a bucket hat, covering his eyes and a generic blue surgical mask. He was supposed to dress up and put some make-up on at the event anyway. He texted Bosser to go without him later and that he was already at the venue.

He came straight from home after exhausting all things that might distract him. All he could think of was the very real likelihood of meeting Kana. 

The actor saw the growing crowd at the event, cataloguing the layout and the faces of people in attendance. There were a lot of them and one of them could be Kana. The prospect excited him. This was someone who mended his heart and made him want to do better and better every single time.

He wanted to have the chance to thank Kana in person for their support.

Mew decided to walk around the centre at a leisurely pace. There was no specific destination in mind. The white noise of the crowd was a welcome distraction. He let his feet guide him, turning randomly along the way. He passed shopfronts, making notes of maybe going into some of them when he had the time. He sat on a bench just to watch people passing by, wondering briefly where they were going. Some people were alone, some in a group of friends while some other were family units. All there with their own agendas – just like Mew. Nobody spared him a look so he could watch them in peace.

His phone vibrated. Bosser was calling him, probably going to tell him to come and prepare. Sighing, he stood from his seat and made his way to the event. He answered the call.

“I’m on my way there,” he said as a way of greeting. Bosser was a worrier so he tried not to stress his manager too much.

“Alright,” Bosser replied, the background of the call noisier than on Mew’s side, “your clothes are already here. There’s some food too just in case you want to eat.”

“Food sounds good,” Mew said, rubbing his eye, “now that I think of it, I’m kind of hu-“

Mew accidentally bumped into a bony shoulder and his phone dropped. His elbow got knocked against in the collision and his shoulder ached slightly. 

“Oh! I’m so sorry!” A male voice said, voice high and slightly nasal. 

“No, no,” Mew chuckled, “it’s my fault for not looking where I was going.”

Mew was already halfway down reaching for his phone, when it was snatched off the floor by the other person.

“It’s my fault too for not paying attention too, here,” said person said in a rush, handing Mew’s phone back.

Mew took it, thanking the polite stranger, the actor’s vision slightly obscured as Mew tried to hide his face. All he saw was white fabric and long, long legs in denim. As soon as the device was in his hand, he heard a call that made him froze.

_“Kana, let’s go.”_

And the man in front of him turned quickly to the voice and called out an ‘okay’. Mew wanted to reach out but the stranger was already jogging away to join his companion and getting swallowed by the throng of crowd.

In a second, Mew lost sight of him. There he stood gaping, Bosser's tinny voice calling out for him from the still ongoing call.

_It couldn’t be… could it?_


	5. I'll Admire You From A Safe Distance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'll be busy(ier) now. I'm jittery all over. I'm starting work tomorrow, on top of my studies and tutoring. And honestly, I don't know how I'll survive. I need all the luck TA-ing the shit out of young minds (this is not a very good example, I shouldn't have said it).
> 
> Anyway, here's an update, kinda like a filler chap I think. I'll edit it sometime later when I got the time. I might be posting a new chapter sporadically from now on, I apologise in advance. Also, feel free to check out my Mewgulf one-shot. Read it or not - to pass the time, it's up to you.
> 
> Happy reading and happy Sunday!

_If I wait here just a little, will I be able to see you? I’m sure I won’t but far away at the place we first met, seems like I can see you_.

_Shownu & Kihyun_

**CHAPTER 4**

Honestly, Mew didn’t know how he could focus or how he carried out the event without a hitch. On the surface it seemed like nothing was wrong; nothing was out of the ordinary.

As soon as Mew came into the dressing room provided for the event, Bosser knew something was on the actor’s mind. He was quieter, looking distracted as makeup artists buzzed around him. He didn’t even engage them in small talks, only nodding or shaking his head in reply with a polite smile.

As soon as he walked out the stage, Mew put his game face on. He greeted the enthusiastic emcee politely and waved at his screaming adoring fans.

And Bosser didn’t get to ask him anything. He eyed Mew extra carefully as he received countless bags from fans along the way, immediately handing them over to the event committee for safekeeping. With how generous the fans were, even the manager was surprised with the extravagant gifts – brand names after brand names - that if he were ever to lose them Mew might not pay his salary for several months. The manager felt that Mew might not have to buy new clothes with how much he received.

Thankfully, the event went smoothly. Mew posed for pictures, showing off his jawline in a sexy pose, making a cute face at the request of fans even entertaining childlike questions from the crowd. It was all in good fun. Lucky fans got to participate in games with the star, supervised by the chirpy fun emcee. The meet-and-greet wrapped up with fans lining up for Mew’s autograph and a selfie together. Some fans took the opportunity to pass the actor some gifts too, which Mew accepted graciously.

It was only on his way home, driven by Bosser, that the Thai-Chinese actor realised that he never went through with his plan for the day.

-M-

“Phi khrab,” Gulf said into the phone, “how’s the event? Did you give it to him?”

“Ai nong, let me breathe, I’m fine by the way,” Gift chuckled. “The event went okay, I got an autograph for you, baby. And yes, I gave him your gift. What was in it? It’s heavier than your usual. Oho, my arms are hurt now.”

“That’s a secret, phi,” Gulf moaned, ignoring his older sister’s teasing. He was giddy just imagining Khun Mew Suppasit unboxing his latest gift. And hoped he liked it. He didn’t know what to give Mew that he spent weeks just thinking of what would be nice. What was a good present for an actor, who had everything and who could easily buy anything?

In the end, Gulf bought some socks and a kindle. The combination might look odd but nobody could really follow the 19-year-old’s thoughts. The socks were because Gulf found some cute ones while shopping for his. He kept losing his socks, weirdly of one foot’s. Even his mother took notice.

“You need new socks na, luk,” Mrs. Traipipattanapong shook her head in a slight reprimand one morning as Gulf was putting on his socks – one black the other light blue, a clear mismatch. Gulf could only sigh as he shared his mother’s sentiment.

The kindle was purchased after Gulf saw an interview of Mew’s. Pretty generic questions posed but then Mew mentioned how he didn’t have enough time to read much less buy a book with his schedule. The 26-year-old also said how he liked reading while travelling. That gave Gulf the idea that having an e-reader would be so convenient. So he took out some money from his savings and got the best one he could find.

Gulf was currently having dinner with Klara at the food court. The hazel-eyed German descent was nowhere in sight as she went to get some drinks with her brother. So Gulf was left alone.

At one point, their little excursion was joined by Jan, the second König brother who was in the area. The Engineering student was supposed to be on a date with his girlfriend but they had to cancel at the last minute since Jan’s girlfriend had a family emergency. With nothing better to do, Jan rang up Klara and asked if she needed some company. It wasn’t the first time Gulf met Jan. He was friendly, with similar facial features as Klara. His eyes showed his Asian blood more prominently, smaller and slit-eyed. Jan was built, showing how regularly he visited the gym. He could probably crush somebody in a hug with his veiny arms. Gulf had been one recipient of said strong hug so he knew what Jan was likely capable of. The Königs sure were a tactile bunch. Since meeting Klara, Gulf had been patted, hugged and even kissed by the girl. 

Jan was also a model. It took Gulf awhile to place his face, having that nagging feeling of how familiar the older König was, until he saw Jan’s face on one of the models pictured outside of one H&M store. It turned out that all of the König brothers dabbled in the modelling industry at some point. Klara was the only one who wasn’t interested, preferring her part-time job at a small café close to her residence, and her tutoring.

Both Gulf and Klara had experience in getting ‘love cards’ randomly. In fact, Gulf was propositioned earlier when he was waiting by the toilets for Klara. In his attempt to get away, slowly inching backwards from an enthusiastic supposedly modelling agent, he accidentally knocked someone’s phone off their hands.

Thank goodness nothing bad happened after that. Gulf managed to keep calm and didn’t freeze or worse, experiencing a breakdown. The person he bumped into didn’t scold him and Klara’s timing was perfect, calling out his name. He managed to evade the agent without a second glance too. All was good.

Now, Gulf talked to his sister for a while. As soon as he saw Klara approaching, he said farewell to Tasanee, smiling at his best friend.

“Sorry, the line was long,” Klara dropped into her seat with a sigh.

Luckily, their food arrived just a bit before Klara came back. Klara went crazy with her shopping spree that they had to put the bags in her car before getting dinner. So they could eat with ease. Gulf asked where Jan was.

“He’s getting something else at another place,” Klara shrugged. Her eyes, much like Gulf’s, were already quite droopy as both of them played with their food. They were definitely exhausted and winding down. They ate in silence, even Jan didn’t talk much seeing how exhausted his sister and her friend was.

Gulf turned down the siblings’ offer to go to the cinema saying that he was too sleepy and might fell asleep on the bus ride home if he didn’t excuse himself soon. Klara giggled into her brother’s shoulder, saying she would see him at school the next day.

That night, Gulf fell into a dreamless sleep.

-M-

“P’Mew, what are you thinking about so hard? Your eyebrows are merging.”

The gentle teasing voice snapped Mew out of his trance and looked at the faces around him. He rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, uttering his apology.

“Sorry, I was thinking of something for a moment,” Mew said.

“As I was saying,” the girl smiled, “we can set the meeting when we are all free. Now let’s see when we’ll be available. P’Kade?”

She turned to another girl right next to her. Kade pursed her lips, flipping through her folder to check her timetable.

“I’m usually free in the morning, since most of my classes are in the afternoon. I’m also good for Monday and Tuesday and the weekend is also okay kha,” Kade replied.

“Okay, what about you, Jan?”

“Oh,” Jan started, “my schedule is similar to P’Kade’s, so I’m free in the mornings, Peach. My Wednesday is totally free but I’ve club activities on Thursday. We can do work at my house too since I live really close by.”

Peach nodded before finally turning to Mew, “what about you then, P’Mew? I only have classes at night this semester so I’m okay with any day. We know that you’re quite busy nowadays so we can maybe schedule the meetings around yours.”

Kade and Jan smiled at him.

Mew was glad that his group mates’ schedules were flexible compared to his. “I also have mostly afternoon and night classes. One lab Friday mornings. I don’t mind meeting on the weekend either.”

“Okay,” Kade clapped her hand. “How about getting together two or three times a week? I vote for Monday, Tuesday and Friday – afternoon okay _chì may_? Only when we’re desperate will we do it on the weekend, okay?”

The meeting was set and the women bid them farewell.

Mew knew Peach Kemakorn from when he did his degree as they both went to Kasetsart. They weren’t close but they knew of each other. She was his junior but they started graduate studies at he same time as Mew took the opportunity to travel after graduation. And then acting.

Peach was petite, dark hair voluminous and who smiled with crescent eyes Mew swore she might not be able to see anything whenever she laughed. Despite being younger, she gave off a rather motherly vibe. Kade Parintra was older than him, already in her second year, doing her master on a part-time basis. She was usually quiet but very, very sharp that Mew was intimidated by how fast her mind worked. She was probably a math genius. If possible, Mew wanted to trade brains with her. Jan König surprised him when they met for the first time and Jan went in for a hug. Kade had to pull him aside and said not to be fazed, as Jan is known in their faculty as the social butterfly who did not care for boundaries. Apparently, it ran in the family as Jan’s older brother, a CU medicine alumnus, was rumoured to be the same. Another thing the Königs were was that they were fools for their youngest sister. Some of the stories Mew heard were that they destroyed anybody who tried to get close to her – with various tactics from intercepting her Valentine gifts to threatening the unlucky bastards.

Only Jan was left in the classroom with him, and his thumb was busy gliding over his phone screen.

“You’re not going home?” Mew asked.

“Nah, I have basketball practice later,” Jan said distractedly. He then looked at Mew. “Hey, if you’re not doing anything later, wanna join me?”

Mew raised an eyebrow. He didn’t really have anything important to do at the time. His only plan was to re-read his proposal in case he needed to tweak some things. But basketball sounded good, he needed the exercise. It might do him good to play.

“I’d love to, but I think I’m rusty,” Mew replied.

“That’s fine, man. It’s informal anyway. We’re just gonna have a round or two to release stress,” Jan scoffed good-naturedly.

“Well then, sure, I don’t mind joining.”

“Cool, cool, the more the merrier!” Jan’s right cheek dimpled as he grinned. “It’s in an hour but we can go now if you want?”

It was fortunate that Mew was already wearing sport shoes. And Jan offered his spare work-out clothes to Mew.

“I have tons kept at my gym locker and in my car. Clean, of course,” Jan winked. Mew laughed. Judging from the mild laundry smell coming off the tank top and shorts Jan handed him, it all checked out.

Physically exerting himself might take his mind off of Kana.

-M-

Bosser knocked on his bedroom door, and peeked inside. Mew glanced at the younger man as he took off his accessories for the day. He wanted to take a shower before turning in for the night.

“P’Mew,” Bosser walked closer, and in his outstretched hands was a box.

A black box adorned with green ribbons.

Mew stopped in his track. There was no denying how familiar the package looked to him now. Mew’s heart ached. There was this bittersweet feeling he couldn’t explain.

He gently took it off Bosser’s hands and was surprised with how heavy it was. He was feeling slightly excited to see what was inside the precious box.

“Did you see who it was?” Mew looked up to Bosser’s face. One look and he knew the sender remained mysterious still.

“It’s given to P’Best, phi,” Bosser smiled excitedly, “he saw who it was!”

Bester was Mew’s other manager but it was Bosser who was the one usually tagging along to Mew’s big events. The two managers split the work offers Mew got between them. Bester handled the modelling side of Mew’s events. While Bosser arranged everything acting related. If Mew got interviews, fan meetings or awards, both would usually come with him. Much like the recent meet-and-greet.

“What did the person look like, Boss? Did P’Best tell you?” Mew implored. He was suddenly reminded of the person he bumped into before his event.

“Well, P’Best only see her for like a few seconds since a lot of people were giving him things too but since that’s a heavy package she stands out.”

“She?” Mew asked.

“Yeah, Kana is a woman, P’Mew. P’Best said she’s probably around your age. From what he can remember, she was soft-spoken when she passed the box to him. She told him to hold the bag with the box carefully.”

“Anything else?” Mew asked, already sitting on the edge of his bed as he carefully unwrapped the precious gift. He wanted to know more, he wanted to paint an image of what she looked like.

“She had a small face, big eyes and sharp nose. That’s all he told me.”

That was pretty generic, basically a description of most of the Thai population in Bangkok. Mew chuckled. How hard it was to pin down this elusive Kana. Because Mew had fans who went all their way to get noticed. This Kana seemed adamant to blend in with the crowd, not realising how much her gifts had been affecting Mew.

The last of the tape peeled off, Mew pulled the lid to reveal a brand-new kindle. His eyes widened. It wasn’t the most expensive he had got, but it was one that made him pause. He quickly lifted the kindle, still in its package, to make sure that he really did have one now. Mew had been thinking of getting one over the past few weeks but he hadn’t got the time to actually buy one. Once again, Kana managed to surprise him – in a good way, of course.

He found the folded note and wasted no time in reading it not noticing that Bosser had already excused himself out of the room.

_Dear Khun P’Mew,_

_I didn’t know what to give you at first. It seems like I’ve exhausted all gift ideas._

_Since you like reading so much, I hope you enjoy the kindle I got for you._

_It’s raining so much these days so please keep your feet dry and warm all the time, okay?_

_Thank you for always shining so bright!_

_K_

Kana’s address was always formally polite, it’s endearing. And the encouragement. How much these words meant to him. He carefully refolded the note, made his way into his closet where he kept the first box containing all of Kana’s messages. Mew put the new one in, smiling dopily.

When he found the socks, Mew’s laugh echoed throughout the house. He’d get another chance at meeting Kana face-to-face. He’d make sure of it.

-M-

Gulf wanted to turn around and flee the gymnasium as soon as he entered. This was because he caught sight of the man standing next to and talking to Klara’s brother. But too late. Jan saw him and was excitedly waving him over. He didn’t have a good enough excuse if ever he were to turn back and walk away. 

Thus in slight fear and trepidation, Gulf shuffled his way to them, automatically hunching his shoulders and making himself appear smaller. He gave Wai to them before Jan pulled him in for a hug. He patted the older man in the back in return.

Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat’s eyes were on Gulf the whole time. It was the look of someone meeting a stranger – an appropriate amount of curiosity and politeness. But Mew’s eyes had always been the 19-year-old Education major’s favourite. Those eyes that were bottomless warmth and allure. Gulf wanted to crumble, let it be known that he was defeated. This was where he died in peace and his eulogy would say ‘herein lies Gulf Kanawut, his soul too weak to withstand Mew’s intense gaze’. His eyes wandered a bit to some students who seemed to be fans of Mew, holding handmade signs with the actor’s name. They didn’t seem like a hyper bunch, looking relaxed as they watched Mew. Gulf forced himself to smile at the actor. 

Mew looked so amazing despite wearing basically what other people milling around in the gym were wearing. His magnificent biceps were on display and apparently his legs were pretty muscular too.

“Sawadee khrab,” Mew greeted him. Gulf whimpered.

Thank goodness neither of them heard him as he returned the address with ears and cheeks flaming. A thought occurred to him, making him sweat in panic.

_Why was Mew here? Don’t tell me…_

“P’Mew, this is Gulf. He’s from Humanities and Social Studies. And Gulf, P’Mew is in my department, he’s a grad student,” Jan gestured at each of them.

Gulf could only look at Mew’s smile for a few seconds before permanently fixing his vision to the floor. Oh no, this was the first time he was hearing of Mew studying at Chulalongkorn. It’s either really recent or it was never announced on media.

And that meant there was a chance Gulf would be seeing Mew around school!

“Nong, are you okay? You look quite flushed,” Mew suddenly said. He tried to look Gulf in the eye, bending slightly to better look at him, worried for the mousy junior.

“No, no, I’m okay,” Gulf bowed to the star before saying he needed to find his friends. He exhaled in relief as soon as he found Lang and Mack, passing a basketball between them back and forth. People from various faculties met up for a weekly round, which bridged and promoted interfaculty relations. It was one of the things taught by their seniors and became one of the many traditions in Chula. Their students usually knew each other because of this, despite their different programmes, and it helped if they needed to do collaborative work outside their faculty. This gathering also promoted a healthy lifestyle and Gulf joined not just basketball but other athletic meet-ups. He was becoming a regular in sports events.

This particular basketball match was set up between three faculties: Humanities, Science and Engineering. Jan reminded him of it the day before, before they parted ways. Mack threw the ball to him with a call – Gulf dribbled it leisurely before passing it to Lang. 

“Hey, ready for a game?” Lang huffed excitedly, “warm up first or you’ll get cramps. Klara is here too.”

The girl in question let out a loud whoop when Gulf glanced her way, waving enthusiastically at her best friend. It was kind of embarrassing.

Mack scoffed, “We’re up against her brother so her allegiance is kinda questionable, don’t you think?”

They had to have had a silly argument for Mack to be so sulky towards Klara. Gulf patted the man in the shoulder and steered him closer to the court as the referee blew his whistle midcourt signaling the start of the play. Gulf would concentrate on the game.

The sooner they play, the sooner they would finish – and the sooner Gulf could hide, far away in his own little world. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to tell me the mistakes I made yea, I made some in the previous chapters like mixing up of Thai first and last name - don't worry, I fixed them but if I missed, holla at me. And your comments and kudos are always appreciated! Thank you so much for them and I'll reply your comments as soon as I'm able ;) x


	6. The Moon Is Beautiful Tonight, Isn't He?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have at it.

_'Cause you are, you are the reason why my head is still above water_

_And if I could I'd get you the moon and give it to you_

_Kina (feat Snow)_

**CHAPTER 5**

“ _Nong_ Gulf! _Nong_ Gulf! Wait up!”

Caught off-guard, Gulf turned to the voices calling out his name. He unhooked an earbud – still playing a slow ballad - leaving it dangling against his chest. He saw two girls in uniform running towards him, looking flushed with exertion. Once they stopped in front of him, one of them had to hold a hand up as they tried to catch their breath, bodies bent. Gulf’s eyebrows rose. How long had they been trailing him?

He knew he was walking fast just now. He was trying to get to his next class early because he missed an entire page of assignment to be handed in later. If it weren’t for Mack asking in their LINE group chat about one of the assignment questions just now, he would’ve lost about thirty percent worth of marks due to carelessness. So, he was going to use the time to do it. Now, there were these girls coming up to him and he didn’t know why. He had never seen them before so they were probably his seniors. Gulf was bad with faces and remembering people and their names, especially ones he had no constant contact with.

“Hello,” he shyly bowed to them, trying not to panic as they cooed telling him how cute and lovely he was. One of them began speaking with such a gentle voice.

“ _Sawadee kha Nong_ , I’m Air and this is Nara, we’re second year Humanities students. We’re hosting an event soon. It’s our department’s annual Talent Show next Sunday, and today is Tuesday so we have a whole week and more to set things up.”

Air looked at him with sparkly eyes, carrying a stack of folders and books that they looked way too heavy to be carried for a long time. Nara, on the other hand, was carrying two bags, slung across her body. Her hair was so blonde they looked almost white – totally bleached - that Gulf couldn’t even see her natural black roots. They had a similar make-up style that Gulf saw on most students (aside from Klara who didn’t know what to put on her face if ever she was presented with a whole bunch of cosmetics). Their lips were tinted red and Gulf blankly wondered how those things they put on never went on their teeth.

Gulf nodded along despite feeling confused. What did he have to do with anything? Nara continued after Air.

“So what we’d like is for you to come rehearse with us. It won’t take long, just maybe two hours after five so you’ll know the floor arrangement and timing and everything. I have the schedule right here _kha_.” 

Gulf felt the ringing in his ears. It was likely he stopped registering what was said after ‘rehearse’. His confusion grew that he had to stop Nara from talking.

“Excuse me, P’Nara, P’Air, I’m really sorry but what are you talking about? What…rehearsal?”

Air and Nara gave him an identical gobsmacked look. Air gave a tiny gasp while Nara shook her head and blinking her eyes rapidly, her glasses almost sliding off her nose bridge. They stared at Gulf as if he just delivered unfortunate news or that he had told them then he was an alien trying to take over Earth. Gulf’s eyes darted between the two women.

“Okay, okay,” Air inhaled deeply, her bony fingers combing through her red-tipped black hair, “ _nong_ , first of all – have you heard of the Talent Show that will be happening next Sunday?”

“Yes, you told me that,” Gulf stated.

“But you haven’t seen it being announced on our social media or anybody telling you about it or our posters around the campus’ boards?” Nara asked, voice tinged with despair.

“No, _phi_ , I’m so sorry _na khrab_ ,” Gulf grimaced, “I’m not really up to date with any of the things we have. Sometimes I miss some things.”

“Oh dear,” Air said, “it’s okay. But you know that you’re voted as one of the faculty’s Moons right?”

“Wait, what?!”

-M-

Mack came running down the stairs as fast as he could with one focus in mind. As soon as his eyes spotted his target, his vision narrowed. He rushed into the vacant seat next to said target that it shook the connected chairs, alerting the person of his presence. And to the one just on his other side. Klara almost let out a curse at Mack’s sudden arrival. She gave him a nasty look as she took a correction pen out of her pencil case. The tornado of a human being made her scribble a line across her paper. Mack ignored her.

“Guess what I heard today?” His nostrils flared, trying to rush his words while regulating his breathing. He didn’t run all the way into the class because he was late, not just because of that anyway.

Klara shushed him, as his voice was a tad bit louder than intended. Even their lecturer peered at Mack over his glasses disapprovingly. He was already late and now he was being disruptive. Mack gave the middle-aged professor an apologetic Wai. 

“What’s got your panties in a twist?” Klara complained.

Feeling that he was ignored by his target, Mack slapped Gulf’s shoulder repeatedly to make him turn to the newcomer who was vibrating in his chair. The former repeated his question.

Gulf sighed.

“What.”

Apparently his monotonous reply was not taken as Gulf intended – that he did not want to talk. He went back to his assignment.

Dragging Klara closer blindly, Mack mock-whispered, “So I heard somebody became one of the Moons of our faculty. And he’s going to participate in the Talent Show.”

Gulf stopped writing in his notebook and groaned, putting his head down in exasperation. Klara frowned, not understanding anything. Her hazel eyes looked at Gulf then Mack then Gulf before finally settling on Mack.

“What exactly are you talking about?” Klara questioned. “What moon? What talent show?”

“This is why it’s so irritating to be friends with you two,” Mack huffed, “you guys know nothing about what’s going on in this campus other than your classes!”

Klara shrugged. That was true. Her arm went over Mack’s shoulder and patted Gulf’s head gently.

“What about it then?” Klara huffed back, making silly faces at Mack in which the man childishly returned.

Klara blew a raspberry and pushed Mack’s head away from hers, “it’s not like it concerns us.”

“Well, this one does!”

Klara hummed, nodding her head for Mack to continue. She was still slouching as Mack’s arm was still around her. She stopped patting Gulf when he held Klara’s wrist and silently shove it away, and Klara refocused on her work.

Gulf turned his head sideways to look at his two close friends. He’d rather Mack say everything instead of him telling anybody himself.

“So as I was saying, Gulf here is elected as one of our faculty’s Moons. Moons are people considered to be popular in our campus. Don’t you know how famous our friend is? He’s voted the most athletic in our year.”

Gulf found out about that too from the two ladies, Air and Nara. He didn’t realise that joining a lot of sporting events would land him in this predicament – that he’d attract attention.

“He is?” Klara glanced at him, “but how would they know that?”

“We have the faculty bulletin, you know?” Then Mack sighed, realising what he had said, “Of course you don’t. Both of you don’t have any social media presence. You’re not active online. But there’s also a forum for us to post things happening within this faculty. Everything going around from small things to event announcements are all in there. It’s a democratic way, we can even vote for things so all are happy. Recently, the Talent Show is announced and with it, the polls.”

“What polls?” Klara asked.

“The event’s performances and everything! One of the polls is voting for the Moons. There’s also another one for the faculty’s Suns. Three people for each. Hui, you were in the poll too, Klara!”

Klara grunted, “I’m sure I didn’t get any votes anyway. Such a waste of time to vote for me.”

Mack told her that she was wrong; Klara was in fourth place. She almost managed to become a Sun with just two more votes. Klara remained unfazed as Gulf silently stewed in despair. 

“Wait, so Gulf got voted then, right? But how’d he got on the poll in the first place? Doesn’t he need to, like, give his consent? He’s the one getting voted for an event right? Kana, did you agree to it?”

Gulf shook his head, letting out a sigh so long and deep known to mankind that Mack made a face.

“Gulf here actually has a small fan-base. Somebody saw him at one of his football matches. Why’d you think there’re so many people cheering from the stands, Ai’Ra?”

That made Klara muttered ‘oh my god’, “Now that just made a whole lot of sense.”

It was true. They just didn’t realise it sooner. They thought that sports at the university were just that entertaining with so many people cheering from the stands. Even Klara’s swimming competitions were always such a rowdy affair. School spirit and everything, no?

Mack then decided to show them (just Klara actually, with Gulf still commiserating) the forum. With how many sounds Klara made, she must be seeing a lot of interesting things.

“Hui _ja_ , you’re so famous,” Klara teased. “All these pictures of you. You’re quite photogenic too. So many high definition photos I can see your pimples and cracked lips. But you’re still pretty, Kana, don’t worry.”

“So now one of my sources said that Gulf agrees to do the Talent Show _na_. Apparently, he can’t say no to the event committee. We’ll be seeing him do something _na_ ,” Mack said in a singsong. 

“Really? Oh, this I must see. Do I need to buy tickets?” Klara cheered.

Gulf groaned.

-M-

**_Sunday, a week later_ **

“Ra, why did I agree to this?” Gulf moaned.

He couldn’t stop shaking his legs, his hands were sweaty and he really didn’t like what they put on his face. It felt too sticky and every time he breathed in and licked his lips, he wanted to spat out the weird taste accidently caught on his tongue. The hairspray they put on his hair felt too much too, the chemical smell making him dizzy.

Klara clicked her tongue, grasping Gulf’s clammy hands tighter.

“Babe, you can do this, okay? All you have to do is strut down the walkway and pose, then turn and walk back. You only have to do that, okay? Then you just have to change clothes, repeat some more then you’re done. Simple as that, you’ve rehearsed this. Come on, breathe with me _ja_.”

Klara started exaggerating her breathing, making Gulf follow her lead. They were backstage and the HSS Faculty Talent Show was starting soon. Luckily, Gulf only had to be one of the models for the Fashion Department. Then at the end of the show, there was a small dance performance by all of them and he would be at the back – he only needed to follow the choreography then he would be done. There were so many things going to be showcased – singing and dancing performances, mini drama and comedy skits, some martial arts and even the fashion show. It was going to be entertaining but Gulf wasn’t entertained at all.

He was a nervous wreck.

Because he and the other Moons and Suns were going to be receiving some awards for their various participations all over campus at the tail end of the event. Some of them got their title for their academic excellence, some like Gulf for athletics, others for singing or poetry competitions – basically things that made them stood out among the rest. The award would conclude the show.

Gulf continued to breathe in time with Klara. Lang was with them before as he came with Klara to support Gulf, but he went to get some water for the jittery 19-year-old. Mack decided early on to join the preparation committee as soon as he heard Gulf had to perform. So he was running around backstage, Gulf getting glimpses of his busy friend getting last minute things in order.

Over the week, Gulf made friends with the other people involved in the showcase, not just P’Air and P’Nara. Karan Sakulsong and Yoong Sritangratanakul were the other two Moons. Karan was taller than Gulf while Yoong was shorter. Gulf had seen Karan before as he also shared some classes with Gulf but the first rehearsal was the first time Gulf met Yoong. They were both good-looking that Gulf felt self-conscious just by standing close to them. When he told his friends this, Mack hit him in the head in frustration.

“You really are blind, Kanawut. With your looks and model-like proportions, how dare you say this? Hui, if only I have your genes. Have you seen _me_? If you weren’t so cute, I’d kill you right now.”

On the other hand, one of the Suns was a famous actress and model named Chutimon Chuengcharoensukying. Everybody knew her. She was very friendly and insisted that everyone called her Aokbab. She was so charismatic that it was no wonder she became their faculty’s Sun. Her mere presence commanded attention. The other Sun was also quite famous around Chula. Almost everybody knew who the Korean-Thai Irene Srisuk-Jung was. She was considered one of the beauties in the campus, as a lot of guys were a goner for her looks that resembled ITZY’s Yeji. She was a member of the debate team and the orchestra club. She was definitely one of the most musically talented people Gulf had ever met – not that he knew a lot. She joined a number of cello competitions and could be seen lugging her massive cello case around university. The third Sun was a national fencer, Airada Tameeruks. She was also related to the actress Taew Natapohn Tameeruks. At first, she was shy but once she partnered up with Aokbab, they realised how talkative she really was. She was a natural comedienne. All of the Suns and Moons were taking part in the fashion show. 

“We’re almost starting! T-minus twenty minutes before Talent Show everybody!” 

Gulf felt slightly calmer. Klara’s breathing exercise helped.

In less than twenty minutes, he would do his very best and go through the event. If he made mistakes, he’d go through them shamelessly. The show must go on, isn't that right?

-M-

“You got the camera rolling, right?” Klara pressed.

“Yes, yes, I have,” Lang nodded, pointing at the recorder on a stand just beside him. It captured the entirety of the stage. It was on stand-by, not yet recording.

All around them, people were filling in the auditorium, trying to get to the good seats. It looked like students from different faculties were also attending their event. A lot of them were holding banners with various names of the performers. Klara could see some familiar faces from her swimming club and other faculties, and she saw Gulf’s names on some of the banners.

Boy sure was quite famous – only thing was boy had no clue.

The Talent Show progressed smoothly and Klara enjoyed every bit of it despite not being a big fan of staying at one place for too long with other people in sight. As soon as Gulf walked out the stage, looking rather fierce donning the Fashion Department designs, Klara gasped.

Gulf looked amazing. His poker face was a balance of smugness and aloofness, his strides confident. His face glittered in the spotlight because of the makeup the wardrobe committee put on and the coloured lip balm was making his lips more kissable than normal – juicy and red. 

“He’s a natural, isn’t he?” Lang smirked. There were instances where Gulf helped out during high school. Some photoshoots and minor roles in school productions.

“He is,” Klara said, in awe. “He’s as good as a professional model. Look how smooth he’s being.”

That was part of Gulf’s charm. Once he got over himself and focused, Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong flourished in everything he did, even in the limelight. The boys sitting next to Klara were whispering about Gulf; one of them squealing how hot Gulf was that Klara felt a smidge of pride for her best friend. Gulf attracted more boys than girls since she first knew him. It was probably because of his lovely feline-ish features. It was also likely he would get himself a boyfriend before Klara. And when that happened, Klara would give whomever it was hell, just to see if they were good enough for Gulf. Gulf was too precious to her.

One by one, the models rounded the stage and each set of clothing more extravagant than the next. It was magnificent to watch. Lang sang along to the band performances and whooped the loudest during the Sun and Moon award of appreciation that even Klara laughed out loud. Overall, it was a great event.

-M-

Gulf was high on adrenaline and satisfaction. The rush of excitement made him loose-lipped.

His smile was so wide his gums were showing. People around him were busy chattering. Equally high after a successful event.

“Well done, well done, everybody!” P’Nara called out and the room erupted in applause, hoots and catcalls.

“You guys did so well and thank you for all your efforts, thank you all to the committee members, to our lovely performers and to our hardworking Suns and Moons, you guys have done a good job from day one of rehearsal to the final curtain! Well done _kha_!”

They screamed again. Irene who was closest to Gulf gave him a high-five. She partnered up with Gulf for most of their performances, not too far from each other. Both of them were similarly inflexible but they sure knew how to do everything confidently.

The event people were still bustling around as Gulf busied himself with cleaning the gunk off his face on one of the vanity desks – the bulbs around the mirror frame providing more than enough light, blanketing him in warm off-white hue. Karan was sitting next to him, whistling as the wipe he used on his face came off brown.

“Just how much did they put on my face?” Karan grimaced.

Irene came over to help scrub Karan’s face, giggling at the dissatisfied grunts Karan let out. Gulf mimicked the way Irene used the makeup remover wipes, snorting as smudges of brown, black and red decorated his tissue.

“ _Nong_ Gulf,” the sweet voice of Air greeted him. The head of the event made her way to where Gulf, his fellow Moons and Suns were clustered together. Even Mack was there, sitting next to Gulf in exhaustion.

“ _Khrab_ ,” he called back cheerfully.

“How are you feeling, _nong_?”

“I feel really great, this is fun,” Gulf chuckled.

They talked about random things, and Air asked questions to each of them. They conversed comfortably and good-naturedly. Yoong who was shy even managed to guffaw; his roar of laughter making Gulf happy.

“ _Nong_ Karan, I don’t believe you! You can’t be single _na_ ,” Air gasped. She then gestured to the people in the room.

“There are so many lovely girls here and boys too for you to ask out,” she said cheekily. Karan tried to refuse, playfully shoving the teasing seniors who tried to kiss him.

“What about you, Gulf? Handsome and cute like this, you have a girlfriend _chì may_? Or a boyfriend.”

Gulf pursed his lips with a slight smile, faking innocence as he crossed his arms.

“I’m loyal to my one and only, khrab,” Gulf joked.

The rest of them whistled and called out his cheesy declaration.

“I knew it! There goes my chance,” Nara sobbed. Her laughter that followed after that told Gulf that she was only joking too.

“Oho, _nong_ , you sly fox,” Air grinned. “Does the person go here as well?”

“Maybe,” Gulf continued, still in a teasing mood. He moved his arms and automatically played with his bracelet. Mack elbowed him.

“I bet this is his couple item, P’Air,” Mack prodded at the bracelet that never left Gulf’s wrist except during football, basketball and everything that involved physical exertion. 

“He’s very possessive of it, you won’t see him without it,” Mack teased as Gulf slapped his hand away with a laugh.

They hollered again. Even Airada took his arm and held it out to everyone.

“Aha! Whoever wears the same bracelet as him, that’s definitely Gulf’s lover, we just have to find them,” Airada said, wiggling a finger at the room. Aokbab put two thumbs up in agreement. 

“Oho, enough,” Gulf said, laughter still in his voice as he gently retracted his arm in Airada’s loose grip. He shook his head in amusement.

But he didn’t deny it.

The night was going so well.

Maybe he should’ve had.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the weekend. I should be working on my paper instead of this but YOLO.


	7. Our Loneliness is Lovely

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Proceed with caution. There are some things explored in this that may not sit well with some:
> 
> Anxiety and depression symptoms  
> Past friendship/relationship

_Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here_ _even if it takes all night or a hundred years. Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near. Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear._

_Isn’t it lovely, all alone?_

_Billie Eilish & Khalid_

**CHAPTER 6**

_‘Here we go,’ he thought blankly._

He gasped, trying to inhale as much as he could. There was this growing void that he felt in both his mind and chest. It was creeping and creeping and _creeping, threatening to imprison him._

He inhaled – breath stuttering. This ache felt too real.

With each swallowed gasp, and how the urge to lash out was strong, he wanted to scream, cry and called out. The ever-growing void – his dread and restlessness – all rolled into one. Somewhere in his mind he knew these feelings were only the product of his anxiety but he couldn’t help it. The void was consuming his headspace and he wanted to claw his way out. He wanted to cry but he couldn’t. He wanted to be angry but he didn’t have the energy to. He felt on edge as if he wanted to run, but there was nowhere to run to. He couldn’t and wouldn’t move.

It had been days. He couldn’t sleep. Had he been sleeping? He couldn’t recall. But as his exhaustion set in, that he couldn’t fight it any longer, his body just gave in.

Gulf exhaled.

And closed his eyes. 

-M-

“P’Mew, it’s here,” Bosser said, his voice trailing in a rather sad tone.

“What is it?” Mew asked distractedly.

His eyes were busy looking at the words written on the document he pulled up on his laptop. It was a report he was doing with his group and he was diligently checking what was written so far. A fellow colleague of Mew, Tong Thanayut Thakoonauttaya was also there in the small but cosy office they both share. Tong was also a celebrity but he was more active in endorsement projects. They shared the same managers and Mew got along with the quiet younger man, finding it easy to be friends as they were only a year apart. Tong was an intellect, finishing up his degree and thinking of continuing his studies. He was sitting on the lone sofa, reading a magazine when Bosser came into the room. 

“Here,” Bosser said again, sliding a sheet of paper to the actor, until it touched Mew’s forearm. Mew glanced at it blindly before catching the texts in bold on top of the paper. His face changed, mouth slightly turned - downcast. His eyes reflected pain that Bosser had seen before, over and over again.

Mew might be a good actor, but he wasn’t that good at hiding his real emotions.

The manager felt pity for the older man. If he could help it, he wouldn’t want to have to be the one reopening wounds that were slowly healing. And Mew was healing. Silently, the Thai-Chinese pulled the paper closer, reading the content with a serious expression. He looked up at Bosser.

“They want me to join this?” he whispered.

Bosser nodded.

“Even after… even after everything?”

Tong looked up at Mew’s tone. A quick expression of understanding washed over. He could guess what was on the paper. He stood up, making his way to the older actor and stood over him, reading the paper’s content. Bosser pulled a chair and sat in front of Mew. He took the paper from the other’s hand and sighed.

“You know you did nothing wrong, phi,” Bosser said softly. “And I’m so sorry for- I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you then. P’Best too. I’m sorry we weren’t able to protect you then so that’s why this time it’ll be different, we’ll do our best to not make the same mistakes.”

Mew shook his head, Tong’s hands rubbing his shoulders in comfort, “no, no, this is all my fault alright? It’s none of yours. It’s my fault for- for falling for someone so fast. I misread the situation so I got myself in this situation, okay? You and P’Best have been great and I’m sorry you guys have to work extra hard now for me.”

It was true. Be as it may, the past could not be undone. He was young, and euphoric on the taste of fame. He felt confident and everything had been going his way. He thought that he had found the one and that was why he dared play it up. Only to be outed and crushed utterly in public. It was a scandal. Fingers were pointed, parties were blamed, emotions ran high and all he could think of was that he had it coming. It wasn’t like Mew was trying to hide his sexuality and it wasn’t the biggest issue he had. What hurt him most was having his affection tossed aside in such a cruel way. Mew understood the other’s point of view, he did – _he_ wasyoung, god, he really was. It was all in the open and the actor couldn’t take everything back. He could only wish for it.

Bosser looked at him, undecipherable emotions playing behind his eyes. But Mew understood what his manager was trying to convey. So he took the paper back from Bosser and smiled.

“So, it’s okay. Everything _will_ be okay, Boss. I can do this. I’ll just show them I can be professional, and it’s all in the past.”

Bosser only nodded, if Mew were going to do it, what else could he do but give his support?

“I can be there too, if you needed a friend, phi,” Tong’s soft voice said in encouragement. That made Mew smiled. He’d appreciate that. His eyes glided over the bold script on the paper.

This time he wouldn’t make the same mistake. This time he’d build his walls and never let anyone dare try to crawl over it or break it down. Nothing would cloud his judgment.

**_‘What The Duck All Aboard: First Fanmeeting’_ **

-M-

There was a soft knock on his door and exhaustedly, Gulf called out ‘come in’.

When it was opened, he was surprised to see Klara on his doorway. She smiled softly at Gulf’s startled face, her dimples showing. Klara really was beautiful. Gulf’s mother must’ve welcomed her. And here she was. It wasn’t her first visit nor was it the first time she was invited into Gulf’s bedroom. Klara was restless by nature and she visited often, and insisted Gulf came over to her house often too.

“You haven’t been coming to classes, Kana,” she said in lieu of a greeting.

She was in full uniform, her long black skirt swishing as she made her way towards Gulf’s bed. Her standard-issued white dress shirt hung loose on her bony frame, quite different from how most students who wore them fit; two buttons undone. Klara never liked constricting clothes. She must’ve been at the university. Gulf glanced at his clock, seeing that it was blinking 18:06. That was when he realised that it was getting dark.

Gulf hummed in response.

He was feeling a bit sluggish, but better than the previous days. Klara sat near his duvet-covered torso, looking at his face intently. Whatever she was looking for there, he never knew. But it seemed like she was satisfied with whatever she found. She climbed into bed with him, adjusting her head on his pillow and getting comfortable. Gulf moved along to accommodate her. Klara lied facing him on top of the cover.

“Bad day?” she asked, after a while of silence. Gulf turned his head to her. He was reluctant to talk still.

So he nodded.

“It’s okay.”

And that was all Klara said. She understood. And that was all that mattered. That was all he wanted to hear at this time.

This wasn’t the first time Gulf had had his episode. Sometimes, it came out of nowhere and he’d rather not move. He couldn’t step outside. And his faculty lecturers were made aware of this early on. They understood his predicament. As long as Gulf did his best to catch up, and it wasn’t affecting his academic performance that badly, they had no issue with giving Gulf some leeway.

And Klara was no stranger to mental health issues. Apparently, her third older brother was also afflicted with similar problems as Gulf. Klara never talked about it much but from how she could easily and calmly helped Gulf, when he had an anxiety attack once, told him it wasn’t the first time she’d seen one. When Gulf asked, all Klara said was,

“Ansel used to have really bad attacks when he was a teen. I learned.”

Gulf didn’t know how he managed to find a confidante in Klara. It was as if the heavens decided to help him out until he was comfortable enough. Motivated enough that there were more and more good days for him. Gulf felt Klara’s fingers combing through his hair. Her myriad of tinkling bracelets cool against his forehead.

“I miss you. You look better,” Klara said again, pushing her body up on her elbows. She was still watching Gulf’s face intently. But it did not make Gulf uncomfortable. There was no judgement in those forest-coloured eyes.

“I feel better,” Gulf finally said, breaking his self-imposed silence.

“Then wanna come downstairs? Mae said she’s making your favourite dish. And I don’t know how long I can leave Mack down there with your sister. She’s like the girl version of you and the look in his eyes when he saw your sister…”

Klara shuddered, jostling Gulf that he chuckled. He nodded and Klara helped him up.

She was right. As soon as Gulf saw Mack, talking animatedly to his older sister whose back was to the stairs, he could smell trouble. Mack was looking at Gift with interest that was way too much. Gulf did not know what to think as he narrowed his eyes at the scene.

“Oh, Gulf,” Gift said, turning around as soon as she heard their footsteps. Gulf landed just beside her and Klara followed suit on his other side. Mack was still comfortable in the one-seater he was in. Gift excused herself saying she’s going to help their mother out in the kitchen. Mack was following the older woman with his eyes that Gulf had to cough to get his attention. 

“Hey, phuen,” Mack greeted, “how you feelin’?”

“Better,” Gulf grunted, “you?”

Mack’s smile widened, suddenly turning leery, “oho, I’m good but that’s not important. I’m here to fill you in on things you’ve missed in class.”

Gulf and Klara raised an eyebrow.

“Fine, fine, Klara’s gonna catch you up. I’m here because I miss you, happy? Haven’t seen you in awhile and Klara’s my only company in class,” Mack grumbled.

“That’s more like it,” Gulf replied, “and I miss you guys too.”

“Well, you’re coming back tomorrow so that’s settled,” Klara added, looking at him for confirmation. And Gulf gave it.

Just then, Mrs. Traipipattanapong called for Gulf and he signalled for his friends to join him for dinner. Klara quickly hopped away and was already by Gift’s side, lending a hand on putting the dishes on the table. Mack came closer to Gulf, a serious expression on his face. He placed a hand on the crook of Gulf’s arm, stopping him. 

“There’s something I wanna tell and ask you, Kana. I think it’s important.”

Gulf frowned.

-M-

Mew came to the first rehearsal, earlier than he expected. But massive studio he was in was already lively with people. He wasn’t staying for long as he had to go for his class right after. He acted normally; he acted civil. They were all adults. He greeted the staff members, the other actors and everyone he could see with a charming smile. He would not show even the sliver of weakness – any indication that he was still affected by his short-lived scandal. Let it be the first and only one in his career as an actor. It would not be good to have his reputation tarnished when he was trying to build one in academia.

The familiar faces warmed his heart. His on-screen sister, the actress Aim Satida Pinsinchai, was the first one to greet him and they engaged in a lengthy catch-up session. Aim then dragged him across the room when she saw Tod Pranapong Khaisang, her partner in their series came. Thus begin another round of filling each other in what was going on in their lives. Having someone his age was always nice, Mew thought. They talked about random things to pass the time before another actor Mew got close to approached them.

Mild Suttinut Uengtrakul was a funny guy. It was amazing to watch how he could light up a room and rally a crowd just with a few words. Mild wasn’t part of the main cast but he was an accomplished actor in his own right. Humble too and personable. He was polite when he needed to, and rowdy and quick-witted when the situation demanded for it. Mew was quite good at reading people and situations, but perhaps Mild was better than him at that.

And it was a pleasure seeing him.

“P’Mew!” Mild called out excitedly. His nasal voice chirpy, smile splitting his face.

“Hey, Mild. How are you?”

“Sawadee P’Aim, P’Tod,” Mild remembered his manners and greeted the rest before plopping himself right next to Mew, invading his space there on the floorboard.

The time they didn’t meet each other felt like it never existed with the younger actor. No awkwardness. It felt good.

When they were all called to attention and roll-called, a few cast members were missing due to clash in schedule. But it was fine because it was just the first day. And they were only going to be briefed on the fanmeeting’s itinerary, still sorting the performances out and stage directions. Mild was even telling him that he might missed some rehearsal days due to his filming.

“I might too, I’ve got to go to class after this,” Mew said as he glanced at his wristwatch, conscious of the time. They started later than the agreed time because some were running late because of the traffic. But they made do with the time, going around the room and reconnecting with each other. Mew watched lazily as the production committee went over things the actors weren’t privy of yet. They had about a week to sort things out but honestly, it was a bit too rushed for Mew’s taste. He wondered if they’d do well. 

When Aim, Tod and Mild found out that he was doing his Masters, the news was received with such enthusiasm that Mew found it funny. Mild looked at him like he hung the stars, Tod was like ‘how do you even manage?’ and Aim said to let her come to his convocation when the time came. A few of the stylists Mew had the chance to get close to during the series filming came over to greet him, telling him how nice he looked with his unique hair colour. Mew laughed it off. He was thinking of dying it back to black for a while now. 

“Hey, Nong Art isn’t here,” Mild whispered to Mew.

Mew hummed. And looked around. Yes, the young actor was not present. A small part of Mew was relieved at not seeing his ex-partner. But another part of him wasn’t happy that he could not get their reunion done and over with. It made him overthink now that he was in this situation.

They were just sitting around now as the first few acts were being practiced. Both Aim and Tod were part of one so Mew and Mild rested against a wall. 

“So he’s not,” Mew shrugged. He smiled at the younger man.

“I’ve been meaning to ask, phi. How are you?” Mild traced a random pattern on his thigh. Despite the generic question, Mew understood him completely.

“I’ve been worse and I’ve been better. But I’m fine right now, thank you for asking,” Mew said, giving Mild a one-armed hug before looking at his watch again. It was almost time. Mild patted him and expressed his relief, telling Mew the older actor could talk to him any time. Right after the nth time Mew glanced at his watch, his phone vibrated. It was a text from Bosser telling him he had arrived to take Mew to Chula.

“I gotta go now na,” Mew patted Mild. He went around biding goodbye to everyone, telling them he’d see them at their next gathering.

Mew exhaled. His walls were intact. He felt fine. And he would continue to take it in one step at a time. He could do this. Everything would be okay.

-M-

Gulf felt like his moves were monitored. He felt eyes on him and he didn’t even think that it was real. When he looked up, he didn’t see anything out of the ordinary. But the prickling feeling of being watched was still there. Was he being paranoid? Was his anxiety acting up?

It couldn’t be. Before going to uni, Gulf felt immensely fine. He even arrived early for class. Both Klara and Mack weren’t there yet and Gulf decided to go through the notes Klara lent him the day before once again. Hopefully, he wouldn’t be out of it to follow today’s lesson. He was out of school for three days. And he missed a lot of core modules.

Speaking of, where was Mack anyway? He needed to talk to the other guy. After dinner at Gulf’s house, Mack didn’t get to tell him whatever it was he was going to. And Gulf forgot to ask him about it too the day before.

He did text his friend but Mack hadn’t read it. It probably wasn’t that important. Better to banish it off his head for now.

Mack was late again and he almost squashed Gulf into the desk in his hurry. Seeing how frazzled Mack was, Gulf decided he would rather just ask him later.

-M-

The feeling was back. Gulf really felt like he was being watched intently and people around him kept whispering. But it was probably in his mind. People looked at other people and whispered all the time. It was normal.

Gulf hastened his steps. A frown marring his face. Mack was sharing his next class but Klara had a breadth module outside their faculty. So she had hurried away as soon as their professor let out the class.

“Ai’Gulf, slow down for a bit,” Mack said.

“Is it just me or are there more people here than usual?” Gulf said, not breaking his stride as his eyes wandered around.

It was strange. Gulf was seeing more people lingering around today. Didn’t these people have class to go to? It wasn’t doing well for his self-consciousness.

“Ai’Gulf! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you!” Mack grabbed his arm and they both stopped.

“What are you talking about?”

Mack pushed the door closest to them, finding it an empty classroom and dragged the taller male inside.

“What is going on, mueng?” Gulf pressed. Mack was acting shiftier than usual. And Gulf didn’t like it.

Instead of talking to him, Mack took out his phone and began typing furiously. He held a hand up before Gulf could say anything.

“This is what I wanna tell you yesterday. Remember the talent show?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“You remember the talk we had backstage with the team after the event?”

Gulf nodded. Of course he did.

“Do you remember what you said that night?” Mack fired.

“What do you mean? Which one?”

“The one where P’Air talks about boyfriends and you said you have one. And well now, everyone knows who yours is!”

“What?” Gulf felt more confused, “what are you talking about?”

“The video is up on our Facebook page. Our faculty’s, I mean.”

Gulf nodded. Yes, he saw that they were being recorded. It was part of the participation deal. They’d be recorded at random times in addition to the whole of the talent show. The purpose of those candid pictures and videos was to highlight them as the current Moons and Suns of their faculty. A promotion of sort. It was tradition; the previous titleholders went through the same thing. So yes, he knew their photos and videos were taken and posted on social media. He just never bothered looking them up since he wasn’t active on Facebook. Was he even on that thing?

“Yeah, that’s the thing, I think most of university know now,” Mack said and Gulf was really running out of patience. They needed to get to class. Why didn’t they just talk about this while walking? It would’ve saved time.

“Get to the point, Mack,” Gulf huffed. Why was he being so cryptic?

Mack showed him a photo on his phone. At first, he could make sense of it. It was a series of pictures of him mid-laugh, head slightly thrown back. It was a frame by frame. The pictures were showing his profile. It showed him focusing on someone out of the picture, the next showed his eyes crinkling as he started to laugh, his retainers on show, and the last showed him covering his mouth, still laughing. What caught his attention was the red circle on his wrist, perfectly around his bracelet. When Mack scrolled down the screen, it showed another series of another person, with a similar red circle on their exposed wrist.

As if that wasn’t enough, the captions he could see made him speechless. His stomach dropped. 

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re dating Mew Suppasit, the actor?” Mack looked hurt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited. Will come back to it to go through this particular thought vomit of mine.


	8. A Picture of You Caught My Attention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup, fam? So what's new on our resident couple? I haven't been on twitter since I saw that picture of Gulf holding a frog. He was dead to me for a day. I seriously can't deal that I texted my friend a long, longwinded string of profanity. My innocent phone almost died against the wall. Anyways,
> 
> Here's the next chapter. Unedited we die like men (i don't even know what I'm trying to say here)
> 
> Stay safe inside the house, people and enjoy your day!

_Pictures of us on the screen_

_They don’t tell the story right_

_The Vamps_

**CHAPTER 7**

“No, no, no,” Gulf mumbled in disbelief.

He snatched Mack’s phone from the other’s hands and began reading the thousands of comments he could see. There were more pictures posted of him and Mew. Where did people even get his photos from? These were him in school uniform and many more in instances he didn’t realise he was photographed. But they all looked like it was when he was around campus. There were so many pictures! More of his bracelet, some were zoomed in to the point of blurry black smudge in an attempt to give details of the bands of his and Mew’s. Some of his pictures had his face blurred but what was the point? The clearest picture was of him during the talent show. Full display. No point. His hands trembled as he read the words that felt like they were being screamed at him.

‘MEW SUPPASIT’S SECRET BOYFRIEND?’ ‘CU’S FACULTY OF HUMANITIES’ MOON DATING SUPERSTAR MEW SUPPASIT?’ ‘COUPLE BRACELETS: ACTOR MEW IS TAKEN?’

For a faculty forum, the headlines looked just like an official journalistic report.

“Wha- what is all this?” Gulf almost went hysterical.

The captions were too much. There were a lot of them and Gulf couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The speculations people made. He saw a number of things he wished he could unread and erase from his mind right about now. He pushed the phone back to its owner. Gulf wanted to vomit.

“You said you have a boyfriend!” Mack yelled.

“It was a fucking joke!” Gulf exploded. He wasn’t a vulgar person but the cuss just came out. This wasn’t good. He felt bad as soon as he said it. He just didn’t like it when Mack was too loud.

“Don’t scream at me,” he said instead. 

Mack’s face changed. Gulf watched as a series of emotions flitted across his friend’s face, his own dread and panic building up. Gulf clutched at his friend’s arms, shaking Mack harshly.

“What the heck am I going to do, Mack?” The almost 20-year-old’s voice cracked.

Mack shushed him, trying to make Gulf breathe in time with him. To stave off a possible panic attack. Falling deeper in his emotions would not do Gulf good.

“Okay, okay, so this might be a problem,” Mack said only to be glared at by Gulf, “but it’s not that bad. It’s all just a misunderstanding right?”

Gulf was waiting for a brilliant idea or a solution coming out of Mack because he honestly could not think of one. He never found himself in this situation before. How was he to proceed with it?

“I think… you just have to ignore everything until it dies down. I mean it’s just a joke, na? Sooner or later, people will forget about this and leave you alone when they find more interesting things to focus on, right?”

Mack nodded as if to convince Gulf but it was more like he was trying to convince himself. Well, it was a start. And that’s what Gulf would do.

“You’re right. This will pass,” Gulf said in determination.

It was no big deal. It’s just campus gossip. One involving someone who was rising to fame so fast; Gulf felt like he was going to stop breathing soon. His grip on Mack’s shoulders tightened that Mack yowled in pain.

“Gulf, Gulf! Come on, breath, that’s it. Okay let’s go, we’ll think about this later, okay mueng? Come on.”

Mack was right. For now, he’d forget about this. It’d pass and he’d look back at it in the future and would laugh about this situation.

He sorely hoped so.

-M-

The professor droned and droned, voice monotonous that Mew was giving his two hundred per cent brain capacity on trying to stay awake alone. He diligently wrote in his notebook, scanning his printed hand-out rereading parts his lecturer was going through. He needed to write something or he would definitely fell asleep with how idle he was being. There weren’t a lot of students since it was a graduate class. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the module he shared with anyone he was close with. This was one he, and any other grads, needed to take in the first semester. The closest person to him was Jan, since they had more to talk about with compared to the others. And the other guy wasn’t there since he started a semester before and thus had taken the class.

It was kind of lonely. But it was fine, at least he could concentrate. And school was a safe haven for him. Nobody in his course treated him differently just because of his job. They treated him like another student and he liked that so much. The students he met, who told him that they were fans were satisfied with just an autograph from him. No expressive ones who’d trail him. It was exhilarating! That was probably a reason why he loved studying. No matter what people said, it was true that hitting the books was escapism for Mew. It was a respite for his life that was now mostly in the limelight. And he had to show only the good things, he had to be careful. Media could be a double-edged sword; he had tasted the sweet fame and ill repute. When he was younger, it didn’t weigh on him too much, this reputation. He got recognised here and there but that was it. But as soon as the series he did was done, its rather surprising reception skyrocketed him to a larger scale of people he needed to represent himself in a certain way. It was a bigger audience.

At first, Mew was of course surprised. He was still the same person who’d be a nervous wreck standing in front of a room full of students – trembling as he tried to overcome his fear of public speaking. So in the events he had been invited to, he tried his hardest to be polite. He could charm a group of people at once, but not one where they were farther away from him. He learned the art of pleasing fans then. He learned how to do fan service. It was massively different from talking business with his father’s partners. Mew observed and he applied. If he treated it like a subject instead, it made much more sense. There were several things he needed to be aware of and Mew would be damned if he wouldn’t ace the process of being an actor. Over time, he became more confident. Having a working persona that closely resembled his own self, just altered slightly for public consumption was then easy to achieve.

His increasing popularity meant more work for him. He never had money problem before but having his own job felt immensely satisfying.

Mew shook his head, rubbing his temple slightly and focused again on the lecture. School was one safe place. Here he was far, far away from the prying and most of the time, unforgiving eyes of media.

Here, it was safe.

-M-

Klara was angry.

She was walking at her usual fast pace but there was just something extra urgent and somewhat menacing as her long legs ate up the distance between her and the group of men sitting together having lunch. Her eyes were focused on them and Gulf was directly in her line of vision.

Klara was definitely fuming.

Gulf could see it from a mile away. Even Lang, who was sitting to his right, noticed it that he accidentally dropped the spoon he was using. Said friend immediately elbowed Gulf.

“Meung, you’re seeing what I’m seeing right?”

Gulf nodded.

“What did you do?” Lang whispered as Klara got closer and closer, evading people in her path expertly.

“What makes you think I did something?” he whispered back. His tone was cutting. Mack was still oblivious to his two friends’ increasing worry.

“Well, you’re the one she’s glaring at!” Lang said and it was true. Gulf had been trying to evade her stare since he realised she really was frowning at him.

Before Gulf could reply him, Klara was already looming beside the table. Mack was startled by her presence but his greeting was halted once he saw the look on her face. The Education Tech major looked at Gulf and Lang in confusion. Klara’s green eyes flickered to Lang before her frown deepened.

“Move,” she ordered coldly, “or you will be moved.”

If the situation weren’t so serious, Gulf would joke how Klara was quoting a Marvel movie. Gulf was pretty sure Klara wasn’t doing it on purpose with how stormy she looked. Without another word, Lang rushed to gather his things and went to sit next to Mack instead. He dragged his plate and Klara was already sitting down huffily.

For a moment, she didn’t say anything. And the three men were afraid to ask.

On most days, Klara König was a cheerful girl. But let it be known that Klara König’s temper was explosive. Anything could be a trigger. One wrong word could incite her fury right about now.

“So,” Klara drawled.

And her tone was already making them freeze. Mack put down the biscuit he was munching on for fear of choking. Lang laid his spoon oh so carefully on his plate and glanced at Klara.

“Kana.”

And they gulped. Shoot, it really was him.

“I was harassed today by these… girls - I don’t even know who they are – and you wanna guess why?”

The situation was already as tense and as confusing as it was and Gulf wanted it to stop. He sighed.

“Why?” he said, looking at Klara. And just know noticing how scared she actually looked. Her eyes were red-rimmed, as if she too angry that tears might come out. She was biting her lip and by the look of how chapped it was she had been abusing it for some time.

“Ra, what’s wrong?” Gulf immediately turned his body to his best friend.

“I’m fine, I’m just so mad right now,” Klara huffed, “I wanna punch someone in the face so bad.”

“What happened, Ra?” Mack asked. His voice was softer than usual as he told Klara to start from the beginning.

“I got to class and as soon as I sit down, there are these girls standing around me. They don’t look so friendly and they asked if I knew Kana. I don’t know why they’re talking to me all of the sudden. Of course I said yes and they start saying these things that I’m pretty sure are a bunch of rubbish.”

“What?” Gulf had to ask despite having a very strong feeling he knew what it was all about.

“They say you don’t deserve to date someone like Mew Suppasit… that- that you’re way beneath him,” Klara said disgruntled. Guilt was written all over her face in addition to her anger.

Klara was always making her points clear. And this was no different. She must have had heard the rumours then.

Gulf and Mack sighed simultaneously.

“I don’t know what’s going on but what is this about Gulf dating someone?” Lang asked.

There was a reason they were congregating at the Science Faculty cafeteria instead.

The one faculty much farther away from the HSS building. It took about fifteen to twenty minutes at a leisurely pace between the two buildings. Someone with a bike could cut the time in half. It was actually a good thing Gulf’s faculty was so secluded. They were far from the main roads so it was less noisy so Gulf liked it. But today, the place seemed oppressive with eyes that felt like they were following him everywhere. Made his skin crawl.

Lang’s faculty was closer to Chula’s main entrance and the building was bigger and newer. It was definitely noisier. And actually a good place for a discrete conversation for the quartet. The white noise of people chattering away cancelled off each other’s. Nobody could hear what other people were talking about unless they strained their hearing.

Mack scratched his head. Gulf just nodded when his friend was trying to say something with his eyes alone and not being subtle at all.

“There’s a rumour in our faculty that Kana here and Mew Suppasit are boyfriends. But it’s all one big dumb misunderstanding. Gulf just happens to joke about his relationship status, and people link him to that actor because they just happen to wear similar-looking bracelets.”

Gulf coughed, ears automatically heating up. He was really uncomfortable with this problem. He looked down on his lap, on his clasped hands. It was all because of his gift to Mew. They weren’t similar-looking bands; in fact they were the _exact_ same – the beads were arranged the exact same way when Gulf had them made. A perfect copy of each other – a pair of distance bracelets. The only difference was the name written on each. His, of course, read his name. Mew Suppasit’s prized bracelet had his own initials carved. It wasn’t made public, as far as Gulf knew. The only reason Gulf knew of it was because he made them. Goodness, why didn’t he just make one just for the actor? He just had to have a matching one that he loved too much.

“Ah, Gulf’s lucky bracelet?” Lang nodded in understanding, “come to think of it, didn’t you make another one? I remember you got two matching ones, but you only wear the one. I don’t know if you wear them alternately.”

Lang just had to ask that. Gulf forgot that Lang was with him when he bought those accessories. He was the one who suggested what style his name was carved in. 

Klara and Mack now looked at him suspiciously.

This was bad.

“Yea, I wear it alternatively, I bought two just in case I lose one,” Gulf decided.

It was better than saying he gave the other one to someone else. More questions would follow and it was a part of Gulf’s life that he’d rather have hidden. He rubbed at the black beads, the uneven texture of the golden rings and the engraved cylindrical charm. Gulf treasured his bracelet as much as his appreciation for the actor whose words gave him strength to look forward to living his life to the fullest.

It wasn’t anybody’s business. The rumour would die down soon anyway. Gulf just hoped that the actor remained oblivious to this. It wasn’t that big a deal to reach him anyway.

-M-

“P’Mew.”

Mew almost didn’t hear the soft call, with his attention on his phone. When he turned around and saw who it was, he almost wished he paid it no mind.

He straightened, hefting his bag higher and acted unbothered.

“Hey,” he called out in return. Be civil was the mantra he had been reciting in his head. He had imagined how their reunion would go. He just didn’t expect it would be in the hallway of the studio they were going to have their rehearsals at. He thought they would meet in a room of people so he’d be spared an awkward confrontation.

The younger actor looked just like how Mew remembered him. Still the same hairstyle, the same beautiful youthful face, the same dark eyes Mew used to wish were the ones he would fell asleep looking into.

“P’Mew,” he said again and walked closer to his ex co-star.

Art Pakpoom Juanchainat still made his heart beat erratically. And Mew ached.

The taller male said nothing, waiting for the other to say something. Whatever it was going to be, Mew had decided to give it no mind.

Art licked his lips, looking at Mew with a sad, sad expression. Mew wanted so bad to hug him but their relationship wasn’t what it used to be. He still remembered what the younger had said to his confession.

_Give me time, p’Mew. This is- this is unexpected._

And then came the public heart-breaking live that Mew should have seen coming. Art wasn’t the same after Mew told him of his feelings, like something was weighing heavily on his mind, behaving erratically and even missing their scheduled shared live. Everything was in the past now, there was no point in thinking about it.

“P’Mew, I want to say that I’m really sorry,” Art exhaled, “I had some time to think- I was too emotional I made a mistake and I wish I could’ve said sorry to you sooner. But everything was just _overwhelming_ I don’t know what to do. All I can say is… I really am sorry.”

They were expected to face the public together again and Mew would rather they bury the hatchet now. The only thing Mew would forever regret was the end of his friendship with Art. They could never get it back. Whatever it was going to be now, Mew would shed his feelings and keep everything locked up. Only show them what he’d want them to see – a stellar performance worth watching. Like they say, the show must go on.

Mew heard what Art was saying. He forgave him, so he told Art. He said everything was fine, gave a polite smile. And walked away, walls growing thicker Mew didn’t think he’d let anyone into his heart ever – broken as it was.

-M-

It had been more than a week; the rumours were still going strong. Gulf thought at this point he’d be better off camping in a classroom. To avoid the incessant whisperings that followed his steps – he couldn’t even get something from 7eleven without a couple of girls and guys pointing at him and started chittering. Gulf considered it seriously once as his rove over the basic toiletries on one aisle. 

In actuality, it wasn’t all bad. It wasn’t that different from how he became the subject of talk with how active he was, he was one of the faculty Moons now. He never before bothered with whatever they said. What made him slightly uneasy this time was that he knew _exactly_ what they were gossiping about.

And it never failed to make him flustered. To think such a thing could be possible was just – no.

He was tired of saying ‘no, it’s all a misunderstanding. I made a joke and somehow people now think I’m dating _him._ ’

He assumed that that would quell the murmurs but it was like dropping a cube of sugar into the ocean – it made no bloody difference. Why wouldn’t these people who have approached him asking about his relationship not spread the _truth_ instead?

“You might need to stop making jokes now, babe,” Klara said as she munched on a string of liquorice. They watched as another group went about their away after asking Gulf what it was like dating the hot and handsome Mew Suppasit. In which Gulf repeated his spiel of ‘it wasn’t real, his joke was taken into another direction and spun out of proportion’.

The three best friends also didn’t miss the way they were peeking (looking blatantly) at Gulf’s now infamous bracelet. The teen immediately put his arms under the table.

“Should I just change to online courses?” Gulf complained.

According to Mack, the baseless tittle-tattle was now spread to several faculties.

“Never doubt the power of juicy news and an army of blabbermouths,” the bastard had cackled before Klara smacked him upright. It wasn’t the right time to be making fun of their best friend.

“But why is this such a big deal? I mean is it just because we both go here? Why?” Gulf wondered.

“I think it’s interesting. I mean he got outed, not his choice by the way, by that crying dude so the idea that that gorgeous hunk who’s like unattainable is dating someone like you – _don’t look at me like that_ – I mean someone like more approachable, someone they can see everyday in real life is fascinating. You’re the envy of a lot of guys here, Gulf,” Klara said.

Gulf watched in disgust as she kept munching on the strong-smelling black confectionary. Her reason was that her throat was itching so much and the liquorice was the only thing she could find in a short notice.

“How do you even know that?” Gulf asked.

“Research, of course. He’s one good-looking man and I’ve been following him on Twitter and Instagram. And he’s an intellect, that’s always a big yes point in husband-material list. Maybe I should ask p’Jan for his number. He’s in the same class with him, I even saw Mew Suppasit once at my house.”

“Whoa, hey, what’s this about husband material?” Mack asked alarmed, “and you know him and you’ve never told us?”

“Hypothetically, you idiot. I mean in general. Not that I’m opposed to marrying him, I mean he got some good genes there, I won’t mind having his babies. And it skipped my mind, okay?” Klara smirked before coughing again. She frowned in discomfort.

“That thing you’re eating is not doing any good,” Gulf said.

Mack waved his hand, “Back to the topic, I’ve been keeping track of the forums and every social media we got on Gulf’s situation here. And I think the reason this is getting out of hand is because Khun Suppasit has like a really massive FC and it’s like sixty percent of girls and gay guys that go here are his, aight?”

“So, should I be worried? I mean more worried than I already am? Am I gonna get attacked soon?”

“Pssh, you drama queen. I think people are actually supporting you, man. Thank god you’re cute. I’ve even seen fan arts of you.”

Klara crooned, “I’d like to see those. What else are they saying bout our lovely Kana?”

“It’s actually interesting to read. Like there’s emotional stuff too. But most are people leaving comments supporting Khun Suppasit on whoever he’s dating and happy with. I mean that shitty thing with that other actor really show how people can love or support someone unconditionally, isn’t that great? This dude’s fans are amazing.”

Mack showed his phone to Klara and the girl was reading whatever it was with interest.

“Ai’Gulf, a lot of people are saying you and P’Mew look good together, a lot of well wishes too,” Klara murmured.

Gulf knew very well where he stood. He wasn’t good-looking, how could he be put on the same level as Mew Suppasit? That man had accomplished so much and here was Gulf with all his issues. For Gulf, Mew was someone he idolised so much he felt that even being in the same room as the actor was like a rare, rare honour. He’d rather admire him from a far. An image of a man that was perfect to Gulf.

“This is such a headache. Why would they do that?”

“That’s your anxiety and low self-esteem talking, man,” Mack said.

Even Klara sighed, “you just can’t see how pretty you are. We need to work on you loving yourself.”

-M-

Finally, the day Mew was looking forward to, dreading at the same time and couldn’t wait to get over with was here.

The Fanmeeting.

The good thing was everything was going smoothly. And he managed to hide his discomfort a whole lot better than he thought. He just hoped that nobody studied his body language towards his ex on-screen partner. They put on a show and maybe that was enough. An era had passed. They were an imaginary couple anyway – one portrayed on television according to a set script.

Mew loved an event where he could interact with his fans. He knew he probably lost some but those who came and greeted him always made him happy. He fed off of this kind of social interaction where they could appreciate each other. Where Mew felt like he had accomplished something.

He was seated next to Art and of course they had to engage in fan service but Mew tried to avoid the younger’s eyes as much as he could. Art seemed like he wanted to say more things to him but Mew was just done with it.

When a fan asked that they get closer for a photo, Mew leaned his body near the younger actor. When they received couple items, Mew gave his thanks. When Mew was given a question on his relationship with Art, he embellished a perfect and professional relationship.

“Sawadee kha, p’Mew. You look very handsome today.”

When he looked up to the next person in line, he was surprised to see two girls in Chula uniform, clear from the University’s emblem on their shirt’s buttons and the _Phra Kieo_ pin. Mew teased them asking whether they were skipping class just to see the cast of WTD. They laughed.

“No, P’Mew. We came as soon as our class finished.”

When they put two identical photos in his hands, one for each of the girls, Mew looked at them confused. Was this what they wanted him to sign?

“Ah,” he said. He scanned one of the photos. It’s a picture of him, a lovely portrait that resembled him and Mew admired its artistry. But who was this other person drawn next to him?

It was an almost black-and-white portrait of two people, made to look like they were passing each other and caught a glance of the other. As if portraying their longing for each other. The details were magnificent. Strokes in primary colours scattered around the two people. One thing that caught his eyes was the coloured in sketch of his bracelet. It stood out as if intended to. And the stranger was wearing one too. Was this a fan imagination of him and someone? It was definitely not Art. 

Mew squinted. The other one looked really familiar. Where had he seen him?

Noticing his pause, one of the girls said.

“Oh, P’Mew. This is one of our faculty Moons. Isn’t he cute? His name is Gulf.”

He’d heard that name before. And the memory came just as sudden. Wasn’t this that shy young man Jan introduced him to? He smiled.

“He is,” he agreed, “very shy too.”

The girls looked at him as if he had just given them a country, squealing like crazy. They must really like him then. Mew chuckled as he signed the photo sets and as an afterthought he scribbled a tiny heart on drawing-Gulf’s chest.

If only he knew that the innocent interaction was flaming and fuelling crackling embers somewhere, making it bigger by the second – threatening to go out of control.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I should just legit put here: updates every Sunday between 3pm - 12am.  
> This one's earlier than my usual ones because I wrote it last night in my insomniac state.
> 
> Happy Sunday!


	9. Cupid Wrote Our Love Story

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today is a blessed, blessed day I can't stop smiling. You guys seen the domestic live earlier? My eyes were blessed with them gorgeous MewGulf being their usual married self. I just want to kidnap them and have them live in my pocket.
> 
> I almost forgot to post this. I planned to finish writing this chapter during lunch but that's when Mew went on live and I can't. Why are they so lovable like that's couple goals right there? Despite understanding basically 20% of everything, I can't stop watching. Thank god Mew spoke English, hallelujah! Them lucky fans too /sobs/
> 
> Anyway, I hope you guys are enjoying your Sunday as much as I am. On with the story. Tis a short one, I'm sorry in advance. Filler chapter coming through - I don't even know if this makes sense.

_Cupid must have wrote our love story in the dark, don’t you see these scribbles and these permanent marks?_

_Cupid must have wrote our love story in the dark, oh sloppy cupid_

_Cupid doomed us from the start_

_Victoria Monét_

**CHAPTER 8**

“Hey, Mew!”

Mew’s smile was the sincerest and brightest he gave for the past week.

“Hey, Jan,” he called back to his friend. 

The Eurasian Engineer major was jogging the few steps to where the actor was sitting. Jan was looking his impeccably clean self and that was not common for a lot of the students here in this hot Thai weather.

Mew was in the zone, running calculations for his pilot study. His proposal had been approved and he needed to experiment on a smaller sample population first. It was a good thing Jan came when he did. Mew needed a second opinion on some limitations and suggestions he had on his research design. The 26-year-old man found it easier and more productive to have a brainstorming partner, the more they could share and debate ideas the better. Mew found out early that Jan was someone who had a unique perspective on things that it was always stimulating when they were engaged in discussions. Their talks covered everything from mundane mindless topics to heated academic debates. The two of them could chatter the world away and when Peach and Kade were added to the mix, they became unstoppable. Thank Buddha Mew found some people who he could connect with on an intellectual level. 

Come to think of it, they had a small assignment for their shared class. And their meeting this week was scheduled for tomorrow at Jan’s house. As the man still lived with his parents, Mew had the opportunity to meet them. It was when they came to do their group work for the very first time. Meeting the Königs was interesting. Jan’s mother was an interior designer and it showed in the home they lived in that looked like it came straight out of home design magazines. Heather König née Turner was a beautiful woman with gentle grey eyes and curly sandy blonde hair who spoke fluent Thai. Mew would never peg her as someone who lived most of her life in Thailand, and would probably assume she’s a foreigner if they were to cross paths on the streets. Jan told him both his parents favoured a minimalist contemporary layout for the house’s shared spaces. Mew felt slightly envious with how nice everything was – the open and airy space conducive to mental tranquillity. On the other hand, Lars König was a built man but his cheerful countenance softened the edges of his intimidating figure. Upon hearing Mew’s last name, Jan’s father mentioned how he knew of his old man’s company. It turned out Mr König was also a businessman although he specialised in construction and architecture. It was a good thing that Jan’s younger brother, Ansel, was pursuing business administration, as all the other König siblings were interested in various other fields instead. 

The older König pair was really a match made in heaven. Seeing them, Mew realised that the apple didn’t fall far from the tree. Jan looked like both of his parents, getting the perfect combination of their best traits. In fact, when Jan gave his three group mates a short tour of his house and Mew saw the massive family portrait in the living room, all Mew could think of was how evenly distributed were the König’s genes. The portrait showed all six people in Jan’s family – his parents, his two brothers, sister and Jan. 

And Mew realised now why the brothers were said to be protective of their youngest sibling. More so when he met Klara König in person. Objectively, Mew could see how beautiful the youngest member of the family was. Jan’s sister was polite and affectionate to her older brother. Mew met Klara when Jan’s mother asked them to stay for dinner saying she didn’t want to send them off without some warm home-cooked meal. The only girl among the siblings came to fetch them, as lively as her brother.

When Jan introduced them, Klara told him how she came to recognise him.

“You are a famous actor, Khun Mew. I’m a new fan and I follow you on social media. You’re more good-looking in person too. It’s a pleasure to meet you face to face.”

Jan had to smother his sister and drag her away in the middle of her recounting her first exposure to Mew – his last solo fan meeting. Jan apologised to him for the unexpected babbling of his sister on their way to the dining room, a frowning Klara cowed under his armpit, with the three of Jan’s mates trailing after the duo in amusement. Jan’s parents, Jan’s younger brother and sister were present for the meal. With a short ‘please enjoy the meal’, Mew, Kade and Peach were treated to a feast of seafood and vegetable dishes. 

That was when he found out the Königs were largely pescatarians. Both Jan and Klara were allergic to chicken meat and beef, and their elusive eldest brother was strongly averse to anything meat. So for convenience sake their mother would just prepare fish for the entire family. Now that Mew thought of it, Jan did favour seafood when they all ate out. It was also a good thing since Jan and Mew shared a similar taste.

Apparently, dinner in his friend’s household was a chaotic affair. It wasn’t that everybody was loud – it was more due to how bewildering it was to hear more than three languages used simultaneously around the table. Thai and English and German were mainly used with seamless transitions from one to the other that Mew figured this must be how they normally talked. He was pretty sure there were two other unidentified languages spoken. The half-confusion half-awe Kade sported was pretty much mirrored onto his and Peach’s face. Perks of growing up in a multiracial family, he supposed. But overall, meeting Jan’s family was an interesting experience. 

“So how are you, man? Haven’t seen you much lately,” Jan asked. Mew looked up from his thoughts and shrugged. 

“Yeah, I’ve got a back-to-back schedule for the last few weeks. I’m knackered,” Mew rubbed his eyes, careful not to dislodge his contact lens.

“Being a popular actor sure is a tough job with your irregular schedule. Klara told me about a fan meeting?” 

Mew nodded, “yeah, that just ended. Thank god.”

“That’s not all she told me.”

Mew looked at his friend who looked like he had something to say to Mew. Both Engineering students were quiet before Mew hummed.

“So what is it?” He couldn’t suppress his curiosity.

“There’s a rumour. About you.”

All of a sudden, Mew felt his stomach drop. From Jan’s tone, it sounded like a bad one.

“What rumour?” Mew asked. No, not another one. 

“It’s nothing bad, I guess. Klara’s faculty has this forum, right? And apparently it says you’re dating an undergrad there. Not just someone but their faculty’s Moon too.”

Mew frowned. What? He didn’t know whether to laugh or get angry at the ridiculous story. He wasn’t in a good place to start a relationship with someone. He was already busy with school and work, when would he even have the time to date someone? Much less from another faculty. He was barely at his own anyway. He knew nobody outside his small circle of friends. He knew a number of actors and actresses who were studying at Chula or were alumni. But he wasn’t close to any. 

“What? Who? I don’t even know anyone there.”

He wasn’t exactly sure which faculty Klara was in.

Jan sighed. “Well, not exactly.”

What now?

“You remember Gulf? The one I introduced you to from our last basketball game?”

The bad feeling grew in Mew. This was the second time he heard that name mentioned, and it’s a short amount of time in between the two instances that Mew didn’t like where this was going. There was something bigger going on other than fans showing him lovely fan arts. He barely remembered what the younger man looked like. Their meeting was fleeting. Jan continued talking, oblivious to Mew’s inner turmoil.

“So the rumour says that you’re dating Nong Gulf. And I know it’s not true since Klara told me the whole story. I just figure I should let you know in case somebody comes up to you and asks about it. And maybe you have some ideas on how to stop it from spreading. Oh poor Gulf. Klara says he’s uncomfortable with all of it, what with people keep on asking him questions on your ‘relationship’.”

There were so many blanks in Jan’s story, Mew felt like he should ask him to tell him the entire story. 

“Why would they think I’m dating this guy? We’ve only met once.”

“Oh right. Sorry. What did Klara say again?” Jan mumbled, trying to recall what his sister had shared.

“I think it starts after their showcase or something. Gulf is Klara’s best friend by the way. Something about matching bracelets.” 

Both Jan’s and Mew’s eyes flickered to Mew’s bracelet around Mew’s right wrist as his arms rested on either side of his laptop. That made Mew pause.

Someone was wearing the same bracelet as him?

“I never told this to anyone. But this is actually given to me by a fan. A special one to me. I’ve had this since forever,” Mew told Jan.

“And Gulf’s is something he’s been wearing for a very long time too. He bought it like when he was in high school. Have his name on it and everything.”

No. That couldn’t be a coincidence. Mew’s eyes widened. The situation was getting weirder. Mew touched the name carved into his bracelet. He was sure nobody knew. Was this Gulf a stalker? An obsessed fan? But some information didn’t match if he were one. One possible explanation other than it being a crazy and freaky coincidence was that… was he? 

“Gulf’s bracelet has his name on it, you say?”

“Yeah, his initials on it. Don’t know what though.” 

“Do you know what Gulf’s full name is?”

Mew had a feeling. He wanted to make sure. And he sure hoped Jan was extra helpful today. 

But Jan shook his head with a slight pout. “Sorry, man.”

Mew’s thoughts were running faster now. He was going to get to the bottom of this.

“Dude, do you know where Gulf is right now?”

Jan’s face changed in an instance – wary. He held onto Mew’s arm like the actor was going to run away any second.

“Why do you want to know, Mew? Whatever you’re thinking of doing, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Mew smirked. 

“Relax, man. I’m not gonna do anything.”

The other man still looked troubled that Mew gave him a winning smile. A smile he usually flashed the press.

Mew really wasn’t going to _do_ anything to Gulf. He was just going to maybe observe him from afar. Then maybe he’d talk to the younger man. 

-M-

Gulf sighed. And Gulf groaned. He felt slightly upset.

In all the weirdness that had been following him for the past few weeks, he had missed Mew Suppasit’s event. It was a large one with his cast of the What The Duck Series. Gulf had never really watched it. He had seen clips and read reviews on how explicit it was that he felt a bit scared just to see it. He wanted to but his mind and heart wasn’t ready. His sister had watched it on his behalf.

“Oho, nong! It’s so difficult to explain. It’s like a whole different world – there’s so many explicit scenes. And I don’t even get some of the plot too,” Gift tried to explain to her wide-eyed younger brother once.

“Then why do people like it so much then?” Gulf frowned. So far, there were mixed reviews about it. And he read even the international comments.

Gift tilted her head, pondering the question. “Maybe it’s because of the chemistry between the actors? I mean there are some good scenes. But _hui,_ maybe you need to watch something softer first, _na ja_?”

Gulf admitted that he had never really watched any gay or aptly called BL series before. He found Mew when he was in his later teen years and before that he wasn’t really a fan of watching anything else other than football or random TV shows. Sometimes, he’d watch what Gift would watch. Lakorn here and there. But he was never invested.

But since Gulf was religiously following Mew Suppasit’s social media presence, he had developed a tunnel vision for anything Mew-related. So he was sort of upset that he had missed the chance to give something to Mew.

And by that, he meant have Gift give something to Mew on his behalf.

Maybe it was because he was in university now with a vow to be at the top of his classes. So subconsciously, he gave more of his attention to his physical life. One where, sadly, nobody knew of his interest in (love for) Mew. 

There was Klara, but Gulf was hesitant to share that part of him. And now there was that rumour about him. The fact that it didn’t seem to go away anytime soon was troubling. Every morning before going to Chula, he prayed that it just stopped.

But it was still going strong. Why was it so hard to quell? It was a baseless rumour. 

People were about to move on from it but some people decided to post something that was supposed to be ‘evidence’ of his non-existent romantic relationship.

This time, it was Klara that found out about it. It was something along the line of Mew hinting something. It was unclear to him and he didn’t want to know. He was already feeling guilty for causing trouble to someone. It might just be faculty rumour but it involved someone who had a reputation to uphold. It was on his conscience. Gulf couldn't help but think that one day Mew would sue him for defamation. Or that Gulf was ruining someone’s career forever. 

Today, Gulf was lucky that he was alone for once. Both Klara and Mack had their own things to get done. So Gulf took the opportunity to hide away on the second floor of his faculty’s library. Klara asked him earlier if he wanted to join her and Lang in search of a textbook their library did not have an updated version of, but Gulf politely declined. 

He glanced at the time. It was late in the afternoon but not too late. It would be some hours before the sun set. The nearly 20-year-old decided that as he didnt want to go home yet, he’d try to finish his work. Some that he needed to catch up on and work on a report due in two weeks. 

He found a neat little corner by the windows that allowed him to enjoy the outside view of a small yard. It was rather secluded and Gulf whiled away his time in concentration. 

-M-

To be quite honest, Mew wasn’t really proud of what he was doing. If his mother knew, he’d get an earful of course. 

For four days, Mew had been quietly watching one Faculty Moon. He had observed the first year Moon and he admitted that he was having fun watching the other. Gulf wasn’t what he expected. Mew had seen him with his friends, he had seen Gulf at the sports centre once and the actor admitted that the Moon was quite athletic. The Education Technology major was all-around a team player. At the same time, Gulf seemed quiet and driven. He worked at his pace. But Mew found something else that caught his interest. 

When he was alone. This was how Mew found him often. 

The younger seemed to be in his own little world, where others couldn’t touch it. It was like there was this little bubble and Gulf was happy in it. The man seemed to prefer his solitude more often but he was never averse to company. Although that company was limited to his tight circle of friends.

Mew wanted to talk to Gulf. Just to dissect what was going on in that mind of his. He was looking for the opportunity to as he planned. He was waiting for just the right time to approach the younger. 

It was a miracle that Mew wasn’t caught yet. He had been hanging around the Faculty of Humanities where he had no business whatsoever. But he was never there when he assumed that it would be crowded. He only came when Gulf’s classes had ended, marking the younger one’s whereabouts each day with the help of Gulf’s class timetable. 

How did he get his hands on Gulf’s schedule?

Mew had found an unexpected ally in his plan. 

As soon as he had that talk with Jan, one Klara König came to find him bridled with protective fury for her best friend. It was kind of intimidating and cute at the same time. 

“P’Mew, so you’ve found out about the rumour?” Klara asked him defensively, arms crossed and everything hostile, “P’Jan really can’t keep his mouth shut.”

Mew had asked Klara to call him ‘phi’ before. Klara was interestingly polite addressing him with ‘khun’. It wasn't just him - Kade and Peach were given the same treatment before they told her to treat them casually. And he had visited Jan’s house more times after the first - sometimes just to hang out. Since Klara was a homebody, he saw her often. As Mew had a younger sister too, it was easy to treat her like he did Jomm. 

Klara wasn't one to shy away from interactions whenever they met. And Jan loved hanging out with his sister as much as he could. They would inadvertently spend half their hangout time with her instead. Jan told him that Klara was the sibling he was closest with, mainly because they both shared similar interests despite their 7-year age gap, and Klara favouring Jan over her other brothers. Jan was smug about that. 

Mew calmed her down citing he wasn't going to harm her best friend. He just wanted to see who it was that people were pairing him with. And he wanted to talk to him about their shared predicament. And Klara was a more reliable source of information than her brother, showing Mew the forum and explaining the going-ons until Mew got the full picture. She was willing to give Mew Gulf’s timetable too so that Mew could find her best friend easier. It was better for them to talk alone, Klara reasoned. 

Mew told her that he never even talked to this Gulf person so it was interesting how people’s minds worked.

“It’s all because of his joke,” Klara groaned, “sometimes, you don’t know when he’s joking, it took some time getting used to his sense of humour.”

“And it’s all because of this too, isn't it?” Mew jiggled his wrist, showing Klara his infamous piece of jewellery. 

And Klara gasped, asking a tiny ‘may I?’ before grabbing Mew’s hand. She twisted and turned his limb like it was detachable. Her fingers hovered over the band.

“Wow,” she whispered, “your bracelet really looks like Kana’s. I can’t believe it.”

Mew’s heart stopped. 

Did she just say-

-M-

  
  


Gulf was humming the rap song he was listening to as he read his notes. The song wasn't playing that loudly, allowing him to focus on his work. He always wondered how it was that people who blasted their songs at maximum volume, with their earpiece or headphones on that others could hear it, still had functional hearing. He would've thought their eardrums were shattered at that point. 

He had just finished typing up his report, giving it some time before he had to edit it. So Gulf took out his book and began reading. He had trouble understanding some concepts in his class earlier so he wanted to work them out on his own before sending his lecturer an email inquiry. Gulf was so lost in study mode that he didnt realise that someone was sitting in front of him. Watching him quietly with a smile as Gulf pursed his lips, pouting his lips on habit. 

It was only when his phone vibrated, an alarm he had set signalling the end of his study time, that Gulf finally snapped out of it and reached for his phone. With eyes closed, Gulf stretched his body with a slight moan. He twisted his body, hearing the satisfying cracks. 

When he opened his eyes and realised he wasn't alone, Gulf jumped slightly.

He dropped his phone onto his papers, it clattering loudly as he stared at the smiling man in shock. Gulf couldn't say anything as he stared, his eyes wide.

The other person cleared his throat. And extended a hand to Gulf. Gulf watched in fear as his eyes landed on the veiny hand adorned with the gift Gulf had given almost three years prior. Remembering the rumour, his heart began to thrum. This was it, his doom. He gulped, the other man’s hand still outstretched, waiting for Gulf to shake it. The visitor opened his mouth. 

“Hello, Gulf. It’s nice to finally meet you.” 

  
  
  
  
  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you this gon be short. Sorry not sorry for the cliffhanger.


	10. Ding dong, feelings come a knockin'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter guys! I'm sorry I can't write much on this one. I tried but it's only 6-page long. It's a busy weekend for me. Heck it's a busier than busy week for me. So many things going on, I'm swamped. I need two bodies that I can alternate in for 12 hours each.
> 
> Another reason this is short is because I've got like this thing I wanna put in another chapter altogether.
> 
> I will have to come back much later and edit this. No idea if what I've written got flow.
> 
> I hope you enjoy your chocolates much like the chocoholic me.

_I’m a little weird about this subtle feeling_

_It’s just unfamiliar for me so it might be a little slow_

_Park Kyung_

**CHAPTER 9**

There was this image of Kana in his head. Mew had imagined meeting his favourite fan thousands of time.

Kana would be soft-spoken and thoughtful. Maybe even bashful. Someone quiet. Someone who had a world they lived in and a world they loved.

They might be faceless but it didn’t matter to Mew. Some days it was a faceless woman, sometimes a faceless man. Sometimes they had long hair, sometimes short, sometimes they were tall other times petite. More often than not, Mew envisioned a woman, blurred around the edges and overlapped with different looks. It wasn’t for a specific reason. It was just an assumption he made, firstly because most of the people who liked him were female, their number overwhelming the few males. This assumption was made stronger because of what Bosser once told him.

_“She had a small face, big eyes and sharp nose.”_

The imaginary look of one Kana with the amazing gifts had somehow taken on these specific features. But as was a normal human imagination, it was limited. He couldn’t conjure an image so vivid. Sometimes, he’d try to look for Kana’s features in every woman he passed. Sometimes, he wondered if he’d met Kana and never knew.

Kana was probably a more common nickname among the Thai females. He knew maybe one or two girls with such name during high school. Or maybe Kana was a misnomer. Maybe the person he wished to meet wasn’t named Kana after all. Maybe the romanised Kana in one of the notes he received was just a random doodle. Or something else entirely.

Maybe the signed ‘K’ then did not actually stand for Kana. Maybe they made a mistake and wrote it just for fun. There were so many hypotheticals. Mew could speculate all day all he wanted but it was all going to be in his head – one where everything was a guess. Only one person would be able to answer whatever Mew was curious about.

But first he’d meet Kana.

-M-

Gulf was shell-shocked.

“Wha- um…” Gulf tried. An embarrassing gurgle of gibberish came out instead. Instantly, his ears turned red. But he couldn’t stop staring at the smiling newcomer.

Actor Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat. His idol.

Was sitting right in front of him. His face was too close and Gulf could see the charming pool of dark swirling eyes of one handsome man. His heart stuttered. But, really, his wide eyes couldn’t stray from the other man’s face. And he was looking at Gulf too.

Mew crossed his bulging arms and leaned in. Gulf didn’t know what to do, his body frozen like a statue.

“We’ve met before, at a basketball game, remember? I should say it’s nice to meet you again, Gulf.”

Oh lord, his voice sounded deeper and huskier in person. Darn in Gulf, _say something back_ , his mind screamed. Gulf gulped, trying again to make his vocal chords obey his mind.

“Uh, um. Yes.”

Gulf made it sound like it was a question instead. He wanted to slap his face, or possibly dig a hole, or flee the country. He’d do all three. He cleared his throat.

“Um, I mean yes… we’ve met before,” Gulf’s voice trailed off in embarrassment.

He adjusted himself in his seat, back ramrod straight, eyes wide drinking in the sight of the handsome man. He tried to smile as he gathered his notes, conscious of his messy and childish-looking handwriting. The Education Technology student slowly and awkwardly collected his books and papers, neatly putting things away until there was nothing left to occupy his hands. Throughout all this, Mew watched him with a small smile. It made Gulf anxious, his mind already full of shambolic thoughts. He didn’t know what Mew was still there for, as he wasn’t saying anything more.

Gulf worried his lips. He should say something.

“Then, please excuse me khrab,” Gulf tentatively said and Wai-ed the actor. He scrambled to his feet.

“Wait,” Mew said as the younger student was about to walk away. A soft touch landed on Gulf’s arm.

And Gulf’s mind was freaking out. The holy being that was Mew was touching him. He might never wash his shirt again. He looked at the large hand before snapping his eyes to the other. Gulf was doing a very good job imitating a fish right now.

“Um.”

Mew retracted his hand as if it burned. “Oh, I’m sorry. I was just about to say something; that I want to talk to you. Please don’t go just yet.”

Gulf felt his stomach going flippity-flop. The great Mew Suppasit wanted to talk to him? Gulf wanted to grin but then he remembered something. That blasted rumour.

“Oh, it’s about _that,_ isn’t it?”

Mew looked at the first year, amused at the blatant grimace on the younger man’s face. The built actor was already standing in front of Gulf, hands going into his pockets in a picture of ease. Gulf didn’t know if the man had a class or something else. It was nice that graduate students were allowed to wear casual clothes. But judging by the backpack he was sporting, he probably had one.

“I’m so sorry, um Khun Mew. I didn’t mean to cause you trouble,” Gulf apologised. He bowed his head and clasped his hands together in Wai.

But he heard the other chuckled instead.

“Meh, I don’t care about that. You’re about to go home, right? Let me walk with you and we can talk along the way,” Mew gestured for Gulf to lead the way.

Gulf was curious and he peered at the older male’s face for any sign of anger. But there was none. Mew was smiling like his reputation wasn’t tarnished. By Gulf’s senseless and cocky joke at that. He should be held a hundred per cent accountable.

They walked out the building in silence.

Mew matched him stride for stride, their shoulders occasionally brushing against one another. Every time it did, Gulf jolted and his heart raced. They were about the same height now that Gulf realised.

The sky was getting darker and darker. It was now a swirl of purple and orange and yellow. A few of the solar lampposts were slowly coming to life and lighting over paths. It was going to be a slightly long walk as Gulf was going to take the bus home today. The closest bus stand was two faculties over. The 19-year-old was wary people might see them together and draw some weird conclusions again. Mew wasn’t exactly laying low either, his face bare and clean to see. If ever someone were to recognise him, he’d be stopped Gulf was sure of it. 

Mew was silent again. Gulf didn’t like it so he faced the other and asked.

“Are you not angry?”

Mew hummed, “what about?”

“I mean. That’s the only reason I can think of. For you to see me. I was hoping you didn’t know about it. You’re angry with me, aren’t you?”

Mew chuckled at how clipped but careful the younger’s speech was. He found it cute. Since the younger seemed to be embroiled in too much guilt and frustration, Mew should clear the air.

“I was surprised when I found out about it,” Mew said, “I’m not gonna lie, I was a bit upset at first. I did nothing to suddenly be caught up in a scandal. Especially one in uni.”

Gulf winced. He was about to open his mouth when Mew cut him off gently.

“Not that I’m blaming you,” Mew laughed good-naturedly, “I know it’s not your fault. People are always quick to assume, to judge and to jump to conclusion. And it’s kinda the downside of technology when you think about it, right? Sometimes things happen so fast, sometimes stories get made up and changed. So no, you’ve nothing to be sorry for because you did nothing wrong. You’re as much a victim as I am in this, na?”

Gulf didn’t know what to say to that. He was touched. It felt like something invisible that had been weighing down on him for the past few weeks had finally been lifted. His heart felt lighter. It was amazing how the actor always knew the right things to say. And to be the recipient of such words – he was grateful.

“Thank you very much,” Gulf smiled. It finally felt natural on his face unlike his previous ones.

Mew returned it, as charming as ever perhaps even better than when he was on TV. Gulf could see the shadows under his eyes, the hints of a day’s worth of stubbles, and the tiredness in that face. But he looked so _human_ , that Gulf liked it so much.

“And hey, I don’t know about you but I don’t have a lot of friends. Despite the unconventional way, maybe we can get to know each other better like this,” Mew joked, sending a wink to the already flustered teen.

They continued walking, much more comfortable than before. Gulf saw some people passing by, paying the two men no heed, as they went about their way. Neither said anything about how slow they were walking. As if reluctant to have the moment passed.

“What are we going to do about the rumours?” Gulf broke the silence.

It still troubled him that that forum was still out there.

“Why? Is being my boyfriend really that bad? You don’t want people to know?”

Gulf spluttered in surprise as Mew guffawed. He didn’t expect to hear that!

“I’m kidding!”

“Don’t say things like that out of the blue, Khun Mew. I almost have a heart attack,” Gulf grumbled as he rubbed his chest.

Mew retorted by saying how cute he found Gulf’s reddening ears were. In which Gulf immediately clasped his hands over them to hide how increasingly affected he was.

“We’ll do nothing,” Mew said, “it’s not bothering me so I’m okay with it. It’ll disappear soon. Is it bothering you?”

Gulf shook his head, a few moments later he said, “not really. But there are people coming up to me asking for your autographs and your phone number. I mean I would give them if I even have those things.”

“Loh?” Mew laughed at the sarcasm in Gulf’s tone, “here, give me your phone.”

“What? Why?”

“So I can give you my number, what else?”

“What! Why?”

“Are you just going to say that or are you going to gimme your phone?”

Gulf handed his phone obediently. Unlocking it so Mew could punch in his numbers. Thank god his wallpaper wasn’t anything embarrassing. Just a random black and white screen.

Just then Mew’s phone rang and it cut off immediately as Mew got his number.

“Ja,” the Engineering master student gave the device back.

Gulf glanced at it and saw the name Mew had saved his number under. His eyes widened.

“P’Mew?” he squeaked.

“Khrab?”

“I- I mean, you save your number…”

“What else should it be? I am older than you. I’m a phi, nong. We’re going to be friends anyway so just call me so,” Mew teased.

Gulf huffed lightly. He knew Mew was purposely missing what Gulf was trying to say to him. Gulf didn’t know how playful the older was.

“You know what I’m trying to say,” Gulf mumbled.

Mew had saved his name with a yellow heart and really, it was making Gulf’s heart fluttering too much. They were both holding their phones now and approaching the bus station. In a few steps, they’d be there. Gulf wondered if Mew was taking the bus or if he drove.

Silently, Mew showed him his phone and Gulf’s eyes focused on the name. His steps faltered, smile slipping off his face. For the nth time that day, Gulf’s eyes met Mew’s.

There on the screen were the words,

‘My biggest fan, Kana <3’ 

Mew stepped closer and reached out for Gulf’s right hand. He caressed the bracelet there and Mew looked at him knowingly.

“I finally found you, Kana.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you found some errors just holla
> 
> Happy Easter Sunday!


	11. Look Into My Eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I apologise for not posting this chapter last week. Sucky real life situation on my already busy schedule so this had to wait. I'm really sorry.
> 
> But anyway, here's the chapter and I hope you guys will still enjoy it despite being a week late. Thank you so much to all you who read my story and giving me your lovely, lovely comments. I'll go through them soon and reply you guys. x

_I want the you that meet my eyes_

_Jeon Jeongguk_

**CHAPTER 10**

Mew watched on, perpetually amused, as Gulf’s cutlery danced languidly over his plate in random directions. It was clear that the younger was done eating and was just moving his food around silently. He was definitely full and was waiting for Mew to be done with his meal. The Education major was probably too polite or too shy to tell Mew that he had finished. Gulf was looking intently on his pink plate so he wasn’t aware that Mew couldn’t take his eyes of the younger man. But Mew wasn’t able to hide his fascination.

The younger man before was just too captivating. Even the little things that he did. Mew wasn’t sure what it was but there was something so tantalisingly calming just watching Gulf.

They had stopped by at a tiny restaurant just a side of a road, not far from Chula. A typical makeshift space frequented by people around their age. The food was cheap – efficiently made and warming their hungry tummy.

It was a wonder, really, that Gulf agreed to his invitation to eat together.

-M-

There was something desperate in his eyes. It felt like Mew could read and perhaps understand the depths of Gulf’s liquid eyes. He was scared. Of what, Mew had no clue. Was it his sudden and rather creepy (now that Mew thought of it) declaration? It wasn’t a declaration of love, but it was kind of abrupt.

“Um,” Gulf whispered, pulling his hand slowly out of Mew’s grip, lips slightly pursed. And Mew didn’t miss how he immediately put his hands behind him. Discomfort clear on his face.

They had just met – interacted properly. And Mew decided to expose the younger person. Honestly, he was laughing on the inside, feeling a bit foolish. For a moment he had forgotten that they didn’t know each other well, practically strangers. And a stranger suddenly touching you definitely would raise some warning flags and anybody would react similarly to Gulf. If it were someone with an explosive temper, Mew would probably be slapped. He forgot that not anybody was as forward in having physical contact with others as Mew was. And he had forgotten, in his obsessive stalking of the first year student, Mew was the only one familiarising himself with Gulf’s quirks. Gulf had only just started talking to him today. And Mew was acting _too_ familiar. Of course, Gulf would be cautious.

If he had the ability to turn back time, Mew would perhaps wait until he had Gulf opening up to him. He should’ve waited for a few more days, a few more conversations between them before he said what he said. He was too excited. Didn’t he promise himself that he wouldn’t make the same mistake?

The change in Gulf’s face was obvious, Mew’s heart sank. Did he just butcher his chance to get close to the younger man? All he wanted was to return Gulf the favour for all the written encouragements, the thoughtful and funny gifts.

“Um, the bus i-is almost here. I need to go now,” Gulf pointed weakly in the direction of the bus stop. And Mew didn’t miss how he covered his wrist, despite already pulling his sleeve over his wrist. Hiding the bracelet.

Mew couldn’t let him go just yet. And Gulf was too polite to walk away as Mew searched his brain for something to say. The younger didn’t directly address what Mew said, he didn’t refute he didn’t acknowledge it. So Mew was confused.

Was all this a blunder on his part?

“Wait, I-“ Mew called out as Gulf tried to back away.

Gulf turned and it looked like he was definitely going to cut Mew off and go. But then a sudden continuous _creaking_ croak rang between them. Both their eyes snapped to Gulf’s stomach.

-M-

Mew tried not to laugh so suddenly as he recalled.

“Are you full?” Mew asked. They had been there for quite some time, people around them coming and going. Most paid them no heed, but a stray one or two met his eyes, unfortunately when his cheeks were bloated as he munched on his rice. That awkward smile as you tried not to open your mouth.

Gulf looked up and after a beat, nodded, still pushing food about. Mew was finished too, his plate clean.

“I’ll just finish this for you,” Mew’s hand was quick to pull Gulf’s plate closer to him and he was just about to spoon the leftover fried rice to one side. Before Gulf frantically snatched the pink plate back and frowned at Mew. The intensity of his sharp eyes startled Mew that he couldn’t help widened his eyes in response.

“N-no, I’ll finish this,” Gulf roughly shovelled the few spoonfuls, almost making himself choke with how quick he moved his jaw and swallowed.

“You don’t have to rush, nong. There’s no time limit to this,” Mew couldn’t help but tease. He relished in the satisfaction of seeing Gulf’s ears getting redder and redder under his scrutiny. The younger only narrowed his eyes in silent protest.

Why was it that everything Gulf did only manage to endear him more to Mew?

Mew watched as Gulf chewed like a child chastised for not eating their vegetables. He would occasionally look at Mew and just as quickly averted his eyes, pretending to find other things interesting to look at. But his gaze on Mew stayed longer and longer despite Gulf not saying anything. A few times it felt like the 19-year-old wanted to say something but decided not to.

Mew found it refreshing. Their silence was comfortable, Mew wasn’t pressed to fill it with inane chatters; there wasn’t a pressure to. Mew was normally expressive, preferring to talk that sometimes it left a bad taste in his mouth and a bad feeling in his gut if he were to not exchange at least a ‘how are you?’ to someone he knew. 

Before long, both of them were on their way. Gulf insisted they split the bill, while Mew _insisted_ he’d pay for the both of them. It almost turned into a fight, both too headstrong – until Mew threatened Gulf with a second outing (date) or else he would not let Gulf pay. Gulf didn’t realise that he was being tricked into agreeing with Mew’s win-win situation until after.

But still he protested wordlessly, crossing his arms as they walked, a grinning Mew just beside him.

When Mew realised the time, knowing that the bus had stopped running a scant few minutes before, he cleared his throat purposely loud. To attract Gulf’s attention.

“So,” Mew said, “I think you might’ve missed the last bus.”

“Yeah,” Gulf sighed. The buses stopped an hour early that day as it was the weekend. He slung his bag to the front and started rummaging for something. He took out his phone. Seeing that, Mew quickly said.

“Why don’t I take you home?”

“What? Why? There’s no need, um, phi. I’ll text my mum it’s okay.”

Mew wanted to ask if ‘what why’ was Gulf’s go-to response. He kept answering Mew like that.

“It’s late, you don’t have to bother her. I can drive you home.”

“I don’t mind,” Mew smiled. He wanted to reach for and touch Gulf again for assurance but Gulf might not like it. Mew could already see it in Gulf’s liquid eyes, that even in the dim streetlights the older man could see how clear Gulf’s irises were. Mew really liked looking at those deep-set and big eyes. Those eyes that would disappear when the younger laughed or gave a big smile.

Gulf bit his lip, showing his pointy canine slightly.

Mew’s eyes dropped to the abused lower lip. Gulf had been biting into the flesh for some time and now some parts are darker from his teeth. Mew gulped. He didn’t realise how lovely those lips were, a nicely shaped cupid’s bow and a plump lower lip. _They looked soft enough to be kissed_.

Mew blinked. Surprised at his thought.

He almost missed Gulf’s tiny ‘yes’ to his offer.

-M-

**_A few weeks later…_ **

Mack knew something was up as he watched Gulf walked into the classroom. He came early for once and there was something different about his friend. But he couldn’t put a finger on it. In fact, something had been going on with his friend since the past week weeks.

Gulf ignored him as Mack continued to scrutinise the taller male, used to his antics.

“Hey,” Gulf greeted his friends.

“Morning, babe,” Klara said, eyes focused on the game she was playing. Her finger moved methodically, swiping blocks to match across a colourful and cheery screen.

“Hey, meung,” Mack said then frowned at Klara.

She had her hair up today, a slightly messy but casual-looking ballerina bun she always favoured. She looked relaxed in her seat, slouched in her chair like an uncouth person. Klara’s long legs crossed at her ankles and her shoes were resting against Mack’s.

“Why do you never call me with any terms of endearment like you do Kana?”

“Hmm, what do you mean?” Klara asked, still only half paying attention to anything else.

“You call Gulf babe, thilak, sweetheart. Why do I never get one?”

The game stopped, showing a pop-up asking if Klara wanted to buy a few moves with her coin or restart the level. She picked the latter and looked at Mack with a smirk.

“But I do call you with affectionate terms,” Klara said, an eyebrow rose.

“What? When do you ever?” Mack shook his head vehemently.

“Yes I do,” Klara pretended to think as she put a finger on her cheek, face tilting upwards and eyes looking at the ceiling, “I call you stupid, idiot, nosy, some other variations of those. See? I do use them…affectionately.”

Mack’s angry huff and loud yell almost drowned Klara’s equally loud yell.

And Gulf sighed. Preparing to brave through the day, hopefully unscathed and safe from his two best friends’ daily and petty squabbles.

-M-

Just as Gulf was making his way to the library, wanting to catch a nap before his next class, his phone rang. Startled as he rarely got calls from anybody at this time of the day, he checked the caller ID. Gasping, his thumb touched the screen in an attempt to swipe the red button. An irrational thought crossed his mind – he looked too dishevelled to answer the phone, Mew might see him.

But of course, fate and the heavens above decided that the call would be connected. And now Gulf scrambled to put the phone against his ear.

“Hello?” he said timidly.

“Hey.”

The voice greeted him and Gulf tried not to smile at hearing him.

“P’Mew,” Gulf said in greeting, voice low as if trying to hide who he was talking to.

As if that if he said the other’s name loudly, people would find out that they were friends now. They had met each other a few times after the first. It was like Mew knew when his day was ending that the older Engineering student would text or ask if Gulf wanted to see him. It was always a casual thing, hanging out doing mundane things, usually Mew asking Gulf to join him for a meal or just Mew accompanying Gulf wherever he was. Gulf wasn’t exactly sure what was going on, what kind of relationship they had. They had nothing in common yet Mew continued to seek his company. And Gulf liked spending time with him in return.

At first, he tried to decline Mew’s invitations but his guilt was too strong after his first rejection that he ended up saying yes to all of Mew’s meet-up requests. He admitted he was weak but it was perfectly logical. Who in their right mind would turn down a chance to hang out with a celebrity?

“Gulf, what are you doing now?” Mew asked, voice always so gentle.

“On my way to the main library before going to my next class, phi,” Gulf answered honestly.

Mew hummed in acknowledgment, “then I’ll come find you and see you in a bit, okay _may_?”

Gulf nodded his head eagerly before remembering Mew wouldn’t be able to see him and said yes.

His steps felt a little bit lighter now knowing that he’d see Mew soon.

-M-

Gulf was in and out of a light snooze, ears still hearing the slight bustle of the world around him. His arm was stretched out in front of him, and he laid his head on it. He hid his face from the world, choosing a slightly secluded table, as per his routine. A quieter corner in a quiet place was what he liked. The first year student didn’t feel like doing anything other than giving his brain a break.

That was how Mew found him. Gulf’s eyes were closed, the lower part of his face hidden with his left arm. He dropped his bag into an empty seat and mirrored the other’s pose. And watched the younger’s face. Mew knew the other wasn’t in a deep sleep. With how controlled his position seemed to be. Gulf’s hair was getting longer, and despite the fluff it almost covered his eyes totally, curling over the peach-coloured eyelids. Mew wasn’t in a hurry to wake the other up, he was feeling slightly tired himself. He had trouble sleeping lately that he ended up sleeping after midnight. But his body was used to waking up with the sun that he ended up lacking sleep most days. He wasn’t exactly sure what was causing his sleep trouble.

Mew wanted to trace Gulf’s delicate features but he settled with placing his hand close to the other’s fist. He liked seeing their matching bracelets right next to each other. He must’ve made a noise because Gulf suddenly opened his eyes and stared straight into Mew’s eyes. The younger smiled before sitting up, slowly rubbing the sleep off his eyes.

“When did you get here?” Gulf asked, the soft smile still playing on his lips.

Mew crossed his arms and laid his head back. He struggled to keep his yawn at bay and ended up exhaling into his palm loudly.

“Not too long ago,” the older man slurred. Gulf realised that Mew’s bottom retainer was on and that meant that he didn’t bother dressing up today. His hair was uncombed and he was wearing a grey hoodie.

“Hmm, you look tired, phi,” Gulf remarked.

Mew nodded, pouting, “let me borrow your shoulder?”

A tiny laugh escaped Gulf. He rested his back comfortably against his chair and patted his left shoulder in invitation. Mew sat up quickly, dragged his chair closer to Gulf’s before resting his head on Gulf’s bony shoulder with a sigh. The younger lowered his shoulder slightly as they both moved together to get comfortable. That ended up with Mew’s forehead resting against Gulf’s neck.

Gulf realised after their initial encounter how ‘touchy’ Mew was, but the older man always apologised when he touched Gulf in his excitement as they talked. The younger finally told Mew to stop apologising and if he wanted to touch Gulf, to just go ahead with it. But now, Mew developed a habit of asking before tentatively touching Gulf until they both were familiar with it. It helped that Gulf always went along with Mew’s ‘skinship’. And sometimes, Gulf would lay his hand in the crook of Mew’s elbow or patted his arm casually. Until it was sort of unknown who reached for whom first. They bonded well over their shared love for gaming and after that their interactions rarely had any awkward moments in them. 

Gulf also finally relented to Mew’s continuous hints – it was a mind game between them. So on the seventh day of their pre-agreed meeting, Gulf handed Mew a small black box with a green ribbon. He didn’t have to say anything, as both understood well the implication of such box. Mew’s eyes light up seeing it, asking if he could open it immediately.

“Go ahead, it’s for you anyway,” Gulf said.

It was a plain silver ring. Gulf didn’t know why he bought it – there was nothing special about the ring either. He bought it, had it blessed when he visited the temple, and thought it would be nice to gift it to Mew. When Mew saw it, he smirked.

“Are you proposing to me?”

Gulf almost hit the older man in the face in embarrassment. He shrugged instead and said nothing to Mew’s tease. The box contained another thing Mew was looking forward to – Kana’s personalised note. Always filled with encouraging messages or sharing quotes Mew might find interesting too.

This one read something slightly different.

_Khun Phi,_

_I hope you know how persistent you are._

_But in this world where people give up easily, it’s a charming trait._

_You’re _ _one in a million._

_Gulf Kanawut_

The light reflected against the silver ring on Mew’s right pointer finger. It was now something Mew wore without fail. Gulf looked at it and wondered how nice it was that Mew was someone who treasured his belongings. He heard Mew’s soft snores and felt the timed exhales warming his shirt. He figured he’d let the older man sleep until Gulf had to go for his class.

He took out his phone and loaded his game.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for reading! xx


	12. Cus I'm Feelin' Good

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I sincerely apologise for being MIA for the last few weeks that I didn't even get the chance to check my inbox. The amount of messages scares me but makes my heart flutter too. 
> 
> Unbeta-ed so I'm responsible for all em grammar mistakes, will fix em when I read this chapter.

_Baby, how you feelin?_

_Feelin’ good as hell_

_Lizzo_

**CHAPTER 11**

“Did something happen, na luk?”

“Hmm?”

Mew felt soft hands trying to tame his hair. It was getting too long and to the point that it was crossing over to dishevelled instead of artfully messy. He had been meaning to get a haircut – his roots were showing. Maybe it was time for a new hairstyle. Bosser had mentioned some auditions that he could go. There weren’t much he could do these days, and not a lot of acting offers, so anything would be good. He’d like to start fresh, maybe something small. There was an audition he’d be going to the week after so he was feeling a tad bit excited. But since he didn’t really know what role he’d be auditioning for, it was best to review the information Bosser sent him. There were times when Mew was really aware of how short-lived a career in the BL industry sometimes – it might be easy to get into but he could be out of it just as easily. Should he venture into the hetero industry – just to expand his horizon? Maybe so. But maybe this wasn’t the time. It was a thought for another time.

He was happy where he was at now. So he smiled.

“Nothing, mae.”

-M-

The sound of quick feet shuffling and squeaking across the floor echoed around the hall as players were running around, accompanied by curt bursts of unintelligible hollers here and there. A few times the sharp sound of a whistle rang indicating a change in game, and scattered cheers could be heard here and there.

A few more rounds and the whistle rang for a few seconds longer – the volleyball game had come to an end.

Gulf panted; feeling satisfied despite the sore muscles he was feeling. His hands were a bit ache-y since some of his serves were slightly off, but they were strong nonetheless. He dragged his feet to where the rest of the players were mingling about exchanging inane and happy chatters. The 19-year-old saw Klara coming down the stands, in her casual after-swimming clothes, and approached Jan König. Mack was trailing after the other and gave Wai to Klara’s brother as she handed him a bottle of water. It was another friendly set-up between Humanities and Engineering. And the victor for this round went to the former.

Gulf felt a pat on his shoulder and saw his fellow Moon, Karan Sakulsong, grinning at him. The taller man was definitely happy with their win.

“Great game na, meung.”

Gulf nodded, returning the smile as he was still caught in the high-running adrenaline. Karan rarely joined for sports other than football, dubbed as the university’s football star. But on the rare occasion, he did take part. His overall athleticism was amazing that compared to Gulf, the other man looked barely winded. With one parting friendly pat to his shoulder, Karan jogged to their mutual friend, Humanities’ Sun: the actress Aokbab Chutimon.

Gulf hadn’t seen her in awhile but she gave him a friendly wave before the start of the game. She was the only girl joining their routine interfaculty matches and Gulf was in awe when it was her turn to serve. Her spikes were rather powerful, and she was very agile. New faces had also joined them; Gulf suspected they were some of his faculty’s elusive postgraduate students. Gulf took his time in nearing the group, who were winding down. Gulf’s sweats were drying quicker due to the air-conditioner that was blasting cool air, making the sports complex one of the coldest places Gulf frequented. He felt a bit chilly.

Gulf sat himself beside another familiar face. Klara was busy talking to her brother just a few paces from the bench he was sitting on. Gulf stretched his legs forward and sighed in relief. He absently accepted a bottle that was handed to him, quenching his thirst immediately then returning the bottle to its owner, before continuing with his lazy ministrations.

He was interrupted when Mack dropped right beside him and his sharp bony elbow poked him right against his bottom rib. He winced silently and looked at his wide-eyed best friend. Mack gestured for him to come closer. Gulf leaned his head closer to his friend.

“Meung, since when are you close with Mew Suppasit?” the other Industrial Education student whispered frantically.

“Eh?” Gulf replied.

“Dude, you guys legit drank from the same bottle. And I saw you. You didn’t even bat an eye; like this is something you normally do, like you guys even move like one of those long-term couples _na_. I mean there’s comfort there - you get me? So you must’ve _done_ this before.”

Gulf was confused as he tried to understand what Mack was trying to tell him. And his friend continued with his tirade. Most of the time, Mack’s thought vomits took some time to decipher.

“And really, meung, I thought you said you didn’t know him!”

He shook Gulf’s arm as he said it, ending his whispered exasperation with a slap that Gulf definitely didn’t appreciate.

Mew, who had been sitting close to Gulf all this while gave the friends a cursory glance. The actor only raised an eyebrow and Gulf tried to convey with his eyes – he would tell the other about it later. Mew only pursed his lips and looked away. Gulf appreciated that Mew didn’t ask him what was going on or surely Mack would combust.

The 19-year-old rolled his eyes, keeping mum as Mack spewed some other nonsense that he wasn’t in mind to be bothered with. Let him rant, he thought. Gulf perked up when Aokbab and Karan approached them.

“ _Sawadee_ _kha_ , P’Mew,” she greeted with familiarity. Karan who was standing beside her also greeted Mew.

Mew smiled at the model and said, “oh, Nong Aokbab, how are you?”

Gulf was confused; he didn’t know that they knew each other. Ever so subtly, he nudged Mew’s side. The older man looked at him.

“Oh,” Mew grinned, “Aokbab and I had several shoots together before. That’s how we knew each other.”

Aokbab smiled at Gulf. “Yes,” she said and turned to Mew again. “It’s been a long time since I saw you, P’Mew. I didn’t know that you go here as well. You’re doing your master?”

Mew chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, it’s only been a few months.”

“All the best, _na_.” Aokbab raised her fists making a ‘fighting’ gesture at the older celebrity.

Karan who was watching them interact suddenly said, “Excuse me, P’Mew. My name is Karan. Can I trouble you to take a picture together? I’m a big fan.”

Gulf almost laughed, as he didn’t expect that. Mew didn’t have a lot of acting experience but he was well known, usually among girls or teens who watched one BL series too many. So it wasn’t really so out of the ordinary for Mew to be approached as a fan was a fan – they came in all shapes and sizes. But Karan didn’t look like your typical BL fan.

He watched as Mew nodded and stood next to Gulf’s taller faculty-mate, and posed for a selfie. Mew offered to give an autograph too if Karan wanted and the latter nodded way too enthusiastically.

“My boyfriend’s the hardcore fan, P’Mew. I was threatened when he keep talking about you so I watched your series. You’re a good actor, P’Mew and now I can’t wait to see you in any new project. Can’t wait, na phi!”

Mew laughed at that. Gulf marvelled at how easy it was to admit something as sensitive as one’s sexuality to someone you just met. Karan was confident and it was a good look. 

Both Aokbab and Karan waved them farewell as they both had some things to do. Karan hollered to let him know when the next game would be; he would definitely want to join. Mew came back and sat closer to Gulf and the younger lazily followed his movement.

“Tired?” Mew asked softly.

Gulf shook his head ‘no’. It wasn’t that tiring but it did do something to him.

“Then, hungry? Time to eat, na?” Mew teased. Gulf nodded and right on queue, his stomach growled. With his eyes closed, Gulf let out a disbelieving good-natured huff. His own lips turning up.

“Oho,” Mew said, “as soon as food is mentioned.”

The older man patted Gulf’s tummy, making a tiny sound and Gulf pushed the offending limb away with a small while that turned into a laugh.

“P’Mew!”

“ _Ma, ma_ ,” Mew said, “let’s feed that monster in there.”

He offered his hand to Gulf and with a dramatic sigh, Gulf heaved himself off the bench. He gathered his things and as usual, Mew couldn’t help lending a hand. Mew was, by nature, someone very efficient so it ended up with him doing most of the work of packing up Gulf’s bag - there wasn’t much to put in anyway but Gulf ran on a slightly slower time than everybody else -, zipping it up and Gulf hefted it over his shoulder.

“Wait!”

Gulf turned to Mack and raised a brow at his friend’s panicked voice and face. Even Klara stopped talking to her brother and gave a confused look. Mack grabbed his arm.

“What’s wrong with you?” Gulf asked.

“Wait,” Mack repeated, “why don’t you stay and talk with me some more? It’s been so long since we hang out, man. I barely see you and Klara these days.”

It was true. Gulf felt like he hadn’t been spending much time as he used to with his best friends. He wasn’t sure what they had been doing or what new things they might be up to. It felt like ages since they talked – just talked or spent time together. Feeling slightly guilty, Gulf turned to Mew. And the older, like always, understood Gulf without words.

“How about this?” Mew raised his voice, “why don’t we all have dinner together? I’m sure we are all famished.”

“Yeah, let’s go eat together. It’ll be my treat,” Jan König added, smiling widely as he slung an arm across Mew’s shoulders. The engineers-to-be grinned at each other.

A rather manly ‘yes’ came from Klara as she grunted her agreement and raised her arms rather reminiscent of a footballer scoring a goal and celebrating their team’s win.

“I call dibs on sushi,” Klara quickly said as she passed her brother, dragging both Gulf and Mack towards the exit.

“Loh? Again?” Jan whined. “You had it for dinner yesterday and for lunch today. Aren’t you bored?”

Klara turned and gave her brother a glare.

“Sushi or else.”

That made Jan grimaced but he didn’t say anything – sighing in defeat. Even Gulf and Mack didn’t dare to offer an alternative menu. Mew was probably the only one on the same wavelength as the humming German-Thai girl. Gulf didn’t miss that happy look on the older actor’s face.

-M-

Today, Mew was going to one of the auditions Bosser had managed to register him for. It was a remake of a popular BL series, and Mew wasn’t too worried if he didn’t get a major role. But he would audition for those roles anyway – maybe the judges would like how he’d do and cast him. He didn’t mind either way.

It was probably that Mew was in his study mindset that he felt that getting acting roles wasn’t that high of a priority in his life right now. He was some steps closer to getting another degree. His parents blessed him, his mother would like for him to get a doctorate too. It wasn’t that bad doing what his parents were pushing him to do since it was his interest too. So, his love for academia kind of outweighed his love for acting at the moment.

The audition was starting in the afternoon, Bosser coming to pick him up from uni and driving him to the venue. Mew had had independent study the past month. His compulsory afternoon and night classes were done. Mew could even do his work from home if he wanted to. He only went to Chula for meetings with his supervisors. And because of another thing (person). Speaking of.

Mew took out his phone from his pocket, intending to LINE a certain someone but then he saw a message notification on his screen. He unlocked his phone.

**GG**

_Su su na phi 555_

_You can do it! 555555_

Mew smiled. Was this kid wishing him luck or being sarcastic?

**MM**

_Can’t you be sincere a bit?_

The reply came instantaneously.

**GG**

_What are you talking about, phi? I’m always sincere 555_

Mew rolled his eyes. It seemed like the younger man was in a good mood. He tapped on the call button. Barely two rings in, the other side picked up.

“You saw me not that long ago,” Gulf laughed. “Why are you calling?”

Mew sighed – Gulf was as direct as ever.

“I only get to see you for like two minutes today. Don’t you miss me?”

Gulf’s infectious laughter became louder.

-M-

“Man, someone’s here to see you.”

One of Gulf’s course mates, who he was friendly with, told him. Gulf looked up and frowned slightly. His class just ended and it was lunchtime. He was thinking of getting something from a vending machine. It was a good thing he had a heavy breakfast or he wouldn’t be able to function properly.

Gulf exited his class and was genuinely surprised.

“P’Mew!” 

Mew was waiting for him just outside his class, slightly hidden, and now Gulf realised why the actor asked him for his classroom number earlier. The Education major walked closer to the other man, uncomfortably aware of the attention Mew was garnering despite most of him intentionally using a pillar to rest against. A few girls were close by, their phones were out and simpering to themselves – no doubt they’re Mew’s fans. He recognised some of them as his classmates.

Gulf power-walked to the actor and sneakily pinching Mew’s shirt, he marched the Engineering student away from prying eyes. Despite suddenly dragged, Mew went along easily, falling into step with the younger man. Gulf slouched more than his usual slouch in an attempt to hide his face. But no doubt they knew it was him anyway – A+ for effort, Gulf. Apparently, Mew and him were still considered ‘hot news’ after getting ‘caught’ several times hanging out or was seen together. He saw some pictures that Klara gleefully showed him; he didn’t dare read anything though. His anxiety wouldn’t be able to take it.

As if reading his thoughts, Mew spoke cheekily.

“Do you think they’re gonna spin a story ‘bout us again today?”

Gulf sighed.

It was really troublesome that Klara and Mew were tight – Klara was feeding Mew his campus news like the rising number one fan that she was. On the other hand, Gulf was glad that Mew was in the know and appeared to not be bothered in the slightest that they were shipped as an ‘imaginary couple’. There were times Gulf felt thankful that it led to his budding friendship with the other, and gladdened that they clicked despite the saying that celebrities were better of being idolised from a far – your fantasies of them might shatter and crush you if you ever met them in reality. But he still worried. The doubt was still there.

“Hey. Talk to me.” Mew held his wrist, stopping. “If it bothers you that much, I promise I won’t talk about it. I’m sorry.”

Gulf sighed again. This was something they had talked over but didn’t necessarily come to a happy conclusion.

“It’s not that. More than anything, I should be the one worrying if it’s bothering you. You got accidentally tangled with me ‘cus of something stupid I said. And despite that, you still came and get things sorted with me. I mean, you could’ve just ignored the rumours but somehow you _talked_ to me like I still can’t believe you’d hang out with me most days. And people make up stories ‘bout us, untrue ones. And _I’m_ sorry. For dragging your name in the mud when I’m nobody.”

For the first time, Gulf said the things that had been on his mind. They weren’t exactly in a right place to be having this conversation – in a random hallway with a lot of people passing by who could easily listen in. But Gulf would rather they just do it now than waiting for the right time, which to him was just a concept.

He watched as the Thai-Chinese actor blinked in surprise. Something akin to understanding washed over the other’s face and he smiled.

“I didn’t know that you’ve been thinking about this in that way. I think it’s time that I confess.”

“Confess what?”

“First off, I never minded that we got tangled up in a rumour together. It’s kind of interesting. Secondly, I know this sounds bad but before I met you I actually sort of stalked you.”

“Phi!” Gulf exclaimed. “What?”

Mew laughed, “Yes, I did. It was wrong of me, I’m so sorry. When I found out about me and you getting paired together, I was curious. Like ‘eh, who’s this boyfriend of mine?’”

Gulf whined at Mew’s teasing, his ears betraying him and blooming red in embarrassment. Why was Mew so playful? He was still processing the fact that Mew admitted to stalking him. He hadn’t decided what to feel about that.

“Then I thought ‘ah, what’s he like? He must be someone amazing’ what with how a lot of that forum’s comments are good things about you.”

“You’re not even in my faculty. How do you even get access to that blasted forum?” Gulf grumbled. They really should be sitting somewhere for this conversation. Mew nudged his chin so the younger looked up at the actor.

“And you know what? Getting to know you is probably the best thing that’s happened to me this past few months. So I don’t want to hear you saying you’re ‘dragging my name in the mud’ or something like that. If I didn’t like you, I wouldn’t be looking forward to spending time with you. If it’s possible, I’d want to have you beside me like twenty-four seven. I’m not kidding.”

Gulf’s heart fluttered some more. His ears and face were hot. He didn’t know what to say. Damn it, why was Mew so darn eloquent? He settled for looking into Mew’s eyes, trying to convey what he couldn’t with words. And just like that, the perceptive Mew _always_ understood him.

“Come on, I need a lunch buddy before going to that audition this afternoon. You need to wish me luck, na?”

Mew winked, now it was his turn marching Gulf in the direction of the nearest canteen.

-M-

“What two minutes? We had lunch for like at least fifteen minutes.” Gulf’s mirthful voice rang.

“Yes, yes,” Mew sighed. “Unlike _someone_ , it looks like I’m the only one missing _someone._ ”

“Good luck, phi. You’ll do great, bye,” Gulf said then promptly hung up.

Mew looked at his phone in disbelief.

“Ah,” Mew huffed but he wasn’t that upset. In fact, he was giddy. He felt good, motivated to do well for his audition.

It was so nice having a friend like Gulf.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you very much for reading, I can't thank you guys enough! x


	13. Interlude: No Drama Tonight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is an interlude chapter - it's meant to be short. But I hope you'll enjoy it nonetheless. x
> 
> So I realise that I might need to provide my playlist. 
> 
> Epiphany from looking through the Chinese translation, dear Khun Rein, thank you for your hard work! 
> 
> So, just in case some of you are interested with what inspired me each chapter, and why they're titled as so.
> 
> Prologue: Billie Eilish - ilomilo   
> Chapter 1: Disclosure ft Sam Smith - Latch  
> Chapter 2: Ryeowook - One and Only  
> Chapter 3: Bebe Rexha - Small Doses  
> Chapter 4: Monsta X - If Only  
> Chapter 5: Kina ft Snow - Get You The Moon  
> Chapter 6: Khalid ft Billie Eilish - lovely  
> Chapter 7: The Vamps- Pictures of Us  
> Chapter 8: Victoria Monét - Cupid  
> Chapter 9: Park Kyung - 띵동 (Ding Dong)  
> Chapter 10: BTS - 고엽 (Dead Leaves)  
> Chapter 11: Lizzo - Good as Hell  
> Interlude Chapter 12: Chloe x Halle - Do It

_I’m just with the crew. We ain’t out here looking for boo._

_‘Cause some nights be better with you_

_Halle Bailey_

**INTERLUDE: CHAPTER 12**

Gulf laughed – head thrown back and eyes closed.

Gift watched in amusement, eyes merrily twinkling at her brother’s response, as she continued recounting a funny incident that happened at her work.

“-and then because it was _technically_ all our fault, since we all were in on the prank, and I’d rather we all go down together, our manager gave us each a two-hour over time this Friday,” Gift huffed.

“Aw, phi,” Gulf laugh-snorted, dabbing the corners of his eyes daintily. He patted his sister on the shoulders in consolation.

“I think you’re forgetting something.”

Gift side-eyed her brother who was slowly turning into a koala, her being dragged into his broad-shouldered embrace. It made her start. When did he grow to be hulking? She now looked at her younger brother carefully. He’d grown a few inches, she deduced. And his baby fats slowly shedding off: his cheeks not as round as it used to.

Gulf hummed, “what?”

Gift tugged at the younger’s thin wrists – the ‘eternal’ bracelet, as she had dubbed it as in her mind as it was eternally adorning the boy’s either wrist, turned slightly – before slapping them, a loud smack. Gulf mock-hissed in pain.

“You did!” she gave him a look of disbelief, “nong, it’s your birthday!”

Realisation came over Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong.

“Ah.”

Gift sighed.

-M-

He marched right into his bathroom, stoic and purposeful, shedding his clothes not caring that he was making a mess on the floor. He’d pick them up later.

Mew wanted to scrub himself clean. He wanted to clear his thoughts. He wanted to _forget_. More importantly, he wanted to not feel hurt. It shouldn’t be affecting him too much. He supposed he was really embodying the saying ‘out of sight, out of mind.’

He should’ve expected it. The BL circle was always filled with a lot of familiar faces – just like how dramas from a channel would feature the same people casted for different roles. He wasn’t at all prepared to see _him_.

It was, for the lack of better words, awkward. They saw each other and with a fake smile, Mew turned away quickly. He’d rather they salvage the shred of dignity and keep their fragile acquaintance, no more no less.

His discomfit overshadowed the good news of him going through to the second round of auditions. He should feel delighted but he was mentally exhausted to feel so.

He cranked the temperature to the hottest setting his skin could stand. His skin was scrubbed pink from his rather distraught impromptu shower. The heat and the water soothed what was intangible. Mew raked his fingers through his wet hair and exhaled. His mind was in order. And he didn’t feel as stuffy as before. As soon as he saw how prune-y his finger pads were, he turned the knob and stepped out of the steamy cubicle.

He carelessly ran a small towel over his body, letting some droplets dry in air. Despite the air conditioner making his naked body cold, he didn’t mind one bit. Mew pulled up a clean pair of boxers and threw himself on his bed.

The actor let out a contented sigh and closed his eyes. Somewhere, his phone dinged.

Mew ignored it and fell asleep.

-M-

“Meh, if it isn’t someone who’s turning twenty soon,” Mack said in a singsong.

Gulf wanted to glare at his loud friend, but his grin was betraying his happiness. Mack put his arm around his best friend.

“We need to celebrate na, meung. It’s not everyday you’re turning twenty.”

Klara who sat in front of them closed her book and smiled at Mack.

“The perfect celebration would be spending all day in bed in pyjamas, reading books and sleeping in between. Maybe go for a swim too. It would be nice if that’s a birthday week celebration. A week-long holiday.” The hazel-eyed teen sighed dreamily.

“If that’s your idea of a celebration, I really dread what you think ‘fun’ actually is,” Mack gave her a stink-eye.

“To each their own, Ai’Pole,” Klara retorted, returning to her book.

Gulf chuckled at Klara’s clever new ‘insult’, or as she called it, term of endearment. Mack was getting slimmer these days that his tall frame looked ganglier as days passed. And Klara told him how when Mack stretched his arms straight and stayed on his tippy toes during their warm-ups with his goggles, cap and trunks on, he looked ridiculous that Klara couldn’t help but compare Mack to a pole. It became a running joke in the swimming club that Mack even responded to people calling him pole before he remembered that that wasn’t his name. it became Klara’s new source of entertainment when Mack made a fuss.

Mack shrugged before nudging Gulf.

“How about after class this Friday? There’s this new bar I heard just opened. Maybe we can go there.”

Gulf shook his head. “I can’t.”

“Oh, why?”

“I’ve dinner plans.”

“Dinner plans?” Mack echoed. Then a sleazy expression crossed the man’s face and Gulf’s guard came up.

“What’s with your face?” Klara frowned, noticing Gulf slowly inching away from their best friend.

“Yes, dinner plans,” Gulf grunted as he tried to peel Mack’s arm off his shoulder.

“Could it be…with a certain _somebody_?” Mack pitched his voice gleefully.

“Are you going out with p’Mew?” Klara added.

Gulf slapped Mack’s head, gritting his teeth in annoyance. Klara blinked in surprise at the sudden act of violence. From the way Mack winced and was rubbing the spot, Gulf must have hit him hard. It was a loud smack.

“No, I am not. I’m celebrating my birthday with my family. P’Gift made a reservation.”

Both his friends simultaneously deflated with a matching ‘oh’.

“Well, that was anticlimactic. How about a whole-day hangout on Saturday then? We can maybe go to the beach or something. Then to the bar.”

“I’m fine with whatever. I don’t need a party. A hangout is better.”

“Saturday it is. Then, I’m planning the day. Lord knows if Klara does it, it’ll be a six-hour shopping trip for books and bracelets.”

“I’ll smack you, don’t think I won’t.” Klara wiggled a finger at him. 

Suddenly, the German-Thai girl gasped, giving Gulf a brilliant lopsided dimpled grin.

“Kana baby, did you know that there’s an FC page dedicated to p’Mew and you? You guys are one of the power _koo-jins_ in this uni. You even have a couple name, so cute.”

“Really? Koo-jin? It’s not like we act in lakorn,” Gulf chortled. He was half-exasperated half-amused.

After his talk with Mew about their friendship and its unfortunately popular side effect, he found it easier to find the silly thing funny. Sometimes, Mew would show him what he found about them online and they would laugh together – feeling utterly amazed by what shippers could come up with. 

“Really,” Klara nodded, “MewGulf FC on Twitter. The tweets are always so sweet. I’m pretty sure a Chula student is running it. Or it’s a group effort with how efficient it seems to be updating pictures of you guys. You look very handsome in them, by the way.”

“MewGulf? Why can’t it be GulfMew? My initial comes first in the alphabet.”

Mack clicked his tongue. “Bro, let me educate you on the nuances of the BL shipping world. You too, Ra. Come closer!”

-M-

Gulf’s evening was smooth, his birthday dinner ending in good spirits. It was nice spending time with his family, just idly sharing stories and seeing each other’s faces. It was a good respite from his revision as well. In a few days’ time, exam season would start. Having his family close by was good for his mental health. Some people, especially the younger generation, took spending time with family as granted. And Gulf didn’t want that. He wanted to spend as much time as he could with his parents and sister. It gave him energy to do everything else.

Which was how he survived the activity after activity Mack had planned for them. It was a good thing they didn’t start in the morning. They started with a late lunch, the four of them: Gulf, Klara, Mack and Lang. Then, they watched an English movie about a water creature. It was okay; Gulf had enjoyed it. Sometime after that, they split up in pairs. Mack and Lang went to the arcade to kill time as Klara dragged Gulf off to look at things that caught their fancy.

“Eh, phi phi!”

A pair of familiar looking girls suddenly appeared in front of them. It took a few seconds for Gulf to place them – it was the girls he saw at Mew’s solo fanmeeting, the ones he and Klara made short conversation with.

“Ah, hello,” Klara grinned, coming to the same realisation as Gulf. “It’s nice to see you two.”

The girls smiled. “You too, phi. How have you been? Meh, you’re still as pretty as ever, phi.”

“I’m fine ja. Is there an event today? You’ve your cameras with you too today.”

“Oh,” one of them laughed, “not today. Today, we’re café hopping. Need some aesthetic photos for my IG.”

“That’s nice,” Klara laughed along, “I hope your trip today is fruitful. Then, phi phi are gonna go na.”

They exchanged Wai and Gulf watched as the high-schoolers went their merry way.

Before long, Lang was driving them to the bar Mack wanted them to go to, with the latter hooking his phone as a GPS. When they entered the bar, Gulf immediately realised how almost packed it was. They almost didn’t get a table. There was a live performance, and the singer was crooning a slow song. Some people were dancing on one side of the pub.

Gulf could see the appeal of such place. The colour scheme of the place was nice and there was a good selection of finger food and some heavier meals. Each of them picked a drink, as they weren’t hungry yet, except for Lang who was their designated driver. A few rounds of drinks and laughter and Gulf felt a bit stuffy. He told his friends that he’d go to the bar to get something lighter. Maybe even a few glasses of cold water.

Gulf was waiting for his turn to place his order, leaning heavily on the side of the counter. He wasn’t in a rush, his eyes lazily trailing over the young patrons. As he did so, he locked eyes with a man. He gave a small smile before continuing his wait slash people watching. From his peripheral, he blearily noticed that the man had come closer and stood just beside Gulf.

Gulf turned his head, tilting tipsily. The stranger smiled at him. He looked to be around Gulf’s age and was good-looking. Gulf returned the smile.

“Hi,” the stranger said.

“Hi,” Gulf replied.

Before turning his head towards the bartender. The person in question was still rather busy mixing drink. So it might take some time before his turn.

“Hey.” Gulf felt his arm tapped lightly. “Do you mind if we talk a bit? I can keep you company while you’re waiting for the bartender to come your way.”

The Education major shook his head. “Not at all.”

The other leaned in. “It’s nice to meet you. I’m Yiam.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chinese translation of Metanoia can be found here, by reinzhang:
> 
> PROLOGUE https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4499328951062267  
> CHAPTER 2 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4500056907251116  
> CHAPTER 3 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4500781506604892  
> CHAPTER 4 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4501507972814484  
> CHAPTER 5 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4502230939579020  
> CHAPTER 6 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4502956092995026  
> CHAPTER 7 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4503484849103271  
> CHAPTER 8 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4504405817424699  
> CHAPTER 9 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4505130777050740  
> CHAPTER 10 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4505854861254532  
> CHAPTER 11 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4506580986942345  
> CHAPTER 12 https://m.weibo.cn/6072774434/4508914610505973


	14. Season 2: You're The One I Want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sup, y'all? Miss me? (course you don't). Sorry I went away longer than expected.
> 
> Ugh I need to get my MewGulf mojo writing back. I thought of rewriting some chapters to what I want them to be initially but like maybe. So here's the chapter you have probably been thirsting for. Sorry, it's not much.
> 
> I'll come back to this to edit. I haven't proofread this shit.
> 
> Give kudos and/or a comment. You'll be giving me life. x
> 
> Also, I think I'm more active on Wattpad so you can find this story there as well. It's @ madgefeuer

_The trouble with you_

_I can’t sleep, I can’t eat without you_

_The trouble with you_

_I wanted everything about you_

_Eric Nam – Trouble with You_

****

****ARC 2** **

****CHAPTER 13** **

Have you ever had that feeling?

That feeling of things, no matter how you saw it, would come to a bad ending?

It always started with good things.

Everything going your way, things you planned gone smoothly, your mood in constant uplift. It was like the world made way for you – _giving_ you good, good things.

Before right there and then, with your guard down, it rip you apart in the most gruesome way.

And all you could do was helplessly _take_

(the pain)

-m-

“Hey, sweet tooth.”

Gulf Kanawut Traipipattanapong, a first year Education Tehnology Chulalongkorn student, looked up just in time to see Klara König, his German-Thai best friend slash confidante who was also in the same course as him, beamed. Her brilliant smile lighted up her sun-kissed face and it seemed like her eyes turned into a greener shade.

“Hey yourself, handsome,” Klara playfully smirked before the stranger bent down and pecked Klara on her lips. The smile they gave each other after was identical.

Klara, in Gulf’s eyes, was a picture of someone in blissful love.

Gulf watched as he was finally noticed by the newcomer. A somewhat common occurrence as it felt like the man only had eyes for the once-unattainable Faculty of Humanities’ Sun Klara König.

“Oh, hey man,” he greeted Gulf, pushing his thick-rimmed glasses up his sharp nose.

“Hey to you too, Yiam,” Gulf snickered, jutting his lower lip in amusement and staring down the man while slowly crossing his arms.

Yiam Jirayuth Lee, a second year Medicine student.

And Klara’s doting nerd of a boyfriend.

The first time Gulf met him was three months ago (it was at a pub and Gulf barely remembered their conversation as he was hammered by the end of the night).

The man was damn charming. It was all apparently a once-in-a-blue-moon occasion when Yiam ‘deigned’ to dress up, showing off his celebrity-like looks, with his sleeves rolled up and shirt exposing his collarbones and chest. His confidence was also apparently something that only existed once he cleaned up good and after a glass or two.

After he introduced himself and after Gulf finally got his drinks, Yiam followed him to his table where Lang Choonhavon Thawan, Gulf’s friend since his days in Suankularb who was currently a Biology major, and Mack Khemachat Thawan (they were cousins), Gulf’s other close friend who was also in Education Technology, were chatting up a storm with Klara in between them. Klara was resolute with her no-drinking policy and with Lang as their designated driver, only Mack was steadily losing his sobriety. Oh, make that Mack and Gulf. It was his birthday celebration after all.

As soon as his eyes landed on the German-Thai, Yiam turned flirtier than when he was with Gulf. Perhaps it was Klara’s cold shoulders and unimpressed stare that Yiam kept teasing her. At the end of the night, he obviously failed to get Klara’s number. And somehow that made his interest in her turned genuine.

Yiam didn’t know that he’d be one of those who would fall for the youngest König’s charm. And pursued her he did.

In the beginning, Gulf didn’t know if it was coincidence or if the dude was really one resourceful and persistent man, but they kept seeing him everywhere. It really was a mystery since their faculties were nowhere near close to one another. Klara was complaining how she kept bumping into him. At first, Yiam’s gelled-up hair and sleazy-looking attire grated on her nerves. Even his cologne irritated her. The female bloodhound that she was, she ended up getting dizzy every time the Med student was close.

First came the flowers – Klara was allergic.

Then came the notes where in each were written an amalgamation of cheesy pick-up lines – Klara almost destroyed every rubbish bins in the vicinity.

Then came the ‘coincidental’ meetings at the swimming pools where Klara usually had her de-stressing laps – it stressed her out more when her suitor kept cheering her every time she finished a round.

It was an embarrassing period of their ‘courtship’ and Yiam really regretted it. But it was also one of Klara’s sources of entertainment.

Until suddenly, on one of their usual hangouts, Klara walked towards them in her usually fast-paced strides holding hands with an unknown man. Lang was fuming silently (it wasn’t because of his crush on her, he got over it after Klara rejected him) as Mack shouted a stream of unsatisfied complaints. Mostly about how it was unfair that they knew nothing about this. When did she even have time to date?

Gulf was just confused.

Truthfully, Gulf was happy for Klara but as a best friend, he had a duty to torture her suitors. It wasn’t just him - truly, it was an act all of them knew to be harmless. The true obstacle came in the form of Klara’s three brothers. But that was a story for another time.

One fine night, as Klara recounted to them, she had to get some ‘woman’ stuff from the pharmacy beside the off-license close to their campus. It was just after their study session and Klara forgot about her errand that day. She needed some menstrual pills as it felt like her uterus was being stabbed and ripped apa-

_“Please stop Ra ui, we really don’t want to know.”_

_The trio shuddered at the unexpectedly awful imagery. And Klara scoffed._

When suddenly a booming loud sneeze made her drop her pads-

 _(“Ew, Ra!” “You childish bastards, just listen.”_ )

-and it made her heart pound way too loud. Klara was pretty sure it was just her and the cashier since it was so quiet. And no way was the lady manning the till produced that god-awful noise. But maybe. She wasn’t prejudiced. As she bent down to pick the pack, another sneeze resonated across the store.

Klara tried to hurry (pills be forgotten), her anxiety rising thinking of how the place was now infected with germs with how small it was, but a groan and a sound of something heavy falling made her turn towards the next aisle. Just in time to see a figure lying on the floor.

When she turned the body over, it was a wheezing man who was too pale and feverish. His lips were cracked and there was a mole on his chin. Thick curly hair free of hair product and thick black-rimmed glasses with superbly thick lens were all Klara could see. His white dress shirt was drenched but he was shivering. At least, Klara knew he was a Chula student. When Klara shook the already dizzy man awake with her beastly strength, his eyes thankfully landed on her.

“Name?” Klara urged.

He groaned in pain. “…Klara.”

It didn’t occur to Klara at the time that he just said her name.

“Are you staying at the dorms?”

He blinked owlishly at her and nodded.

“Faculty?”

He groaned again before staying silent.

Klara became desperate when he became unresponsive after that.

Damn it.

It would take some time to find which building he stayed in since she didn’t know what faculty he was in. She needed to get him to a hospital at this rate. She called out to the shop attendant and together they heaved him into her car. Thank god, she parked close by.

“Boy, you’re heavy,” Klara huffed as she punched her aching back. Glaring at the poor unconscious man she just fastened the seatbelt for.

Klara almost screamed in joy when the man was rolled away on a stretcher towards the ER. Not that she was feeling joy for his pain but that she didn’t have to carry the stranger’s bulky body and be asthmatic by the time she reached the reception. Klara was taller than most people but the man was unfortunately he had some inches over her. The Thai-German had to stay since the man she brought in was still unidentified so Klara had to act as his guardian. She got so exhausted keeping vigil that she ended up slumped over the unconscious man. Ratty hospital beds had nothing on two people who could sleep like the dead.

Apparently, a nurse did try to wake her up during a round but Klara was lost to the world.

And their re-introduction was an awkward surprise. But Klara preferred the one she saw now to the obnoxious one. This genuine and stuttering exhausted of a man was someone she could see more clearly. A chance was given and the rest was history.

In reality, despite his athletic build and blemish-free face, Yiam the boyfriend was more comfortable with donning what Klara now affectionately called his ‘nerd wardrobe’. His nerdiness was on par with Lang’s. It was the med student’s presumption that Klara, who was rather famous for having handsome men and beautiful girls asking her out all the time, preferred a version of Yiam who was confident and sleek. This real Yiam won over Mack and Lang quicker than expected. It was probably the tips he gave on how to buff up among other things.

There was one thing that made Gulf felt a bit off sometimes.

It was how much Yiam looked like someone from certain angles.

Like Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat. Someone Gulf looked up to, someone dear to him. A master Engineering student and a rising BL actor. Who was currently away that Gulf hadn’t seen him in awhile.

And it really made his heart ache.

Ping!

Gulf looked at his phone screen, ignoring the lovebirds in front of him. A new message came in.

_Miss me?_

Another ping.

_I miss you._

_I’ve good news. I’m coming back soon._

_Let’s hang out once I’m back ;)_

Gulf smiled. Sometimes, it felt like Mew knew when he was thinking of the older man. And he really missed him this time. Just texting was not as fun as seeing each other face to face.

_Miss you too, phi. Can’t wait na ja, phi_

And finally, Mew was coming home.

-m-

Mew Suppasit Jongcheveevat pressed the wipe harder on his face. Whatever make-up they had put on was scrubbed off far too slowly for his taste. He didn’t have time to get properly washed up. Bosser was already urging him through the door, to get his ass out and into the car, or else he was going to miss his flight. He really didn’t expect this would happen to him but it was a really good thing.

He had half a mind to quit acting in BL-themed projects. When life gave you something, just accept and go along with it. Mew believed in predestined things so if this came his way, it was probably for the better. He didn’t expect to get casted as one of the main leads for the new 2Moons series remake. But he was still interested in the offer so he took it. Might be good to try a less complicated character.

And what a good thing it was. Maybe because he didn’t have any expectations going into it. When Bosser told him he got casted as one of the three pairs of male leads, he assumed he was going to be the one with the least amount of screen time.

He didn’t expect to be playing the ‘perfect’ Doctor Phana Kongthanin.

It was a relief that he got along with the cast, with some of them close to his age. It was decided that this version would not closely follow the first season and the director was really open to improvisations.

It didn’t hurt that he liked and had a good chemistry with his in-screen partner, Title Kirati Puangmalee, despite their seven-year age gap.

It took a bit of time for them to get to know each other and Title was friendly enough to invite him on outings. It was rather nice to spend time with each other. Their personalities may clash at a first glance – too different, with Mew being the calm one and Title the outgoing one but it seemed that both their desires to be close to each other was stronger. It couldn’t be helped that they were the main couple and the show kind of depended on them. One thing that got them talking for ages was their fondness for music – they had similar taste. They bonded well in acting classes and the mandatory workshops for all actors to do tons of trust exercises. The usual deal.

Mew could even consider Title a close friend, the one he was at ease the most, during the filming.

And it showed.

As soon as the first episode aired, the response was overwhelming. Mew thought he had to wait a few more episodes to see at least one good comment. Maybe it was a good thing they filmed and aired simultaneously. The fantastic reception kept their spirits up. Mew was comfortable despite having to shoot in another province.

Which made him had to stay there for some months. It was a good thing his university schedule was very flexible. He only needed to check in with his supervisor once every two weeks via e-mail. As long as he updated her on his progress, all’s gold.

But it took too long.

He’s been away for almost four months now.

More importantly, he’s been away from Gulf for too long.

FaceTime didn’t cut it. It didn’t feel the same as seeing and being with each other physically.

Eating something would remind him of Gulf. Something that caught his attention, he would want to share it with Gulf.

It felt a bit lonely. And Mew wondered why he was feeling that way.

He missed the younger man. He took to video calling Gulf almost every night around dinnertime that he got teased a lot for it by his castmates.

“Meh, calling your ‘faen’ again today, p’Mew?” Title would tease.

The other two pairs, Podd Suphakorn Sriphothong and Fluke Gawin Caskey as well as Victor Chatchawit Techarukpong and Mix Sahaphap Wongratch, had joined in the teasing as well that Mew couldn’t help but hide away sometimes. And when he came back before the scene calls, he’d get the wolf whistles. He’d just smile.

“Done exchanging sweet nothings kha, p’Mew?” Fluke would grin. Podd would laugh and add on to jest. Especially when his phone would continue to rang with incoming messages.

But the teasing were harmless.

“There, there p’Mew. We understand. Long distance relationship is a bit hard na?” Victor would pat the man on his shoulders, whispering a soft ‘su su’.

“p’Mew, have you called your faen today?” Mix would call out. Then they would snicker and cheer him on, pretending to give him privacy.

Somehow, they understood him. But probably not for the right reason. He just missed his best friend. They had been hanging out a lot before his filming that the sudden distance took some time getting used to. But it was a good thing there was a two-week break before their last eight episodes.

Man, this series had too many episodes. But it was just fantastic their show was consistently rising in views and popularity.

“p’Mew! You done in there? Hurry, we’ve got to go now!”

The loud knocks startled him. Bosser was getting impatient.

“Uh okay, I’m almost done!” Mew called back as he stuffed his things in his backpack and dragged the hem of his new clean shirt over his torso.

He checked his phone as he hurried along the corridor after Bosser and Bester, his managers.

_Can’t wait na ja, phi._

Mew couldn’t help the happy grin coming to life on his face.

He texted Gulf before he had to shoot. And the younger one’s answer was making him more excited. And the yellow heart he sent after the text – Mew wished he could teleport and just hugged Gulf. That was how much he really missed the Education major.

They were going to hang out every day for the duration of Mew’s break. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Find me on Wattpad too @ magdefeuer


	15. I Found The Right You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realised I forgot to explain my hiatus here. I went away to do my thesis whoops.  
> Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and the previous one.  
> Thank you so much for reading and leaving comments! x

_When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes_

_You’re the only thing that I think I got right_

_I’ll never give you away_

_\- Luke Hemmings (Lover of Mine)_

**CHAPTER 14**

The hustle and the bustle. The intermittent announcements of arrivals and departures. The general atmosphere of people greeting each other in joy. Or seeing their loved ones after a long period of not seeing each other. Missing each other and finally meeting. It must have been a good feeling.

Despite the chaos all around him, Gulf found a tiny little corner and dreamed – sleepily lost in comforting mind of his own. He tapped his wrist lazily, brushing his finger over the monochrome beads on his bracelet. Every few moments, he’d look down at it and twist the cylindrical plate that carried his initials. Sometimes, it felt like this accessory connected him to the one he missed – like an invisible line between them.

It sounded a bit romantic that the 20-year-old chuckled at what his mind entertained. But the good feeling stayed.

Mew’s flight was landing soon as he looked at the big white clock hanging in front of him. Gulf might have been a little too early.

When he got to the arrival hall, it surprised him how crowded the area in front of the gate was. He saw a number of girls with signs. Once he squinted and got a clear read of those yellow and pink boards, he snickered. Written were names of the 2Moons 2 cast members. Even their pictures were blown up and used as things to be waved around in the throes of fangirling. He remembered Mew telling him that his on-screen partner, Title tweeted a partially covered plane ticket with the caption, ‘Krungthep, I’m coming home!’

This could explain how their fans knew when to form a horde of devoted BL lovers at the airport. A token of how popular and widely-loved the series was. Even Gulf parked himself in front of the TV when the episodes were aired.

-m-

He had never seen the first season since it didn’t interest him but the hype of this one just got to him. At least, it lessened the ache in his heart seeing Mew doing his best as the chic Dr. Phana. Seeing his interactions with Title’s Wayo was interesting. He was watching an adorable push-and-pull love story unfolding. Their characters were really brought to life that he forgot he knew Mew in real life at times.

He sent a number of selfies of him with Mew’s face on the screen in teasing support of the older. Sometimes he’d send a snapshot of scenes he really liked with the word ‘ _fin_ ’. Mew absolutely loved them. The Education major wasn’t biased, since he really enjoyed the plots of the other two supporting couples.

(The fact that the cast members were good-looking may be a big motivating factor.)

“Nong, this Forth guy is so handsome,” Gift Tasanee Traipipattanapong sighed dreamily as she was squished against Gulf. Watching the latest 2Moons 2 episode.

Gulf’s older sister, who looked like a girl version of Gulf was four years older, was an accountant who doted on her cat-eyed brother. She was Gulf’s safety blanket, one he trusted the most. There were no secrets between them and she was the one who delivered all of Gulf’s precious gifts to Mew Suppasit in her brother’s early days’ obsession of the actor.

Gulf nodded, biting his lip to stop the squeal bubbling in his throat. Both siblings were swooning over one Podd Suphakorn.

“He’s just my type. Why is he so manly?” Gift giggled, hitting her brother’s shoulder in embarrassment.

“ _Jeb_ (hurts) _,_ phi _._ ” Gulf said for the sake of it, eyes still sparkling as the engineering student Forth kissed the med student Beam.

They both screamed.

-m-

Gulf’s phone rang. The sudden vibration almost made him drop the device. Looking at the caller’s ID, he immediately answered.

“Phi,” Gulf said.

“Hey, _yai nong_ ,” Mew replied, voice as sweet as honey.

The nickname was first said in jest referring to how tall Gulf was despite being seven years younger than Mew. And it stuck and became Mew’s regular address for Gulf. That it fell out of Mew’s lips naturally.

Despite that, Gulf still felt flustered. His ears red as tomatoes.

“I’ve just landed,” Mew grunted, the background was noisy and it sounded like the actor was struggling with his hand luggage. With all the clicks and clacks of Mew’s unconscious noises. Gulf could just picture Mew’s serious face, standing tall as he collected his bags – phone pressed close to cheek, supported by a raised shoulder. He was probably wearing all black, putting his book inside his backpack. Used to Gulf’s silence but knowing the twenty-year-old was listening, Mew continued.

“I’ll be out soon. I really can’t wait to see you.”

“Oh, phi,” Gulf remembered the crowd, “you have to parade across the fangirls first. It might take a while.”

Mew laughed. “Right, right.”

His tone was in sarcasm. Seemed like he didn’t believe the younger.

“P’Mew, I’m not joking,” Gulf insisted, “I can even show you.”

“Mah, switch to video call. But let me see your face first. I miss, miss, miss you.”

It was Gulf’s turn to laugh. He clicked on the video icon and Mew’s face immediately appeared.

“Phi,” greeted Gulf with a tiny wave at the screen. Mew mirrored him then he pouted.

“Mah, mah, stop being so childish na phi. You old man,” Gulf teased, mocking Mew’s jutted lips.

“Oho, you dare. Who are you calling old?” Mew rolled his eyes, “but let me look at you, don’t you look adorable today, yai nong?”

Gulf blushed but he didn’t want to lose to Mew, “and you. I bet you’re wearing all black. Even your mask and cap are black. All you’re missing are sunglasses.”

In retort, Mew dangled a pair of shades and they both laughed.

“Am I that predictable?” Mew mused. He was walking out of the plane now. Gulf could see the changing scenery and Mew’s Wai to the cabin crew that he passed.

Gulf stood up from his seat and moved closer to the fans draped over the metal railings just in front of the arrival gate. He told Mew to look and look he did.

“Whoa, look at that!”

A new voice suddenly came on the speaker. Gulf blinked. That sounded like-

“P’Mew, are you on call with your faen? Let me see!”

And the screen was shaking, as if the phone was being jostled. Crinkling noise could be heard along with the unstable view.

“Ai meung, you’re so nosy!”

Mew’s face came back onto the screen but now another familiar face was squished close staring at the screen. Korean-like youthful face. Straight teeth shown from an excited smile.

Gulf gasped. Frozen with eyes wide.

It was Title who acted as Wayo, the lovable Moon playing opposite Mew’s Phana.

“W-wayo!” Gulf stammered in starry-eyed admiration. His palm covered his mouth.

“Oh, look at you. Who are you, cutie? P’Mew, why didn’t you tell me how handsome your boyfriend is?!”

Gulf saw Mew pushed his co-star away, his big hand shoving the younger man’s head out of frame.

“That mouth of yours! He’s older than you, Title. You need to learn manners.”

Gulf smiled at the disgruntled brotherly side Mew was showing. He decided to stop their squabble.

“Hello,” he greeted with a Wai.

Title perked up and his face got closer to Mew’s phone.

“Hi, I’m Title! It’s nice to meet you!” The younger actor bowed his head slightly in Wai.

In the background, Gulf could see Mew’s exasperated meme-like face, definitely making a face at Title. Gulf’s smile got bigger that his eyes disappeared.

“Nice to meet you. My sister and I are fans of your series,” Gulf said.

“We have to go get our luggage now,” Mew interrupted, and forcibly hogged the phone – away from Title whose ‘bye’ almost got swallowed by other noises. Gulf could only see his flailing arm disappearing. It was just the two of them again.

“Um, go then. I’ll see you soon, yeah?”

Mew nodded and together they hung up. Gulf sighed. He threw a glance at the gate; knowing Mew was just inside, a few steps away from him. He went back to sit, away from the loud fans who were now eagerly stretching their necks in anticipation. As if the more they resembled an ostrich, the actors would magically appear in front of them.

Wait.

Gulf’s face quickly flushed. The corner of his lips trembled. Oh dear, he was probably just overthinking it. But it still made his heart skip a beat.

_“Oh, look at you. Who are you, cutie? P’Mew, why didn’t you tell me how handsome your boyfriend is?!”_

_“That mouth of yours! He’s older than you, Title. You need to learn manners.”_

Mew didn’t deny it.

-m-

“Ui.”

Podd stopped in his trek that Fluke Gawin almost bumped into his partner. He was looking at his phone, an earbud still hanging off one pierced ear. He had to put his palm against the older man’s shoulder blade to steady himself. Podd’s hand patted the younger’s. The time spent touching each other freely resulted in the easy skinship in their off-screen interaction.

Podd was staring straight that the half-American actor followed his line of sight.

“Ui,” he echoed. “Is that…a picture of us?”

There was a crowd. Of people with signboards. With their cut-offs and on-screen couple names. Wasn’t this a morning flight on a weekday? Why were there a lot of them? Didn’t they go to school or work or something?

Podd cursed. Thank heavens their managers were out of earshot. “That damn Title. This is all his fault.”

Fluke sighed, hand falling off the other’s body listlessly. “And all of us are coming to Krungthep at the same time. We did take the same flight.”

“Too late now. And we can’t stay here. I really want to shower and shave.”

Podd ran his fingers through his hair as he looked at Fluke. His partner tilted his head, resting it on Podd’s hand and pouted.

The twenty-four year old actor squeezed his younger co-star’s shoulder.

“Put on your mask, na meung,” he said, pulling his own over his nose.

The younger nodded furiously, fluffy hair bouncing as he adjusted his bluish-white mask.

“And pretend that we’re cool.”

Fluke scoffed. “Speak for yourself.”

And together they went out towards the deafening shrieks of hyperventilating fans.

-m-

There was a pretty good reason Gulf avoided crowds – it might trigger his anxiety.

“Want me to come with, thilak?” Klara had asked when they were sharing their plans with each other.

“Nah, it’s okay. I’ll be fine on my own. It won’t be long anyway.”

Klara gave a short nod. The easy trust they had for each other was giving him a confidence booster.

And he was alone. The loud screams did startle him when they started but knowing the cause of it lessened the slight discomfort from being in a public place surrounded by strangers.

The Education major could see the actors coming out with their managers from his seat. He picked a seat behind a pillar and the farthest away from the crowded area. He was slightly hidden. It was a good thing the lounge area was located with a perfect view of the gate. A bit to the side, the path created by the metal railing allowing the arrivals to easily walk in his direction.

Title came out first with his manager. He was barefaced, as was in the video call, smiling and waving brightly to his adoring fans. Somehow it felt like a Korean celebrity was here. The male actor walked quickly, ushered by his manager. Their eyes met for a moment as Title walked away, the actor recognising him. Gulf’s smile was replied with a wink. He was older but the unexpectedly charming greeting had Gulf turning his face away in embarrassment. What a bold young man, such a difference from his character in the series.

Mix was the next out followed quickly by Victor - the couple playing MingKit. The screams escalated when Victor handed something to Mix. They walked even faster than Title, giving Wai politely. It took a bit of time before the second pair came out, Podd and Fluke who played Forth and Beam respectively. Unlike the previous couple, these two were huddled close to one another, nobody resembling a manager close by. Maybe they were already out. Gulf couldn’t help but be mesmerised with the two tall men. They looked charismatic, like even their walk looked like they were on a runway instead. And Gulf knew how they looked without anything covering their faces. It was a shame his sister was not there with him. She would’ve loved seeing them up close.

And finally, the person Gulf had been waiting for was out. A delirious chorus of ‘P’Mew’ drowned private conversations. Without realising, Gulf was already standing up. In anticipation.

Mew spotted him the moment he was in Gulf’s sight. His black hat and black mask was one. And it was true – Mew’s entire body was clad in black. Reminded Gulf of a grim reaper, a handsome one at that. Despite the dark colours, his presence seemed to brighten up the room and all Gulf could see was the older man. The actor was walking towards him, waving and giving finger hearts to his fans along the way.

It seemed both forever and in a split second when Mew almost reached him. Gulf knew the Engineering student was smiling as his arms slowly lifted, outstretched towards Gulf, silently asking for a hug.

Gulf met him in two steps. Both of them were blocked from view by the massive pillar close by – an imitation of privacy. And as soon as Mew was within reach, the actor barreled forward into Gulf’s embrace. Mew’s arms were heavy and comforting around him that it felt like he was way smaller in stature. Mew’s face snuggled into the crook of his neck. And the older man sighed contently.

“I miss you so much, you won’t believe,” Mew’s muffled voice greeted.

The arms around Gulf’s waist tightened. Gulf responded in kind, rubbing the Thai-Chinese’s back comfortingly. They didn’t need more words than that. They understood how much they felt lonely without the other there with them physically.

“You’ve done well. Welcome back, P’Mew.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Unedited.


	16. You're Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for the lovely, lovely comments! Even the non-English ones. Google translator is my go-to aid. I've been too tired lately but nothing to worry bout. You guys are what keep me going x
> 
> Unedited. We die like men. Enjoy ;)

_My heart is used to you being right there, never disappearing_

_\- Lipta feat. Fongbeer (Mai Kun Loie 'Unfamiliar')_

**CHAPTER 15: You're Here**

"I told you to stay there," Gulf snapped.

Mew blinked in surprise and sighed.

"No, go back." The younger man barked again, voice getting louder.

Mew's nostril flared but he did what Gulf said. Gulf's disgruntled 'tch' was the last straw.

"When you said yes to catching up with me tonight, I didn't realise you'd be so harsh and so mean – to me," Mew huffed, getting angrier by the minute. He dropped his phone by his side and looked away. His jaws were locked – bones visibly taut.

The frown on Gulf's face suddenly disappeared in realisation. He put his phone down quickly and tried to look at Mew's face in panic. The blood-red caption 'GAME OVER' that made him upset before was something insignificant now. He could see the matching screen on Mew's discarded phone.

Oh no, the twenty-year-old thought in horror. He was so engrossed with trying to win the round that he forgot his manners. He'd lost his head, didn't he?

"Phi," he called weakly.

"I'm done," Mew huffed, "I'm not playing with you anymore."

The older of the two rose from his seat and went into the kitchen. They were hanging out at Mew's house tonight. They agreed to meet up after Mew said he'd take a nap in the afternoon. It was more like he slept the day away after his flight. If it were up to Mew, he'd rather Gulf stayed with him despite him sleeping. He could do whatever he wanted when Mew was sleeping for all the older one cared. But Gulf had a lecture in the afternoon. He'd promise the older man that he'd see Mew after dinner. As Mew didn't want to go out of the house just yet, Gulf was invited.

It wasn't his first time there, he'd been there countless times and he'd got over his awkwardness over being in someone's house.

"P'Mew, I'm sorry," Gulf called out, quickly trailing after Mew. "I didn't mean to raise my voice at you."

Mew glanced sideways as he closed the fridge, a cold bottle of water in his hand. He didn't say anything. Whether he realised it or not, he had a slight pout on his face. The corners of his mouth were downturned. The older man sighed again.

"P'Mew," Gulf said again, hand resting on the older one's arm. "I'm sorry. Hmm?"

He jiggled Mew's arm, displaying an unexpected show of flirtatious cute act, one the world now knew commonly as the Korean word 'aegyo'. Mew almost rolled his eyes. He would not give in – this time.

The first time Gulf showed a random bout of 'aegyo', it really took Mew by surprise. He didn't remember their exact conversation, but he remembered that Gulf disagreed to what he said. Gulf's voice came out high-pitched and singsong-y. It came out naturally that his brain took a bit to process and reboot to function after the unexpected attack.

He ended up saying yes to the younger man.

Time and time again.

_"Yes."_

_"Okay, let's do it."_

_"Fine." He said._

But no, definitely not this time. He didn't care that he was being petty right now.

He was going to sulk.

And sulk a long time until he was satisfied. Let Gulf commiserates on his own.

-m-

Which didn't explain how both Mew and Gulf were in Mew's car on their way to the beach on this fine sunny morning – the younger man humming softly under his breath, a tiny smile curling on his lips. His head was bowed as he focused on his phone.

Mew was disgruntled as he snuck glances at the boy, who seemed to not realise that Mew was silently berating himself that his plan to sulk was untimely snuffed. It was really irritating that Gulf was more the quiet type that the silence in the car – only the sounds of the radio playing chill songs accompanying them. The Engineering major kept unconsciously flaring his nostrils, and his grip on the steering wheel tight.

Why, oh why, did this happen?

_And sulk a long time until he was satisfied. Let Gulf commiserates on his own._

It lasted less than a day.

Mew sighed in defeat.

-m-

**_Two nights before..._ **

Mew was about to turn around, subtly moving his arm out of Gulf's hands when Gulf suddenly stepped right in front of him, effectively blocking his path. Mew was startled with how close they were – they almost collided. With how skinny Gulf was, Mew was sure if they did those bony limbs of his would leave a mark on the actor's body. Gulf's face was determined – staring intensely at Mew. Mew raised his eyebrow – stiff upper lip, serious as he could be.

"Khun phi, I'm really, really sorry!"

Gulf's head came down to Mew's shoulder – his warm forehead against Mew's collarbone, silken hair brushing his skin. The touch went away as quick as Mew felt it. The younger man's clasped hands in Wai replaced his head on Mew's shoulder before his head came down, sharp nose against his thumbs. Mew's heartbeat was suddenly loud in his ears.

The boy was mumbling 'sorry, sorry na' over and over again, his voice soft but clear. Mew opened his mouth to say something.

"I'm not moving until you forgive me, P'Mew," the Education major said, determined voice laced with a slight threat.

"Ai'Gulf!"

"No! If you won't accept my apology, I will- I will- I will do this!"

Gulf wound his arms around Mew's torso, slithering quickly and locking the older man against his body. Mew's heartbeat sped up even further. His heart was going to fly out of his body at this rate. Gulf was trapping Mew in a tight hug – shoulders to legs aligning.

"Ah- ow, Gulf!" Mew yelped.

In Gulf's haste to keep Mew from moving, the younger man had stepped on Mew's feet. Mew had to wrap his arms around Gulf so they both didn't stumble.

"Eh?" Gulf looked down to the floor then tightened his arms around Mew, "Sorry P'Mew, but please accept my apology! I really didn't mean to yell at you."

His voice muffled against Mew's cotton shirt. The Chinese-Thai actor sighed.

Why was Gulf like this? The 20-year-old was _not_ normal. It was times like this that Mew remembered how bold Gulf Kanawut could be. The first-year student worked in ways that still baffled Mew sometimes.

"Yai nong, what are you doing? Really." He deadpanned. Subconsciously, his hands began rubbing Gulf's back. He was still upset, really.

Gulf bent his spine, looking into Mew's eyes.

"You just got back. Let's not fight, hmm?" Gulf begged. Mew moved his head to avoid his eyes, but those darned doe eyes kept following him.

The actor untangled the arms around him. And Mew left him, still silently fuming. Gulf was left speechless, eyes trailing after the older man.

**_A day before..._ **

Truthfully, it wasn't their first fight. They had fought before – each time resolved with them hashing out their differences and apologising to each other – or sometimes they just agreed to disagree with a truce. They disagreed on little things or when there was miscommunication between them. It was a good thing that even if the two of them were quick to anger, were stubborn when they were in the heat of moment, they were quick to admit when they were in the wrong – quick to reconcile too. Sometimes, Mew thought of them as mirrors of one another. Maybe they had been hanging out with each other too much, they began resembling one another. He'd heard Jan telling him they acted similar sometimes, or that their reactions were in sync. Their social circle overlapped way too much despite their age difference.

"Phi." Gulf shook him again, to get his attention. They were finally alone again.

Mew had gone to the university that day, just to return some books he borrowed. He saw Jan and Kade in the lab, said a quick hello before making his way to the campus's main library. And somehow, just his luck, he bumped into the younger male. Both of them were surprised to see each other. The startled doe-eyed Education major wasted no time in striding towards Mew.

Mew wanted to bolt but he was still in the middle of checking out some books – library card hanging in hand. He scolded himself for getting derailed from his initial plan. He could've just found some digital copies of the books and journals he wanted.

And Gulf literally cornered him.

"Phi," Gulf had said. Hand automatically resting on the older man's elbow. For a moment, Mew entertained his childish thought of shrugging his arm away violently. It was a satisfying scene in his head. But it was a public space, and like it or not Mew had seen some not-so-inconspicuous fangirls spying on him. If he were rash, his reputation would go up in flames.

It might not be to that extent. But yeah.

Mew sighed and jutted his chin at Gulf's arm.

"Let go." _Don't look up, Mew._

"Phi, look at me, please?" Gulf pleaded, head getting closer. He let go.

It was a mistake to look into the younger's eyes. It was something in those baby browns. Mew could feel his eyebrows having an epileptic episode. He didn't know whether to frown or keep a poker face. In his eyes, Gulf looked so distressed and it was affecting him. He felt stress incoming. Mew looked down at their feet. And somehow, Gulf was lightly holding his arm again. Like a puppy – a stressed out looking puppy.

"Fine. I accept your apology."

Gulf cheered and let the older man go. Mew's heart went erratic again. He put his water bottle on the kitchen counter and rubbed his heart.

His current palpitation was worrying. Did he need to see a doctor? Was this stress-induced?

Mew ended up accompanying the younger male the rest of the day. At the end of the day, it was like they never fought in the first place.

-m-

**_Present..._ **

"P'Mew, your phone is ringing."

Mew came back to the present. Mew glanced at the ID shown on his car's tiny monitor. It showed Bosser's name. Mew raised an eyebrow.

Why was his manager calling him? He didn't have anything scheduled that day. Bosser usually texted him his schedule – usually a weekly one – in advance.

He picked up the call. "Hello?"

"P'Mew! Thank god!"

Bosser's voice rang out loudly – rushed and relieved.

"Boss, what's wrong?"

Bosser was a calm person. He usually spoke slowly and to hear him so anxious was alarming.

"P'Mew, I'm sorry! I know it's supposed to be your day off, but I got some dates mixed up. You have a photo-shoot today!"

"What?" Mew hissed. He could see Gulf turning to face him. "Come on, Boss. It's my day off. And you know I don't want to be disturbed today."

"But this really is an important shoot, p'Mew. If it was a group photoshoot, I may be able to excuse you. But it's a solo one. And we were the first one to reach out to them, phi."

"..."

"I'm sorry, phi. There's no other choice. This is a big opportunity. They want to do an exclusive on you. A whole four-page spread deal. Please?"

Mew kept mum as he was getting conflicted more and more. In his head, he was thinking what to do first. To get angry or to agree. He subconsciously began tapping on the steering wheel in frustration. Until Gulf covered his hand.

He turned his head to the younger one – seeing the understanding on his child-like face. As if saying 'it was okay, they could easily reschedule'. But that didn't make Mew feel any better. To be honest, all he wanted to do with Gulf today was take it easy. Let Gulf go crazy in the water – the younger man could swim or build sandcastles for hours, he didn't care - and Mew in his own little shaded corner catching a nap with the ocean waves as lullaby. Maybe only thirty percent of his attention would be on Gulf. He didn't feel like doing anything today.

He didn't want to do work. Work no-no, it's Mew-time.

Mew sighed. And Gulf nodded, he greeted Bosser.

"Where is the photoshoot, phi?" Mew heard Gulf asked politely.

He was glad that he didn't have to speak. Frankly, if he were apathetic, he'd just hang up on his manager right that instant. Bosser rattled off the address and other details Mew might need. He listened as the two conversed.

"I'll text you the details, p'Mew. P'Best and I are getting ready to go there. We'll see you there and I'll brief you on what you'll be doing, na phi?"

And his manager hung up. Gulf took Mew's phone from the middle compartment – a drink holder – when the actor's phone chimed. And wordlessly dragged Mew's right thumb against the screen ID.

The younger man wordlessly entered the address on Mew's navigation system and their road now rerouted.

Mew sighed heavily. And began following the direction given by his navigator.

"Well, it's not so bad," Gulf smiled – patting Mew's arm in consolation.

"We're supposed to be enjoying a nice and lazy day at the beach, we talked about this last week," Mew grumbled.

He didn't want to apologise – it wasn't his fault their plans went out the window. Darn photo-shoot.

"Darn photo-shoot, to hell with it." Mew said out loud. That made his younger companion chuckle.

"Come on, I don't think it's all bad," Gulf shrugged, "once you're done, we can still go to the beach."

"The mood is ruined," Mew huffed, speeding up slightly.

"Oh, you grump," Gulf teased.

"It'll probably take ages."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And wardrobe probably takes half of the actual picture taking time."

"And a 'four-page' spread. Wonder what that means. Sounds very important."

"It just means that they'll have my face plastered over four whole pages of the magazine."

"Oh! Isn't that exciting, phi?" Gulf's eyes sparkled. "I really can't wait to see it! I'll buy the magazine for you, don't worry."

Mew scoffed lightly. At least someone was happy for him. His mood was getting better as Gulf continued to list what kind of clothes Mew would be in or what the photoshoot concept or concepts was going to be. Mew swore by the end of his tirade Gulf was squealing. His inner fanboy was showing.

Mew promised himself he'd put on his professional façade, wrap up this work business quickly, then he'd get on with their initial plans.

-m-

"Nong Mew _na ja_!"

A high-pitched nasally voice that definitely belonged to one excitable make-up artist rang across the studio as soon as Mew Suppasit entered.

" _Sawadee khrap_ , P'Vee," Mew smiled at the plump close acquaintance swaying their way to Mew.

As usual, the flamboyant transgender artist Vee Chayan Apasrantrakul whose make-up was always on point and whose outfit sometimes outshone her clients gripped Mew's face and began gently turning his face side to side.

"Look at that gorgeous face," Vee crooned, smiling brightly and patting Mew's slightly bristled chin. He was too lazy to shave that morning.

Mew gave a charming smile, used to Vee's slightly grandmother-like tendencies towards everyone. Vee was a bit like a fairy godmother. Her habit to dote on people made her one of the best people to work with in the industry and Mew much preferred her to some of the more sharp-tongued and loose-lipped people he'd ever met.

Not that Vee could not be firm when she wanted to be or when the situation demanded it but unless you crossed Vee, you'd be safe. She wouldn't hesitate to lay it on you _good_ when you did something unprofessional or just plain immoral. Vee was a good-natured person – a kind, professional and hardworking pillar behind most of Mew's work.

Vee touched Mew's hair and tutted.

"Come, come, luk. Let's get you ready. First thing we need to do is wash that hair of yours, what did you do to it?" Vee grumbled as she dragged Mew and handed him over to the on-site mini salon set up further into the studio. Mew prepared to be pampered. He rather liked getting his head massaged.

Gulf came in when his hair was getting washed. And Mew could see the delighted light in his eyes. His phone came out and he pointed the camera towards Mew.

"No," Mew groaned as a smile grew on his face. Squinting at the younger man as his scalp was massaged. He tried to reach for Gulf but Gulf batted his arm away, snickering as his body wiggled away.

"How do you feel, P'Mew?" Gulf asked.

Mew hummed. "Nice. But you, stop taking pictures."

Gulf giggled as Mew blindly swiped at the 20-year-old. "That's where you're wrong. It's a video. Going on my IG."

"Oh, who's this? Such lovely face."

Mew opened his eyes, turning his head slightly as Vee veered closer, eyes catching one wide-eyed Gulf Kanawut. Mew didn't remember when he took Gulf's wrist in his hand, but the younger's skin was warm in his hold.

"Hello, _thilak_ ," Vee greeted Gulf warmly, casting a sidelong smirk at Mew. Mew let Gulf go when his younger friend raised his arms in Wai.

"Are you new? What's your name, darling?" Vee looked at the two of them.

"No, this is my friend, Gulf, P'Vee," Mew shook his head softly, understanding Vee's question. "He's just here to accompany me. We made plans but I forgot there's work today."

The hairdresser tapped Mew on his shoulder, telling him his hair's rinsed. Mew thanked him and slowly sat up. He used the fluffy towel draped over his shoulders to shake the droplets off his hair.

"Ah," Vee's nodded in understanding, "I'd believe you if you said he's your partner. Look at that sweet face."

"P-partner?" Mew's eyes widened in surprise.

"Yes," Vee raised an eyebrow on fleek, "your photo-shoot partner today. Didn't that cute shy manager of yours tell you?"

Mew shrugged and frowned. It wasn't a solo shoot?

"He said he's going to brief me here. Honestly, there's a schedule mix-up so I don't really know anything other than the place, time and that it's a photoshoot."

Vee clicked her tongue in sympathy.

"Come, come, let's have you in the chair first. I can start on your hair and wait for your managers. Oh, Nong Gulf come, come, you can sit next to Mew."

Once the two men were settled – Mew sitting in front of a dressing table as Vee fluttered around him and a trolley rolled up beside him. She switched on the lights around the vanity mirror and Mew flinched slightly at the sudden brightness. Gulf watched in fascination as the hair and make-up artist took out several things to get Mew ready, arranging them brightly on the mirror. Honestly, Gulf could only identify the basics such as a hairdryer and combs – the functions of the mountain of bottles and what looked like colourful clips were lost on him.

Mew excused himself when Vee told him to shave – handing the actor a brand-new disposable razor and a bottle of shaving cream. Mew came back soon after. Gulf pursed his lips as he thought that Mew looked nicer with faint stubbles.

Gulf took out his phone and tried to tune Vee and Mew out as they chattered. He glanced their way from time to time. It was a wonder how the stylist could keep track of the products she used and the process of glamming up Mew and jumping topics rapidly. Gulf swore Vee's hands didn't even stop moving.

Bit by bit, Mew's hair took its fancy style that Gulf could see when the actor was on TV. The actor's blemishes were covered and his face lightly powdered. Gulf watched as Mew's serious profile as Vee ran a brush over his nose bridge. Gulf didn't realise that there were a lot of make-up that went to preparing Mew. He watched as Vee dabbed something on Mew's cheekbones that made his skin glow. Pink blossomed over Mew's cheeks and lips. A few lines over his eyes made them darker.

Gulf was sure he was staring but it was fine as Mew caught his eyes and winked.

"Why? Something on my face?" Mew teased. His eyes crossed a bit as Vee applied some lip balm. Moisture reflected, making those lips kissable.

"Nong Love ja," Vee called out, and a lovely voice called back. "Let's get Nong Mew dressed and ready. Where's the other one?"

As Mew passed him, the actor told him to sit tight and wait until Mew was done. Gulf nodded, going back to his game. It was a good thing his phone was fully charged; he knew he'd be using up a lot of battery power just to keep him entertained.

-m-

"What are you saying?! Why?!"

The loud angry shouting made both Mew and Gulf jumped. The actor was already dressed – just killing time with Gulf. The photoshoot director already explained to him what the shoot was going to be – the themes, the poses and the expressions he needed to portray. He was shown the sketches and sample pictures on what was expected of him.

And his shoot partner.

The main theme they wanted for Mew was the 'boyfriend look'.

The duo looked at each other. It was the director's voice and someone else's – in the middle of an argument. Mew wanted to check what was going on. But as he stood, he caught sight of his manager P'Bester came running towards him – frowning so hard.

"Mew," Bester called.

"We have a bit of a problem."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dun dun dunn
> 
> Hello all. Sorry I disappeared again, but in my defence I did say to expect sporadic updates. I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy. The weather's getting colder, and somehow I feel like my sinus is getting worse. 
> 
> Got a new laptop (FUCKING FINALLY), because my previous one hates me now. I spilled my tea all over it so it was glitchy before finally giving up on me. Goodbye precious money, I wanted to cry. But it was kinda worth it, I suppose. Because I can't live without a laptop. 
> 
> BTW, I've a feeling I'm getting close to a writer's block so -
> 
> Please ask me some questions, anything you'd like to know about me or about anything in general. Comment how you're doing and how you're faring with C-19 in your country. Anything. Really. So my neurons can connect more and help me write. Come talk to me on my profile(?), that conversation tab thingy on my profile. I'd really appreciate it. Let's start!
> 
> Some things bout me: 
> 
> Currently, I'm obsessed with MaxTul. Just found em, I know I'm late to the show but damn, Max is me and I get why he's groping Tul all the time. 
> 
> I just realise that my sibs name their pets with food names (IT'S BEEN YEARS HOW DID I NOT NOTICE-). Are they cats or are they food I'm now questioning their sanity.


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